Idiotic Table of the Elements

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Please read the Instructions before using this table.

Cheesium

An atom of Cheesium.

The Idiotic Table of the Elements is a listing of all the basic building blocks of matter. Certain columns of the table represent groups, or families of elements. This table is not to be confused with the Mahmoodian Table, which is an alternate representation of the building blocks of matter.

Families

  • Allergens
The Allergens, sometimes called the Flowergens, are emitted by flowers, and react readily with the human nasal system, in both pleasing and unpleasing ways.
  • Active Cheeses
The elements of the Active Cheeses are known for their property of readily bonding with other substances, such as hamburger, broccoli, and pizza.
  • Filler Materials
Substances which don't appear to conform to any given pattern are classified as Filler and stuffed in the middle of the table or shoved to the side. Their uses and properties are largely unknown: for example, nobody is entirely sure what Minnesota is for...
  • Alcohols
The Alcohols are known to cause increased levels of ambient Assium, and have been known to cause increases in Dissinum.
  • Innate Abilities
These elements are emitted by the brain during the use of psychic powers. Innate Abilities sometimes manifest in the presence of Tempertantrum and Hissifittium.
The Fetishides are inert, mainly because the other elements will not interact with them directly. However, Fetishides have been known to manifest in the presence of members of the Alcohols family.

History

The Idiotic Table itself was first started by Greek scientist Idiocrates in 1430 B.C.E. The early table was much simpler, and only contained four elements: Flaemon, Wettium, Windon, and Dirtium. Eventually, the table was expanded as it was discovered that each of these 'elements' were actually made from others.

By 1800 C.E., the Idiotic Table of the Elements contained over 70 elements. However, new elements were yet to be discovered, and are, indeed, still being discovered. In 2004, an element recently discovered known as Unobtainium was not obtained, and therefore not put to use in a machine that could drill to The Core of the Earth.

In 2003, many speculated upon the Element of Surprise, but it proved impossible to detect as just about everyone was already talking about it.

In 2007, Serbia was found to have similar properties of Assium and was renamed "Buttium."

In 13370, five elements were discovered and were proved to be the 1337. They were given the category "1337 Elements."

In 31337, a sixth 1337 element was found.

In 41337, a seventh 1337 element was found. It was actually found in 1338, but the scientists did not announce it's discovery, to honor the tradition that every 1337 element should be found in a year ending in 1337. People were annoyed that they had to wait 9999 years just to see another !@#$ing 1337 element.

The Idiotic Table of the Elements

Allergens Active Cheeses Filler Materials Alcohols More Filler Materials Innate Abilities Fetishides
1H
Hydrangea
Jg
Jagermeistrum
Wiki
Wiki
2Pz
Pizza
2.5He
Hentaium
3Ge
Geranium
4Ch
Cheesium
4.3Dn
Down
4.4Fe
Fetus
4.5Al
Aluminum
5No
Notsoaloneium
5.5proofB
Beeron
6C
Crampon
7N
Nitro
8O
Oxycontin
9F
Forcium
10Fu
Furrium
11Cy
Chrysanthemum
12Na
Nachosium
13Poo
Nutellium
#$@ (13.5)%)
Delyrium
14En
Wiki
15Ar
Armageddon
99Rn
Randomium
15.5AnaNg
Gigantium
16Pd
Puddingium
17"Ho
Hardon
18proofTq
Tequilium
19Si
Silicone
20P
Potatium
21S
Sithtium
22Tp
Telepathium
23An
Analium
24Tu
Tulipnum
25Ca
Cheddarium
26Sc
Scorcesium
00Ti
Tittium
27V
Vaginon
28Cr
Cromagnon
29Mn
Minnesota
30Pn
Phonicium
31Pi
Magnum
32SS
Nazium
33Cu
Cucumberon
34Zi
Zig
35proofVk
Vodkum
36Gi
Gilligan
37As
Assium
38Bt
Buttium
39Tk
Telekenisium
40Bd
Bondagium
41Ir
Irus
42Co
Colbium
43Y
Yattayattium
44Zr
Zerowingon
45Nb
Coltium
46Nf
Nerf
47Pl
Plotonium
48Ru
Rubber
49Rh
Zimbabweum
50Pd
Copper
51Ag
Agamemnon
52Cd
Codependium
53proofGn
Gin
54W
Wood
55Sb
Submarino
56Te
Tempertantrum
57Gy
Gaydar
5.8Ph
Pedophillium
59Da
Daisium
60Mz
Mozzerellium
61Lu
Lithuanium
61½Hf
Halfassnium
62Ta
Tampon
63Wtf
Watthefukium
64IQRe
Retardium
65Os
Oscarwildeum
66Ip
Internetum
67Pt
Pantium
68Au
Augidogium
69Hg
Hughhefnerium
70proofCm
Captainmorganrum
71Pb
Peanutbutterum
72Pl
Planetarium
LXXIII (73)Po
Popium
74Lv
Levitatium
75Bt
Buttsechsium
76OMFG
OMFuckinGodium
77Pa
Parmesanum
78Lr
Lordbyronium
79Rf
Rufium
80Db
Doobium
81Sl
Slutatarium
82Dys
Muixelsyd
83Hs
Hissifittium
84Mt
Mountaindewium
85Ds
Dissinum
86Rg
Rugbium
9201Un
Uncyclopedium
88proofKa
Coltium
89Cg
Chewinggum
90Tv
Televizium
91Mf
Motherfuckium
92Mu
Medium/Polonium
93Pl
Plushophilium
94Hu
Human

Vegemites and Collegiates

95Rc
Vegimiton
96Pr
Parslium
97Slut
Slutgerium
98Ce
Celerium
99Cc
Coconuton
100Tp
Turnipium
101Dk
Dukeum
118Iu
Hoosierium
119Au
Australium
120Am
Americium

Asinines

111Uuu
Unununium
102Gu
Glueon
103Py
Pentium
104Lm
Linoleum
105U
Urmomium
106Dt
Ductapium
107R!
Rubioium
108Kh
Kittenhufnium
404Superman
Kryptonite
109Fa
Fartium
1104Ks
4Kids
112Btfk
Sodomite
113GbEu
Euripodium
114!
Belgium
90210LOL
Beverlyhillsium

Bodily Hair Metals

-5Ha
Hairium
124Bd
Beardium
130Ms
Moustachium
141Pu
Pubicum
30,012Ap
Armpiton

1337 Elements

1337Leet
1337ium
1338Ko
Koolium
1339Mrt
Mr. T-ium
1340Wrk
Werockium
1341Mc
Marcoium
1342Yum
Yourmomium
1343Yuk
Yukydoodium
1344Ami
Amirite

The Deitides

G_d
Jehovium
∞+1Je
Jesium
∞+2V
Virginmarium
∞+3Bh
Bhuddium
∞+4اﷲ
Allahnium
∞+5Sof
Sophia
∞+6Vi
Vishnuium
∞+7Sh
Shivium
0/0 N/A
Athine
∞+8Od
Odinium
∞+9Thr
Thoridium
2Xn
Xenuvium
3Zz
ZZ-topium
Bs
Bushium
אJw
Jewium
Mx
Mexican
∞+1Wp
Weaselpudgium
∞+∞Kck
Chucknorrisium
?Cm
cum
?Ag
Goddium

Unknown Classification

999Uo
Unobtainium

See also

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