Idiotic Table of the Elements

An atom of Cheesium.

The Idiotic Table of the Elements is a listing of all the basic building blocks of matter. Certain columns of the table represent groups, or families of elements.

Families

• Allergens

The Allergens, sometimes called the Flowergens, are emitted by flowers, and react readily with the human nasal system, in both pleasing and unpleasing ways.

• Active Cheeses

The elements of the Active Cheeses are known for their property of readily bonding with other substances, such as hamburger, broccoli, and pizza.

• Filler Materials

Substances which don't appear to conform to any given pattern are classified as Filler and stuffed in the middle of the table. Their uses and properties are largely unknown: for example, nobody is entirely sure what Minnesota is for...

• Alcohols

The Alcohols are known to cause increased levels of ambient Assium, and have been known to cause increases in Dissinum.

• Innate Abilities

These elements are emitted by the brain during the use of psychic powers. Innate Abilities sometimes manifest in the presence of Tempertantrum and Hissifittium.

• Fetishides

The Fetishides are inert, mainly because the other elements will not interact with them directly. However, Fetishides have been known to manifest in the presence of members of the Alcohols family.

History

The Idiotic Table itself was first started by Greek scientist Idiocrates in 1430 B.C.E. The early table was much simpler, and only contained four elements: Flaemon, Wettium, Windon, and Dirtium. Eventually, the table was expanded as it was discovered that each of these 'elements' were actually made from others.

By 1800 C.E., the Idiotic Table of the Elements contained over 70 elements. However, new elements were yet to be discovered, and are, indeed, still being discovered. In 2004, an element known as Unobtainium was discovered, and put to use in a machine that could drill to The Core of the Earth.

The Idiotic Table of the Elements

Allergens	Active Cheeses	Filler Materials										Alcohols	More Filler Materials			Innate Abilities	Fetishides
H Hydrangea																	He Hentaium
Ge Geranium	Ch Cheesium											B Beeron	C Crampon	N Nitro	O Oxycotin	F Forcium	Ne Necrophilium
Cy Chrysanthemum	Na Nachosium											Tq Tequilium	Si Silicone	P Potatium	S Shittium	Cl Clarvoyancium	An Analium
Tu Tulipnum	Ca Cheddarium	Sc Scorcesium	Ti Tittium	V Vaginon	Cr Cromagnon	Mn Minnesota	Pn Phonicium	Pi Magnum	Ni Nipplium	Cu Cucumberon	Zi Zig	Vk Vodkum	Gi Gilligan	As Assium	Se Serbia	Tk Telekenisium	Bd Bondagium
Ir Irus	Co Colbium	Y Yattayattium	Zr Zerowingon	Nb Noobion	Mo Moelarricurlium	Tc Tufcookium	Ru Rubber	Rh Rhodesia	Pd Copper	Ag Agamemnon	Cd Codependium	Gn Gin	Sn Snobbium	Sb Submarino	Te Tempertantrum	Gy Gaydar	Ph Pedophillium
Da Daisium	Mz Mozzerellium	Lu Lunitunium	Hf Halfassnium	Ta Tampon	Wtf Watthefukium	Re Retardium	Os Oscarwildeum	Ip Internetum	Pt Barnum	Au Augidogium	Hg Hughheffnerium	Cm Captainmorganrum	Pb Peanutbutterum	R! Rubioium	Po Popium	Lv Levitatum	Bt Beastialum
Ma Marigoldium	Pa Parmeseanum	Lr Lordbyronium	Rf Rufium	Db Doobium	Sg Saggitarium	Bh Bedpahnum	Hs Hissifittium	Mt Mountaindewdium	Ds Dissinum	Rg Rugbium	Un Unobtainium	Es Eleventysevenium	Cg Chewinggumium

Vegemites and Collegiates

Ce Celerium

Pr Parslium

Nd Notredamium

Pm Plumium

Sm Stadium

Eiu Eastillinosium

Cc Coconuton

Tp Turnipium

Dk Dukeum

Asinines

Ro Rogium

Py Pantium

Lm Linoleum

Gu Glueon

Dt Ductapium

Fi Fishium

Ft Fortwum

Kh Kittenhufnium

Krypton

Fu Fukudium