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The...um...the...oh yeah...the introduction, the...um...ah, the...help? What? No... I yeah!!! Damn, I...lost it again...oh...what? He the...what...he, ah what? Scum, freezebag! Duu...No, that, help! I forgot...again, but the liberals...
Oh...yeah...um the liberals...they stole my...acorn...and whatnot...? Hmmmmmm? I need fish...what?...who the hell are you? Get out of my house! No hands, stop typing this! Nooooooo!!!
Anyway, I says to the fish, says I, I says, "You know...you remind me of fish biscuits." And he's there like, shitting in his bowl, and he can't even understand what I'm saying, and he keeps shitting and eating and then I put my hand in the bowl and I said, "Fuck you, asscarp!" And he's like, dead.
“I think that in the end, I must ready the oval office for my predecessors.”
State of Union Address 2007
"My fellow asscakes...America fish...Make the pie higher, and...Condi? Bomb...Spain. What was that minister? No, I...don't think Spain is on out side. Is it? For NASA, space is still quite a big priority. I'm preparing 500 billion soldiers to invade space...What? But, you said...you said I could...That's not fair, daddy, you promised you'd let me! I'm telling Barbara!!!"
State of Union Address 2008
"People of America, I come in peace. I am your leader. Today, in Americaland, the climate of freedom is less gooder. The terrorists who hate freedom have thrown a custard plane of oppression in the face of the American people. I mean pie. Those who think that I am less well as a leader have seen me good handle the wars in Iraq and Afghaneristanland. America is thrive...thriv...thrivi...doing great in economic um...sectors and our main question is "Is our children learnding?" They certainly ain't not going unsmart in my country. America has done beaten all the commies and the pie has been highered since my last speech. Even as I talk, the pie is above our heads. And it's blueberry.
I have just received talk sounds in my ear doohickey that I cannot run for president again. "I will be back", in the words of Bob Arnold. More and more people are saying to me, "George, what are you doing?" and I tell them, "What I told!" And I'm proud of that. When I leave my third term in the circle office, my autobiography will be written for me, and it'll say, "This guy did good!". I think, and people will agree with me, that I coined the word "failure". It's a word I never say about me, except that I failed to succeed. You cannot underestimate me. It's not possible. That means you can't do it more than once. People told me, "George, you can't invade Afghanistan and Iraq at the same time with out screwing the countries up!". And didn't I prove them wrong!
People have said that my climate change policies are ungood. I say to them, "Go to the beach and enjoy it! How could getting more hotterer be bad?" My advisers have said that I should critercise Al Gore. I say to him "You ain't not not getting no Americans to listen to your talk sounds!"
“Speak like Yoda I do.”
Words mix I up do. Wise very sometimes am I. Not Sith defeated yet have we. Be force you with. Understand me cannot you? Am I articulate. Course am I. Up shut bastard you pompous! It forget! Words my twisting are you! Luke Skywalker force has the him with. Is Obi Wan alive. Is he. Said I, is he. That stop! That stop!
“I think that Iran is a country occupying the Persian Gulf and bordering Iraq. I also think that it has a mainly Islamic population. But that's just my opinion on the country.”
Journalist: Will the Coalition pull out of Iraq in the summer?
Tony: Well, I think, that in the future, that being not the past, of course, going forward that is, that we, and our allies, will complete, sorry, not our allies, maybe our allies and probably complete the pullout which is on the cards, as I, being me, and the American president, will talk to his generals, and they will complete, well not them, but us, the pullout, that ah, is scheduled for ah, the summer, that being the sunny seasons following spring and preceding autumn, which I believe the Americans call Fall, due to the leaves which appear to fall from the trees, which are large plants that have branches and leaves, and that we will then not be in Iraq anymore and it will be vacant and devoid of us and our allies, hopefully, and we will hand over the reigns to the Iraqis, who are natives of the country of Iraq, which is located in the Persian Gulf, in the Middle East.. Yeah, okay, next question. What? No, you see, I was talking about Iraq.
Journalist: Is it true that it will be a phased withdrawal?
Tony: Yes a phased withdrawal. I think that we, that is I, by which I mean which, that is, the Coalition, that being mainly, and I do say mainly, mainly being us, by which I mean Great Britain, which is a sort of confederacy between England, Wales, Scotland, Ireland and France, and America, the United States, and their leader George W. Bush, of course, backed by their rather large army and the people and the great spirit of the Americans and the British people, who I stand here, representing, and I think that us, being the British Army, currently occupying the area around Basra, will being our phased withdrawal within a few months, a month being a length of time equaling from 28 to 31 days, which usually equates to about four weeks, and I believe that the Americans, that being the Army and the people, will support us, and hopefully, with hope, in all hopefulness, will begin withdrawing within a time between three weeks and seven years, a week being a unit of seven days, a day being a unit of time consisting of 24 hours, joined to together, and a year is 365.25 days normally, and is sometimes 366.000 days, every four years, and I think that that is about twelve months, so that would be between those two lengths of time. Does that answer you question? Thanks, next question!
Heckler: When are you going to resign?!
Well, I think that, when the time is right, and the political and global climate has somewhat stirred up then I shall leave office in the fullness of time, when I am ready, and then I will hand over control to the Chancellor Gordon Brown who is big fat brooding Scottish man with no personality, and I will leave him with a political shitstorm, as it were, of problems to fix, which he will be unable to do, and make sure that everyone will want Tony Blair back, and then I shall say, though in stronger words, not weak words with dilly-dallying and euphemisms "Copulate off!"