From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article or section may be Overly British. Americans may not understand humour, only humor. Canadians and Australians may not understand anything at all. Don't change a thing to remedy this.|
“Like something out of deliverance”
“You'll never leave”
Iddesleigh, pronounced ‘ere des-lee, is a small village in deepest darkest devonshire and has great views of the mountain range known as Dartmoor. Unfortunately none of the information in this article is from first hand knowledge as the local population all believe that computers and the Internet only exist in science fiction and are therefore unlikely ever to read uncyclopedia let alone edit it. The upside to this is that we can write the full truth about the village without fear of retribution.
Founded in 1263 when Mrs Leigh said to her husband, Mr Desmond Leigh, that the clearing they were in would be a good place to build their new home. Of course, in the west country dialect it sounds something like: ‘ere, Des Leigh, this’ud be a good place to put our ‘ome. And so the name ‘Ere Desleigh, which was later contracted to Iddesleigh, was born. In 1723 the first outsider came to the village, he was a Methodist missionary called Abel Henrick and easily converted the gullible villagers. Soon afterwards the first chapel was built just outside the village. A few months later Abel discovered about the inbreeding that had been going on in the village since it was first built and tried to explain to the villagers why incest was wrong. The villagers (mainly the ones with seven fingers) didn’t take very kindly to this and burnt down the chapel with him locked inside. Interestingly a new chapel has now been built on the same spot and Methodists are now the dominant force in the area, though the village policy on inbreeding has not changed. In 1845 the Earl of Iddesleigh started the Iddesleigh Friendly Society, as with all good secret societies membership is restricted to men only. Once a year they all dress up in women's clothes and parade around the village and then gather in the village hall for a meal of fresh roadkill and to discuss secret cloak-and-dagger hush-hush.
edit The Public House
The Duke of York Inn got its name when the grand old Duke of York marched his ten thousand men up the hill to the pub (then called the “Turnip and Tater“), found that it was too small for ten thousand and immediately marched them down again. It has everything that a good local pub should have, real ales and cider, good wholesome food, a roaring log fire and, nailed to the walls, some of the belongings of non locals who have mistakenly popped in for a drink. The village idiot, Ron "Bollocks" Bendall, who once had a job as local TV personality and weatherman, provides much needed entertainment for other drinkers in the pub by regailing stories of how the weather was always better when he was presenting it. He is the arch nemesis of Noel Edmonds, who also frequents the pub with his only friend Mr Blobby.
edit Ye Olde Giffte Shoppe
The gift shop was officially opened by local dignitary Noel Edmonds in 1603 and has been run by the same family ever since. The current owner, Mr Edward Same, still sells the traditional postcards, dried badger hams, jewellery (reclaimed from the local cemetery), gin traps and clocks (the faces made from old AOL CDs) that his father and their fathers sold before him. A wide selection of over-the-counter drugs including magic mushrooms and heroin are also available.
edit Other Places of Interest
Can be counted on the fingers of one head.
1. In 1284 Desmond Leigh’s son David introduced a by-law making it legal for a woman to marry her brunkle. Shortly afterwards Mary Leigh married her brunkle David Leigh.
2. Currently everyone in the village is related, the most distant relatives being second cousins.
3. The log fire in the Duke of York is always lit, it is thought that this is because the villagers have forgotten how to make fire and are now afraid to let it go out.
4. It is said that on certain days of the year if you walk into the Duke of York you can be mysteriously transported to inside the Red Lion in Exborne five miles away. This Myth has recently been popularised by the BBC TV series “Down to Earth”.
5. Witch burning & sacrifice of the first born: Saturday 4pm prompt. If wet, in village hall.
6. Just to add a little reality to this wonderful (if a little colourful) article, I would like to introduce myself as 'peoples exhibit no. 1'. I am an adult brought up in Iddesleigh, now retired and living in Cumbria. I worked for my whole career, in IT controlling (successfully) multi-million pound projects and sending teams around the world to solve challenging IT problems. When I was invited to make dinner speeches, I always started by explaining my accent. I said in my best Jethro accent: 'I caaan't reed nur ryte but I kin dryve tractrrr' (translation I can't read or write, but I can drive a tractor'. This normally warmed people to my Devon ways, prior to me hitting them with the 'techno babble'. Just to prove that the Iddesleigh blood lines were not so bad after all! (Many of us did well for ourselves - surprising what a good home life can do for you). I love everything about the village, the people are warm and welcoming and the place, well you should see it. Its the last place in the UK where 3 cars in a day, qualifies as a traffic jam! See it and fall in love.