Hey you! Yes you! I want a cookie. I want a cookie so bad right now. A cookie that makes my tummy feel good. A cookie that is good for my soul. You see, I don't get much cookies. My mom says cookies are bad for my health, but she isn't here right now. Okay?
Also, I'm a very picky eater. I like things made the exact same way I order them! Okay? EXACTLY. So let's get dealing for some cookies, shall we? Ha, you have no choice. I'm cute and annoying. You cannot defeat the power of cute annoyance, it is virtually impossible! Yeah, that's what I thought. Now listen here, folk.
I want my cookie in five minutes or less. Now would be good, but just anything between instantly and five minutes. If I don't get my delicious cookie within five minutes, I will probably explode and cry. You see, when I don't get what I want, I cry until I get them. However, I don't take cookies for granted. Cookies are like forever life. To me, they are sacred. So unless you want me crying on the floor and making you feel bad, you best get cooking. My tummy won't wait for the cookie and I'm not getting any younger. While you are making my cookie, I'm gonna go get some milk to dip my cookie in, alright? Good.
A lot of kids don't really like chocolate chips. They don't really even taste like chocolate or chips. Actually, they kind of taste like peanut butter pretending to be chocolate. You cannot easily copycat chocolate. I mean, not all chocolate chips taste bad. Like M&Ms, they taste good. But I want homemade cookies. Homemade food is the best there is, you know what I'm saying? When I get my cookie, if I see one chocolate chip, bad things will happen!
Sugar cookies are nice, for they are made of sugar. And I know all cookies basically have sugar in them, but I'm talking ass tons. Oh! Excuse me for using foul language. Mommy doesn't like it when I swear. She hits me hard when I cuss. To the point where I am black and blue and crying. Even sometimes bleeding. But now let me just get back to the subject. Sugar cookies have always been my favorite type of cookie. So make it a sugar cookie!
There is nothing wrong with making cookies with the ingredient of love. I don't feel loved at home, so I want my cookie made with love. Wait, no! Make that extra love. I want my sugar cookie with no chocolate chips made with so much love, I won't feel hated ever again. I may only be a nine year old girl, but I know that you can make cookies with love! That is what all the other kids tell me around Christmas time!
Frost my cookie. Frosting is the best kind of topping for everything. During the rare occasions when mommy lets me eat cake, I only enjoy the frosting. However, mommy doesn't like it when I don't finish the whole piece so I avoid getting in trouble by eating the whole thing. Also, my favorite kind of frosting is a tie between chocolate and vanilla. Put them both on there! Wait, no, don't. Nevermind. Wait, actually, yes. No... just chocolate. Or, no! How about vanilla? Yes, vanilla. Actually, no! How about... yes, both! Both chocolate and vanilla frosting! And remember the sugar cookie with extra love, and no chocolate chips! And also, you only have about two minutes to make my cookie. Better get hustling!
Dude, you didn't think what I said about being tardy with my cookie was true? I may be a nine year old girl, but I can kick your ass! Ooh, sorry for using naughty words again. But seriously, not only did you not finish my cookie in time but the whole thing is burnt into a crisp! Haven't you ever been taught how to cook a freaking cookie? You have upsetted me for the last time!
1,2 buckle my shoe
3,4 shut the door
5,6 pick up sticks
7,8 full of hate
9,10 kill the men
11,12 burn in Hell!