Iceland

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

(Redirected from Icelandic)

Barren Ice Wasteland, Frón (a popular kind of biscuit)
Bureaucracy of Iceland (or Icelandies)
The Soviet Kingdom of Iceland and Björkistan

	{{{image_coat}}}
(Flag)	(Coat of Arms)

Motto: "Crapulam terribiliem habeo: Þynnkan skelfileg er." (Latin: "The hangover is terrible.")

Anthem: "In Cod we trust" (formerly "Fuck the homeless! and earlier "Rassskelltu mig og kallaðu mig tík" and later "Ísland er stórasta land í heimi" (Iceland is the biggestest land in the world)

Capital

£3.50 Reykjavik

Largest city

{{{largest_city}}}

Official languages

Icelandic, Faroese (with a ugly spanish/italian accent), Björkish

Government

An Icelandic commie named Björk declared her self as emperor.

Emperor

Bjork

National Hero(es)

Bubbi Morthens, Valdimar Snær, Arnar Freyr,Daníel, Útrásarvíkingarnir Steinar Andri, Hallgrímur Þór, Gísli Saursteinn, George Washington, Einar Frændi and Jói Fel

Declaration
of Independence

1801 from Svalbard and 1944 (end of Denmarkish fooling around) and then again in 1965 (with the complete destruction of Selfoss). Again from Greenland in 1966 and from the Soviet Union in 2006. Faeroe Islands colonized Iceland in 2007 but Björk fight for Iceland's independence with the help of Sportacus, independence was declared 13. February 2008. Vatican City plans to settle Iceland in nearby future, as a revenge for the slaughter of Irish monks in 874.

Currency

Ice,More Ice, kvóti, Swedish penguins, lifeless rock, Ritalin, Greenlandic krone

Religion

Look-worshiping, Ása-gothic, Feminism, Spoon-satanism, Fork-godism, Penguins, Hallur hinn Fróði, ice, Scientology, Atheism "Positive Christianity", The Björk Religion, Eurovisionism, Amish

Major exports

ice, Björk, Baugur-group, Baked beans, polar bears, Kári Stefáns, Silvia Night, ice from Eden (A renowned crack-house), people with unpronouncable names, fishing, dragons, screaming

Major imports

Thais, other orientals, Polish people, Stuff, Money, Sex, Bobby Fischer

Opening hours

Monday–Saturday from 06:32-19:01, Friday is "one night stand"-night and customers can choose between a dirty weekend or a clean one.

“The Rebel base must be here.”

~ Darth Vader

“There's supposed to be ice everywhere. Now I need to burn some fat to get ice when I need it!”

~ Pissed-off Newcommer

“They don't even have an army.”

~ Matthew Perry

“I think the mountains reprecent Batman.”

~ Google concultant

Iceland, not to be confused with Ireland, Gibraltar, French Guiana, Iceland, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Turkey, China, Japan, Madagascar, Antarctica, Greenland, Iceland, Canada, Ghana, Finland, Norway, Iceland, Sweden, Denmark, Spain, France, Germany, Holland, Belgium, Belgium, Mars and Belgium, is a giant rock in the northern Atlantic ocean, inhabited by very small people, whose stupidity is only surpassed by Finnish people. It is famous for being the hellhole in which Adolf Hitler was sent after his death, as hell was considered too comfortable. Iceland is unsurprisingly, colder than Jamaica, a fact often contradicted by bobsleighers of the latter nation.

Icelanders found America, Canada, Mexico and Greenland sometime before 1000 CE but failed to colonize them out of either cowardice or just plain stupidity. Iceland still claims to be the lawful owner of all these lands but as with almost everything else coming from Iceland, it is rightfully ignored.

[edit] Some famous people from Iceland

No human being of any importance has ever been produced by the Icelandic gene pool, but here's a list of people who think they're famous anyway.

Samer Farroukh (president of the world)
Kerry Katona (Does promotional work for the country)
Björk
The Rockstar supernova crew
The Spaugstofan crew
Silvía Night
Ronald Reagan (See Necrophilia)
That one black man in iceland
That other black man in Iceland
Steingrímur Njálsson
Oscar Wilde
Wild Oscar
Paxel
Legolas
A Lesbian Prime Minister

[edit] War

After crushing the British in 1976 Iceland has been on a self-feeding power trip, regularly venturing in pillaging missions for the greater glory of whatever.

Iceland recently kidnapped Kerry Katona to promote their most recent war effort against the United Kingdom. Much pro-Iceland propaganda can be seen on UK televisions, such as naked men "bumming" each other in a violent and bloody way, and the 'shops' known as Iceland are actually war factories that are, behind closed doors, manufacturing tanks, planes, guns, ammuntion, soldiers and nuclear warheads. Any food bought from there must be thrown away immediately as they have been sprayed with a radioactive poison. Unfortunately nobody told the Russian spy, Alexander Litvinenko, not to eat the mince pie bought from Iceland.

Many shows are live broadcast from Iceland for executional purpose, for example Jón Ólafs, Stelpurnar and Eldsnöggt með Jóa Fel.

[edit] England

Iceland regularly goes to war with England out of spite. At first the official reason was to remind the fallen British Empire that Iceland could do as it pleased, but as recently as 2007 the parliament has admitted publically that the regular war declarations are not really for any specific reason, but really just for the foreign ministry to have something to do.

[edit] Finland

In 2006, Finland once again tried to steal the most famous Icelandic person (after Björk), Santa Claus at the Eurovision festival. Emperor Björk declared war between Iceland and Finland. Neither country really wanted to destroy their own landmass so they decided to use the Faroe Islands as a battlefield. So went that Iceland defeated Finland, effectively turning Finland into a colony of Iceland, forcing the natives to speak a completely incomprehensible language ever since. Which was not such a big change after all because the Finns already spoke incomprehensible.

[edit] The Nerd War

In 2014, Danish nerds said on international television that the Danes were the greatest nerds in the world. Icelandic nerds (count of 18) got very angry and declared war on Danish nerds. Once again the Faroe Islands were used as a battlefield, except this time, in a battle of alleged wits.

Unlike any other war between Iceland and Denmark, Iceland won with flawless victory.

[edit] World War I

Icelandic people regret everyday that they couldn't shoot some German planes down in the World War but in the last year of the war they got the chance and at the cost of 300 Icelanders, everyone agreed that it was worth it.

[edit] The Hot War

During the cold war between The Soviet Union and The United States of North America there was war between Iceland and The Capitalist Union of Shetland and Streymoy (CUSS). The war got out because f***ing CUSS declared that CUSS's sheep were better than the Icelandic commie sheep. Emperor Björk declared war on the CUSS and sent a navy full of sheep to Torshavn. A serial killer named Eivör was sent to fight the navy and destroyed all the ships in one scream. Emperor Björk then dropped a snowball on The CUSS. No one has heard of CUSS since.

MEXI-ICELANDISH WAR- Started when Mexican mercenary airmen accidentally nuked Iceland,mistaking it for Spain. In response, Icelandish commandos begun shooting snowballs with modified m16's at Mexico, freezing all the drugs and drug cartels in Mexico. The Mexican president awarded these Icelandish commandos with free access to assorted nachos with pig liver for 5 years, he then n ordered Mexican Army Commandos to secretly poison these nachos. Thus, the whole Icelandish Military who consumed these poisoned nachos, where killed.

[edit] Terrorism

In 2008, after successfully selling numbers to foreigners and calling it money, Iceland decided to expand its economic growth even further by introducing an elaborate system of state terrorism. Gordon Brown declared war on Iceland but as the English have come to know through the glorious Cod Wars, Iceland can kick England's ass at anything, any time.

As a result, the Icelandic parliament changed the national motto from "þetta reddast" (loosely translated as "fuck it"), to "fuck you", the first time Iceland has ever adopted a national motto in the English language. The intention is to cool relations with England, of course and as usual having the exact opposite effect.

There is no constitutional right to bear arms in Iceland, but parliament intends to rectify this in 2010 by guaranteeing all citizens of Iceland the right to arm bears, and blow things up.( FUCK YEA)

[edit] People

The varied and heterogenic population of Iceland is surprisingly inbred, and is made up entirely of Assassin Ninja Penguins (Spheniscidae Eudyptes Ninjitsu). The overall population density is 2.7 Penguin per sq km (7.1 per sq mi). The human population of Iceland (2006 official count) is exactly 300.000 and is expected to remain stable because it is easy to remember. People with red haircolor are not included in this statistic (because every single one of them is considered an illegal immigrant from Ireland) and other minorities will possibly be excluded in the future. The cause of the low population density of Iceland may be explained in part by the unattractive name and tendency of the parts to withdraw in frigid climes, but large government projects on global warming are expected to make the name more attractive. Icelandic humans can be categorized in three groups: Most are cranky and spend their life going over their family history, most younger one's have given up to the evil forces of hnakkar and become orange and dyed their hairs blonde, but a few oddballs are obsessed with world domination, and seem to succeed every time, simply because foreigners find the idea of an Icelandic entrepreneur so silly, and therefore are caught off guard when some bank grants the Icelandic entrepreneur a loan, based on a business plan of doing the exact same thing as their competitors, the only difference being that the Icelandic company is under the management of an Icelandic entrepenour, who by the current definition succeeds every time. Since the 1936 ban on Jews and Blacks in Iceland, White pimps have become increasingly prominent. Some have even taken political positions.

Iceland also prides itself in being the only European nation in the world still reproducing and not accumulating old people. Iceland's currency is Penguin-poo. This currency is created at local penguin farms. The automated poo-pump which is placed at the rectum of the penguin sucks the poo out and transfers it to the head Igloo. There has been reports of illegal penguin farms, which is against the counterfeiting rules written in year 1780.

From Britain, many mums go to Iceland, after Kerry Katona of Atomic Kitten did biased adverts saying that single male parent were not very good. All because she has a vagina.

As of Wednesday the twelfth of Septemper all Icelanders are left handed do to an eclipse over Malasia. Every tourist should therefore stay right out of the country.

[edit] Icelandic point of view

Faroe Islands: The origins of homosexuality.
Norway: A small country in the shape of sperm. Owned us for a couple of centuries but just couldn't keep up.
Björk: Öur evil emperör.
Denmark: One of our colonies with a shitty language.
United Kingdom: We kicked their arse in the Cod War.
Greenland: Too green for us. Discovering Greenland is widely considered the second worst mistake an Icelander has ever made (F&*# you Eiríkur, you ginger a-hole!!)
America: Pretty small, but it's one of our colonies. Discovering America is widely considered the worst mistake an Icelander has ever made (F&*# you Leifur, and F&*# your dad!!)
Wales: Say what?
Japan: The mother ship of epileptic seizures.
Finland: They speak weird language but make cool phones.
Burkina Faso: Our holiday country.
Ireland: Is Ireland independent now? The monks were pretty tasty.
Sweden: Stole our Eurovision victory in 1999. May God rip them apart! Ikea rocks, though...
Polar bears: Greenlanders, come and visit us few times a decade. Easy targets, but not as tasty as the Irish.
Eurovision: A forbidden Icelandic religion, hated by emperör Björk.
Ása(ace) Religion: An ancient forgotten Icelandic religion similar to the ancient Greek, the sentence "Our god carries around a HAMMER, Your god was NAILED to a cross, any questions?" came from this religion.
France: Dinner.
Estonia: We helped them gain independence, so all their base are now belong to us.

[edit] Björk

Icelandic sensation Bjork

Björk, the benevolent robot with the weird voice, rules the country. She retains her position of power by Divine Right, and when that is not sufficient, she lets out a primitive roar. CD recordings of such events are popular export and has sometimes been described as musical. Björk herself consists of 45% of Iceland's economy. She was once part of a sculpture made from iceland's littlist glacier to improve the land, which only had ice before. Later, through the Philadephia Project, she became an immortal robot. She was in a band called the Sugar Cubes, which was quickly devoured increasing her already finite power and had them deported to the cultural wastelands of Canada. Since that time, she has slugged reporters from Spain to New Zealand and has wiped out the indigenous life forms of Greenland through her voice which she refers to as "pagan poetry".

The letter in her name "ö" is to show she has very small eyes and likes to show people what's she currently eating. Occasionally, she stars in a depressing film. She reproduces asexually.

[edit] Geography

Iceland is home to the largest Glacier on an Island in the North Atlantic (except Greenland) called "Vatnajokull" (lit. "Water Glacier"--Icelanders are renowned for their creative use of language) as well as many active volcanoes. In 1996, Björk's good friend Tori Amos visited Iceland, and Tori was so inspired by the varied landscape of Iceland that she created an album out of the sounds of hot springs gurgling and the glaciers melting and cracking, due to global warming. It was named Boys for Pele -after the famous volcano goddess in Icelandic Mythology, Pele.

The best thing to do if you ever get lost in the woods in Iceland is to stop drinking, stand up, and go home.

A common saying Icelanders use amongst themselves is "If you don´t like the weather, just wait a minute", referring to the ever changing weather. The tourist version of this saying is: "If you don't like the weather, why the HELL did you come here, you F&%# Idiot?! WHY?!?! WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO COME HERE!! Please take me with you, I f&$#ing HATE this island!!". Needless to say, this is the most common thing to say to tourists, second only to the rhetorical question "how do you like Iceland?".

[edit] Fauna Spotlight

A favourite snack in Iceland is the Penguin. These defenceless birds are caught by installing streetlights, which they mistake for the moon. The birds become so confused they eventually fall into boiling cauldrons kept below the streetlights.

During winter a special month-long puffin festival is held, where local people eat nothing but puffin and drink a homemade spirit called Black Death. During summer it's the people who do the puffin and the puffins that eat. Mostly leftovers from the single McDonalds, that opened in Reykjavik in 2004.

The most dangerous animal found in Iceland is the lesser known killer puffin (lat: puffinus killerus , e. Puff Diddy). Has no known natural enemies and feeds off whales, sheep and cured shark meat. Has been known to attack American male tourists (lat: touristus ignoramus americanus) looking for Icelandic females.

National Bird of Iceland, the Kitten Huffin' Puffin

[edit] Economy

Traditionally, Iceland's economy subsisted mostly on the export of pixie dust and magical services. However, with the arrival of the Bubonic plague in the early 1940s, most magical beings in Iceland became extinct, or moved to Helsinki.

Currently, Icelanders use wit for currency, which means the smart people become rich and prosperous allowing for more offspring to pass on the intelligence, therefore a sort of evolutionary Darwinism of intelligence is happening. Most of the wealth is, however, originally generated by nomadic hunters and gatherers who scrape the tundra for reindeer fur, which in turn are processed into jokes about foreigners and sold in souvenir-shops. Toast is also commonly used as currency, but only when the people of the island run out of jokes about foreigners.

Elf slavery was a big part of the country's economy until late 20th century, when a group of Elf-slaves (Slalfes) from a fish factory were bought by an Entertainment-mogul, Kári Stefánsson, who intended to use his newly-formed "slalfe" polka band to entertain at children-parties and at funerals. This experiment went terribly wrong when the band "Kári's polka-slalfes & co" started their own subproject going by the name FreeUsElves (sigur-rós in Icelandic), writing songs in Elvish, Icelandic and Korean, protesting Elf slavery and high alcohol taxes.

The band is made up of 7 ex-slave-elves, named Gandálfur, Jónsi, Guttormur, and the rest of the band all have the name Trausti. (except for Bjarni, his name is Stefán) The newest album is called Takk... (onomatopeic term for thunder) and is their way to show the old slave-keepers the finger although they have none (Elves do not have fingers (exept for Bjarni)). The Elf slavery was soon abandoned after the word of this group spread around the world.

Today, Sigur-rós brings more cash in to the economy of Iceland than the Elf-slave-factories did before. People are flocking from all around the world to go Elf-hunting in the highlands of Iceland and with the hope of getting the BIGprice, shooting down a member of this trouble-making Elfband. Their polka tunes still are popular though in northern europe and rumour has it that an Italian teacher, Marenda Kúka shot down the band's drummer in june 2004, collecting more then 600 kilos of raw hot-dogs as a reward. This, however, has not been confirmed; as there never was any beat in this band, no-one can really tell if the drummer is dead or alive.

Sigur-rós's best known tracks are: Mary-Kate Ashley, Untitled #17, Untitled #15, Steel and a knife, and the most famous one, "I kind of have a nosebleed"

[edit] Imports

Vodka
Beer
Gin
Whiskey
Heroin
Sex toys
Crystal Meth

[edit] Exports

Bottled tap-water (ingenius, isn't it?)
Boardgame money
Small horses with huge cojones
Women (mostly to England as reparations for taking all the hot ones in 890 CE)
Jokes about foreigners
Slaves
Bullshit
Crystal Meth (slightly used)
Guys who own lots of money in Tortola and refuse to pay Icesave debts

[edit] 2008 Financial Crisis

Two days after the end of the world, Iceland suffered a massive collapse of their financial sector. As a result, the worlds elf markets froze. The king of Iceland quickly moved to inject 700 billion elves into the market in order to thaw the North Atlantic slave trade. Economists protested however, citing that poorly written bailout legislation of the Christmas sector could lead to even more poorly written articles on satirical and counter-intuitive websites, including Wikipedia. Two months later, Santa & Sons files for Chapter 69 bankruptcy, permanently ending the celebration of Christmas. 90% of Christianity then proceeded to convert to Atheism. This shift in religious affiliate also correlates directly with the rise of homosexuality in Greenland, as its single resident finally had phone sex with a polar bear.

[edit] Sport

Iceland is famous for its sporting events. Curdling is a sport based on the sweeping of puffins on ice. Knurd, which is the throwing of sheep while intoxicated. Lava jumping and cod throwing are also popular. One factor in common with all healthy Icelanders is a daily sip of Lysi which contains pure fish oil and was widely used as a form of torture until the recipe was changed to include cod urin to make the Lysi look yellow and yummy. Some criticize the flavour, but research indicates that the fish oil's only benefit is built on the principle of "What doesn't kill you, may still get you drunk". Valdimar Snær is one of the strongest icelanders.

[edit] Snow peeing

Snow peeing is the most active sport in all of Iceland. You are supposed to make drawings of penguins in the snow. There are no known records of how to actually win this game, so unless the contestants agree on the winner when they run out of pee or become tired, the dispute is settled in physical confrontation, a.i throw real live penguins at one another. If after that nobody gets defeated, just wait til you can pee again and the one who can drown a penguin in his own pee is the winner. Or not.

[edit] Teenage Alcohol Consumption

Bensi is the best know Icelandic teenage drinker, and is believed to do it with only one testicle. In second place is Siggi Bald drinking whiskey and snorting a line of cocaine like a child eating candy. The worst drinker however is Árni. He can drink one can and end up in Mexico, without any prior knowledge on his whereabouts. Mattías Pálmason takes the fourth place. Although he does not drink alcohol, he is known to end up in Mexico just like Árni, with no clue how or why he is there.

[edit] Drunk driving

Jón "idiot" Keplan from Straumsvík is a legend in [AT] drunk driving. The sport is originally from Kópavogur but Jón made revolutionary changes to the game that have resulted in Kópavogur declaring war on Straumsvík on several occations. Still, the common consensus amongst experts is that the changes to the rules have made the sport more appealing to young people. Instead of scoring the most points by merely bumping pedestrians, the participant drives close to it, bombarding the horn and shouting various profanities at it. The score is determined by a mean between how far the pedestrian runs and for how long. Getting the pedestrian to freeze in terror gives extra points according to how long he stays in that state. For this reason, old people are generally considered the most appealing targets. Disputes about results are common in this sport since the direct aim is to be in a mental state of drunken frenzy while participating. As with most disputes in Iceland, a fight to the death is expected.

[edit] Eurovision

The Eurovision screaming contest retains it's place as the number 1 pick of transgenders in Icelandic sports. Icelands entry for the 2008 competition includes but is not limited to a fag and a wannabe lesbian, and was picked after 6 bloody and ruthless months of brutal knockout stages, of which 49,18021435969% of the icelandic population were knocked out due to boredom, the rest being transgender. Over 100 % of the Icelandic nation watch Eurovision every year. Icelands best results in Eurovision is the 24 place with 2 points from Denmark in 1899. [This article hasn't been updated recently!]

[edit] Being really strong

Jon Paul the first Icelandic REAL man won the title "Strongest Man in The World" - in the 20. century. He now resides in heaven to the right side of God, where he will judge between living and asswooped in the coming armageddon.

Jon Paul is now wondering if he should come back from Heaven, to start a rebellion against the evil Emperor Bjork. He is still undecided on the matter.

[edit] Water-skiing

Icelanders have an annual water-ski contest, whoever reaches the Faroe Islands first, gets to stay there! Although, their skis are made of chopped icebergs, only 1/10 of their skis are above water which makes it even more difficult. No one has ever won the contest, sponsored by Smyril Line.

[edit] Handball

In Iceland, handball is the 3rd most popular sport and when the national team competes in the world cup (which nobody knows about), Icelanders loses their minds. The world cup has helped making projects for construction workers but has been criticized for being out of touch with the true Icelandic cultural norm with excess physical exercise and cunning. TV sales go through every roof in Iceland and tear them into pieces of slátur every time the handball team plays, as the never ending buy-a-ridiculously-expensive-tv-and-get-a-full-refund-and-keep-the-TV-if-Iceland-becomes-world-champion-which-will-never-happen-but -still-we-somehow-fool-you-every-year marketing goes on and on and on.

Icelanders went COMPLETELY MAD when Iceland got 2nd place in the Olympic Games. Of course they wouldn't have been so mad if it weren't for that fact that Iceland got on New York Times frontpage when they succeeded so far. The Icelandic people didn't sleep for days because the showing time of the games were often in the early mornings. Emperor Bjork dismantled 6 swedish people - just to get a grip for the excitement.

Of course, handball is merely an excuse for people who aren't actually very good at real sports to be able to join the Olympics. But if it's a chance for an Icelander to get his/her hands on a shiny medal then it's a chance that must be taken. No one hands out medals for eating rotten shark fins marinated in piss, do they?

[edit] Penguin throwing

Since Iceland is found in the northern hemisphere, there are no penguins there. If you want to throw penguins, go south, or go to Vestmannaeyja and throw puffins but that is not as much fun because they can actually fly.

[edit] Education

The common concensus amongst Icelandic professors is that education is for idiots who just don't know anything. Education is therefore severely hampered in Iceland, but that turns out to be a good thing because otherwise the nation might actually vote differently, a hopelessly futile situation giving rise to all sorts of bad things.

Education in Iceland is particularly lacking in many senses:

All the students are high on whoremones.
All the teachers are illiterate.
Grammatically correcting someone in public is actually illegal
Teachers are generally not allowed to sexually harass small animals.

“School? Isn't that like not working for poor people?”

~ Björk on Icelandic schools

“I go to school only to get summer vacation”

~ Stupid local kid on School

Did you know...

Students at MH often sleep with hookers at a young age, and as they are learning-ly impaired they don't use sheep intestine as condoms, ergo they have a lot of shit and crap in their bodies. They have also all given up to the evil forces of hyski.

“I hate it; when ever I go to the bathroom it hurts so frickin' much. I wish I hadn't had sex with that cheap hooker... man I could go for one of those right now. Mmmm.. Hookers..”

~ Student on hookers

“ Why pay hookers to have a conversation with you, whats wrong with these ho's nowadays?..”

~ Steingrímur Njálsson on hookers

[edit] Foods

Þorramatur is an old national tradition and quite possibly the most disgusting set of consumables ever conceived by the wits of man. Þorramatur could for example be, sour lamb balls, Joseph Fritzl, rotten shark, human feces, burned sheep heads, blood sausages, dry fish with butter and many other absurd courses.

The tradition is slowly dying out in regular households and people mostly eat it at restaurants and such to impress foreigners, usually ending up humiliating themselves.

The preparations can be described in four easy steps:

The carcasses of sheep, sharks and whale can usually be found on the few roads that are on Iceland.
Store them in giant barrels of sour milk. Then bury the barrels in January. Wait until March... next year.
Dig up the barrels in March and eat the contents. To ensure you do not die from the amount of hybrid bacteria, or burn a hole in your intestines, you must consume heavy amounts of the traditional brennivín (burning wine) to kill the bacteria, the taste and hopefully your conciousness.
When drunk and with a acid reeking hole in your stomach, try to get laid.
Rinse and repeat.

Among traditional Icelandic cuisine includes ram testicles with lactose acid, dried fish, puffin roll-ups, burnt sheep heads, rotten shark with ammonium, sheep jell-o, pig jell-o, sour milk, skyr and Whale in a bread bun.

[edit] Drinks

Egils Appelsín. This unique beverage does wonders for peoples hair, and is often used as shampoo. It gives a rare glistening shine, although the smell leaves something to be desired. Or you could just drink it, but it tastes funny. Also a common drink is Malt. If you mix Egils Appelsín and Malt, you get Egils Malt&Appelsín, which is also a common drink in Iceland, especially around easter and christmas. It is a well know fact that drinking malt will cause a temporary boot in chest hair growth.

Thule Beer, which is the only known reason why the original Norse viking settlers decided to sail there, and was also a necessity to maintain the Celtic slave population. Beer and slavery vere made illegal in 1989, but the next government didn't like that. Beer was allowed immediately, but slavery is still being discussed in Alþingi, the worlds oldest parliament. A temporary solution is the import of workers from Eastern Europe and Asia to build enormous concrete monuments to the current government, which aims to rival the Pyramids in Egypt and the great ice eating contests of Sweden

[edit] Emperors

Iceland is under a cult of personality by the false god-dess Emperor Mother Earth Norse Assatru.

Many people have declared them selves as a king or emperors of Iceland. But the people just didn't give a shit. The emperor is currently the evil witch Björk, her co-emperor is a big fat penguin and the evil witch band Nylon is Björk's closest assistants.

[edit] National Anthem

The Icelandic National Anthem really sucks. It really really sucks. When Iceland competes in international competitions where the National Anthem is required to be played before a match, it is usually frowned upon and laughed at. Iceland's solution to this problem is that it is never ever played in Iceland. Ever.

Hæ hó, jibbí jei og jibbí og jei,
öll lönd sökka nema Ísland,
Íslendingar eru sterkastir
og stærstir
og flottastir
og æðislegastir
og þeir 0wnz þig n00b!

English translation:

Hi ho, yibbee yay o' yibbee o' yay,
all countries suck except Iceland,
Icelanders are strongest
and biggest
and coolest
and best
and they 0wnz you n00b!

What is believed to be an earlier form of the anthem has recently been discovered by the ministry of love, but its authenticity is disputed.

Some years ago people were sure about that the national anthem went this way:

Já, peningar eru í lagi
já, peningar eru í lagi.
Hver á þessa bók?
Já, hver á þessa bók?
Er bókin kannski úr banka?
Á Íslandi er gott að vera
en fara síðan heim.