Ifrit

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Ifrit is the American god of bad democracy and also serves as god of Hell. (Or, as they call it in America, the 'ghetto'.) He also serves as God of Flames (in other countries.)

Ifrit often appears as a large, oversized cavemen in the Ancient Scriptures of the Quar'an, often appearing in red, although some earlier drawings suggest that he was a God dressed in what looked like an ancient form of a bikini. This is seen in various games, such as Final Fantasy 1 through to 59.2, as well as Devil May Cut His Wrists Like An Emo and numerous other popular console games.

He boasts incredible power over The Human Torch (part of the Orgasmic Four, as well as Tifa Lockheart's Seventh Heaven), as well as Hades and his twin brother, Gaydes.

Existing as a spirit, Ifrit can occasionally manifest himself through a human who shares a Junction Bond with Ifrit. However, Ifrit may only be Junctioned to fictional fantasy characters, King Solomon [who may or may not qualify under the list of fictional characters], and also through those who have played enough Final Fantasy that their minds have been overrun with various Chocobo and Moogles

edit Creation of Ifrit

There are many different theories to how this near-almighty God of Crud and Flame came to be.

edit First theory

One theory is that Dante, God of Devil May Cry Ass Kicking (or GOD-M-CAK in an abbreviated form) used his magical Fairy & Pixel Fire Gauntlets to destroy his evil brother, Virgin, by infusing him with the spirit of the Pixie-demon Eefreet, which was blue, blonde, and female. The said brother then disappeared into the Lifestream and underwent a multitude of changes before finally re-emerging from Capetown, South Africa, as a large demon.

However, recent findings have discovered that this theory, in fact, is a lie, and so will not be included in this article.

edit Second theory

Another theory, seemingly crafted by the early Malariasians, state that Ifrit was the child of Bru Slee and Chaku Norito, who were also ancient Malariasian gods. How these two original gods came into existence, it is not known, save by the gods themselves.

In the series of Tenna Birdsong Tales of Mass Destruction, it is said that Ruby, Princess of the City of Treno (The Realm Of Eternal Ladies Of The Night) ran away from her parentals because she wanted to attend Whoreschool, but because she was Malariasian, she had contracted Super AIDS and therefore was not creditable enough to attend. Consequentially she slit her wrists (because the majority of Malariasian people were emo. See Malariasian) and the spirit of hate that lingered on fused with a couple of pyreflies and formed the two gods that formed Ifrit by their copulation.

Wow. Didn't you all just find that anti-climactic? ^_^

edit Third theory

Anyway, the most recent (and most creditable, with no credentials at all) theory of Ifrits creation was that Sea Chimps decided to feed on Dead Hedgehog Matter, and this, combined with kinda ancient State Alchemist alchemy, created a large, Santa Clause-like entity. The Alchemists called this creation Eedi-otus Firius, which was shortened to form Ee-Firius and finally Ifrit.

edit Ifritians

The Ifritians are a group of followers who worship this god of fire, bad democracy, crud, and bihomophobosexual attitudes. Several notable members of this 'religion' are George Bush Jnr, George Bush Snr, Hairy Bush, Pubic Bush, and Bushy Bush.

They are often said to be often involved in forms of terrorism and self-induced pleasure (neither of which can be confirmed nor denied; though many suspect cheese) and the followers of this cult can often be recognized by the fact that they wear top clothing labels, seem to rap a lot, and engage in a lifestyle of promiscuous sex. They also label themselves as Gangstas and are based around the ghetto.

The following was started by a rogue group of Jenova's Witnesses, who branched off and decided Ifrit would totally pwn Sephiroth. Sephiroth proved this to be wrong, however, as a war between the two gods sparked off, and Sephiroth totally pwnt Ifrit with his sword. What a shame. :'D

The recent rise of Ifritianism has been credited as a response to the rise in Shiva-ism and also Alexander-ism, as well as Bushism, Retardedism, Child Obesityism, as well as IgpayAtinlayism. A few have put the rise in Ifritianism down to an increase in the use of cards as a game, rather than a deadly battle, of which the loser gets sent to the Michael Jackson's Neverland.

edit Physiology of Ifrit

What does physiology mean, again? i've forgotten =3 When he is not with Odin in the Kingdom of Heaven, he is often seen chilling with his homies in the Phillipines, his homeland.

He enjoys drinks of high alcoholic content, which is what he uses to fuel his large gaseous flames that Final Fantasy fanatics call the 'Hellfire' technique. A justly given name, for 'they who art exposed to flame of such evil beast shall surely know hell... and extremely spicy food,' as it was written in the Ancient Scriptures of the Bibquar'codex ninja scrolls, made famous in Naruto

He often tries to steal Odin's horse, and steal Carbuncle's Ruby from his head. Of course, only the Goddess of thieves can do this. Her name is Yuffie Kisaragi, who, as a sidejob, works as a crackwhore for Ifrit's pimping pleasure. Many Asian men and geeky Final Fantasy addicts have experienced the vast, immoral pleasure that Yuffie provides. All who pay Yuffie have been deceived - for Ifrit plans to come to you in the dead of the night, rape you and take your soul, which will be absorbed by he fire demon in order to further his libido.

edit Ifrit in the Media

Ifrit has often been used to promote places as travel destinations such as Tonga, London, Hell, Fiji, the Solomon Islands, America, Hell [which could possibly be the same thing as America], the Myspace community, as well as Shiva's buttcheeks. (Its a really god ski resort for those who prefer gentle slopes. For advanced skiers, we recommend that you visit Tifa's breasts. More challenging, steeper, and undoubtedly much larger slopes.)

Ifrit as also appeared in several movies. His most recent appearance was in the movie Edward Scissorhands, disguised as themuch loved emo Johnny Depp.

  • yawn*
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