Imperial Philippine Defence Force
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
As everyone knows, at its height, the Filipino Empire's military was the most bat fuck insane in history. All nuclear weapons in the world were given as tribute to the Empire, since that was the only accepted payment a country could use to buy the world's oil, all of which was also owned by the Filipino Empire. With such a monopoly, the military was built up to the point where it was second to none. All nuclear weapons were disarmed and used as power for the Empire's growing electricity demand, well actually to recharge everyone's cellphones. The Empire's colonies also have their own military forces, but they suck. The Empire fought in World Wars IV to VII, as Allies of the US, who was always asking them for help.
Only citizens of the Filipino Empire, Filipino-Americans and Israeli mercenaries are allowed in the Imperial armed forces, since everyone else are idiots and/or terrorists. The military was simplified in 2050 by Emperor Pacquiao to consist of one branch: The Imperial Philippine Defense Force, which consists of the Imperial Philippine Navy, Imperial Philippine Marines (amphibious invasion ground forces) and the Imperial Philippine Air Force. Being an island nation, emphasis was placed on maintaining maritime supremacy on the high seas in every ocean. Thus, in return for all the oil in the Philippine province of Iraq, the US sold some aircraft carriers, planes, tanks and destroyers to the Empire in 2047 (one is even renamed as the HMIPS Enterprise!). Now possessing the most fearsome bat fucking insane fleet in history, the redundant Imperial Philippine Army was integrated into the reorganized Imperial Philippine Marine Corps: the best soldiers became Marines for invading other countries, while the rest became the Imperial National Guard for guarding the Philippines itself from invasion and to serve as the Imperial Police Force (formerly known as the PNP).
edit The most powerful in the world
In accordance with the emphasis on naval supremacy, focus was placed on perfecting amphibious warfare and conquering new territories from the sea with blitzkrieg tactics involving the combined operations of the Imperial Navy, Imperial Marines and Imperial Air Force. First, an enemy area would be bombarded by naval artillery and bombers launched from the aircraft carriers. Then a massive invasion of amphibious ground and airborne troops, supported by armored tanks would be unleashed, with air support from fighter planes. Thus, an enemy would be totally overwhelmed and devastated and ultimately defeated-- all this before you can cook a pot of rice! They also have the most advanced tanks with a large caliber of gun and the most advanced helicopter and fighter (trainer) planes.
All male Imperial citizens are compelled to serve 8 years in the Armed Forces upon reaching 18, while females must serve 6 years. Females may only serve in the Navy and Air Force as medical or administrative personnel (nurses/secretaries/stewardesses) so they won't become prisoners by the.... Japanese. The Japanese are forever banned from serving in the Imperial Philippine Defence Force, because they are bat fucking insane. Chinese may enlist (as long as they don't drive).
The totally badass motto of the Imperial Philippine Defence Forces is: "ODERUNT DUM METUANT", which is Latin for "THE FILIPINO IS WORTH KILLING FOR", first spoken by Generalissimo Benigno "Ninoy" Aquino just before he was murdered. Actually he meant to finish his sentence by saying "...for" at the end, but was cut off, misheard and misunderstood by a stupid American, who shot Ninoy dead. Dumbass!
The best and most elite sailors, marines, airmen and soldiers are chosen by the Emperor to serve him as his personal bodyguard: the Imperial Guard, under the supreme command of Grand Marshal of the Empire, His Eminence Carlos Norris. So, if you're Pinoy or Pinay, join the Imperial Philippine Defence Force NOW!
edit The future
The officials of the Imperial Philippine Defence Force are looking for new weapons in the market like the Bat Fuck Howitzer to replace their Guns. They intend to use the Rock, Paper, Scissors, Thermonuclear Weapon in future battles.