I Think Satan Likes Your Mom
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|I Think Satan Likes Your Mom|
ITSLYM's only constant member, lead singer and rhythm guitarist George W. Bush
|Genre||tr00 Metal/psychedelic symphonic funeral doom toss metal|
After one of his many businesses fell through - most notably his Emu porn venture - Bush decided to follow his dearest dream from his junior high school years and form a thrash metal band. Like Bush's earlier ventures, his band was a sad, pathetic failure, and it ended up becoming one of the saddest excuses for "true" metal ever. ITSLYM is said by all its previous members to be a bad mark on their careers just so Bush could keep living comfortably, which, with all of daddy's money he would have anyway.
A Short History
Bush was quick to hire ex-Metallica lead guitarist and then-Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine on lead guitar. He accomplished his semi-impossible feat by promising that the band would sell more albums than Metallica, and that he would also supply Dave with a year supply of China White and heroin (which Mustaine proceeded to expire in a matter of 20 minutes). Future Primus front man/bassist Les Claypool and future Tool drummer Danny Carey joined in 1985 and they proceeded to record an album of tr00 Thrash Metal that was obviously ripping off Metallica and Slayer, who had, of course, obviously ripped off Judas Priest, Motorhead and Venom, who had in tune obviously ripped off Led Zeppelin, Cream and Blue Cheer, who had ripped off Muddy Waters and Willie Dixon. Circle of life, man...
By 1986, ITSLYM released their first full-length album - AAAAAA!. The album completely flopped and everyone hated it, except for inexplicable success in Portugal, where it was briefly popular as the background music for a laundry soap commercial. The album's lead single "I Have Flies On My Testicles (Sucking Away At My Semen)" is considered among the top 7 worst songs of all time. The album sold about 8 1/2 copies - one for each band member and their mother (it is not very widely known that George W. Bush's mother has a Siamese twin attached to her left breast - she named it Tipper Gore). Mustaine was consistently ridiculed by Metallica fans (which forced him to leave the band, citing racism). Carey left about a day later citing that he actually listened to the full album for the first time and claimed he'd "rather be in a band where our most popular song is about sex in prison."
Between The Early Years And The Final Years
Bush was not going to give up, he hired Scott Ian of Anthrax to replace Mustaine (Note: Ian is a rhythm guitarist, and Bush failed to realize this until the next album required solos. Because neither he or Ian could do them, they proceeded to fart on a snare drum for 37 minutes in lieu of soloing.), and Steve Vai to replace Carey (Note: Vai is an accomplished guitarist, but his drum kit consisted of a snare drum sans snare, and crash cymbal; Vai has since expressed embarrassment and regret at being persuaded to switch instruments).
They released their Metallica "homage", Master Of Drunkards, in 1987, which featured the single, the title track, which was a whopping 10 minutes in length. Bush did not shorten the video or single for radio play, as he threatened that he would eventually begin working for any communication companies that did so. The album, however was an even bigger flop than the first one (Claypool's mother didn't even buy it this time). It also featured the unpopular song "Eyes Falling Apart", which featured Mike Patton on lead vocals and groin rubbing. Claypool quit immediately after the recording of the album, citing that he was visited by Tommy the Cat, who instructed him to form a band that would play a song about him that would later be released as a single, so he formed Primus. He was replaced by Dimebag Darrell, (a guitarist, who naturally was used to using a pick, when Bush was asked why he chose a pick bassist he responded "there's a difference?").
In 1988 Bush, impressed by Patton's groin rubbing skills, announced that Patton would become a permanent member of ITSLYM (there were rumors that Bush had a homosexual affair with Patton as well). However, a few weeks later, Faith No More noted they had been impressed by Patton's groin rubbing skills and wanted him to join them, Bush lost a court battle with FNM over Patton later that day, and Patton joined Faith No More (with whom he rubbed his groin on microphones until 1998, and continues to do that in his solo career to this day). Bush eventually thought of disbanding ITSLYM, but then found a new gay lover in a then-18-year-old Fred Durst. Bush found that Durst was even better at groin rubbing than Patton, and added him to the group in 1989.
The Durst Era/Final Years (In The 80's)
Dimebag Darell quit soon after Durst joined, citing an interest in free form jazz, he formed Pantera. He was replaced by Oscar Wilde, who recorded with the band on their last album in over 10 years, The Propaganda Album. The album was such a commercial flop that the only single from the album "Poop In Your Hat Bitch" was distributed to all major radio stations for use as coasters.
Almost immediately after the release of Propaganda..., Ian, Vai, and Wilde all quit on the same day. ITSLYM continued for a few days (and performing at the 1989 New Years Eve Concert in New York City with a temporary live lineup that included Kerry King, Flea, and Lars Ulrich, who claimed he was not paid enough to play the show. But Durst and Bush both woke up on January 1, 1990 with bad hangovers, sore dicks and severe cases of genital warts, so they decided to call the band quits. Durst went on to form a band even crappier than I Think Satan Likes Your Mom, Limp Bizkit, while Bush worked for many failed businesses before being crowned the first Nazi dictator of the US by his father. Also, their label released a greatest hits compilation in 1992. Expecting massive sales, they shipped 77,563,673 copies, however it sucked so bad that all were returned to the label. ALL!
Reunion (Oh Crap)
Unfortunately, in late 2005, with Bush's new job as president obviously going under, Bush announced he was going to reunite I Think Satan Likes Your Mom with Durst, new lead guitarist Tom Cruise (formerly of Prophets of Scientology), new drummer (as well as his sex slave) Antonio Banderas, and new bassist Penn Jillette. They began touring in November, and are expected to have a new album We Made This Album Because George & Fred Needed Money, out by February 2006. Wait, it's already January 2015! Damn! Some things have changed since then...
So they released the new album and...it bombed. Yes we know that every single previous ITSLYM album bombed, but this one bombed BIG TIME! Why? Well one every past ITSLYM album there was at least one member who actually had talent, but on this album, the people didn't even know how to play their instruments, so...Bush fired all of them!
Under this line-up, the band toured briefly, opening for Steve Miller, Rod Stewart, and Mannfred Mann's Earth Band on the collaborative Monsters of Music Loved by Mothers tour. They also supported Dexy's Midnight Runners at a catastrophic USO Show in Tikrit, Iraq, which ended in a massive, drunken game of Boggle.
What Happened Next? Yet Another New Lineup...
Unfortunately, now completely bankrupt, Bush decided to continue the band. In an interview with your mom in March, Bush revealed that the new ITSLYM lineup was the "tr00est lineup yet".
Because no living people wanted to play with Bush, he decided to use his father's money to resurrect the corpses of dead musicians. The new lineup includes Bush, former Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell on lead guitar (who had previously played in the band...as a bassist), former bassist Metallica Cliff Burton (who, when resurrected, was immediately visited by Lars Ulrich, who claims that Burton owed him money that flew out of the tour bus when he was killed), ex-Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham, and rapper Tupac Shakur.
Bush has announced that the new ITSLYM album was going to be a death metal album because "I'm playing with a bunch of dead people, hehe, get it? It's funny because it's true!" Dimebag announced that the album was going to be called Black House and was be released some time next year. The very few long time fans the band has had (Bush's parents and his brother Jeb) were excited about the album.
But, in an unexpected turn of events, the new album in production with the "dead" lineup was scrapped. For what reasons, Bush was quoted as saying, "them's a bunch of smelly pansies - I've bought my way into one of the most elite bands ever now, hehe..."
Enter Suicidal Tendencies front man Mike Muir. In one of the least publicized band feuds, Bush claims that Muir tried to tell him that he was old and couldn't write to save Dick Cheney's life (which is true). Bush responded by claiming Weapons of Math Destruction were confusing him and that "Bin-Laden is using his magical brain-ray to try and confuse ol' Dubya... Well I'll tell ya something... It ain't gonna happen!" Muir, completely confused by Bush's inept rambling left confused and Bush, as he does with all other hostile take overs, sent troops to visit Suicidal Tendencies, erected a puppet management system, held a rigged election and became lifelong dictator of Suicidal Tendencies, which he now calls "Dubya's Super Happy Fun Time." The first ITSLYM album with the new lineup, tentatively titled We Are Not A Gang (Really), is currently set to be released next year.
However, in the middle of the recording of this album, the 4 new members of ITSLYM were skateboarding and they all crashed into each other and they...died...it's very sad, but thats part of life boys & girls, it'll happen to you some day too...
...actually they didn't really die, Bush just made up that story. What really happened was Bush go tired of them and fired them. Fortunately, the production of We Are Not A Gang (Really) was not scrapped, as Bush claims he had finished all of his tracks ("I only play two notes just like always", explains Bush). Then, the big news came out...
Bush announced at a press conference on the Iraq War that ITSLYM will be reuniting with original members Dave Mustaine and Les Claypool, who are helping him finish the new album. Joining them will be Slayer drummer Dave Lombardo, because originally drummer Danny Carey was, according to Bush "too busy selling out in those un-tr00 posers Tool".
Mustaine and Claypool (un)willingly re-joined the band apparently because Bush bribed them into joining the band, offering to pay them $1,000,000 dollars each "Les and I both need money badly" claimed Mustaine (Claypool shouts in the background "especially me!"), "we aren't going to enjoy this, but we're gonna get payed".
Mustaine, Claypool, and Lombardo are re-recording their predecessors tracks on the upcoming album, which frontman George W. Bush has recently referred to as a "psychedelic symphonic funeral doom toss metal" album.. whatever the hell that means.
We Are Not A Gang (Really was finally released in 2007, and saw a return ISTLYMS classic style. The band toured in support of Municipal Waste (because everyone thought that ISTLYM was a "thrash revival band, unaware that they had formed over 2 decades ago). George W. Bush was also a guest on Fuse's Talking Metal program. When he was asked if included his political agenda in his bands lyrics, he responded "well God told me to form this band, so yes." This comment caused an uproar among the metal community, who stressed that "no tr00 metalhead can be Christian, foo!". Bush has yet to respond to these claims.
Recently, the band dissolved after Mustaine found out that he can make more sales than Metallica since they are too busy trying to brainwash people into thinking their next heap of shit will be worth the money. So Mustaine's mentality is to release 9 albums in 3 years or some retarded shit like that. Claypool recently disappeared into the mud, verifying claims that he isn't insane regarding the song "My Name is Mud." Lombardo, though, is busy having a threesome with Kerry King and Mike Patton, who overdosed on many different drugs awakening to think that they all were caffeine pills (Kerry King is just gay). Bush decided that he is going to pack his bags and move to Norway in 2009 and produce his album by himself while burning down houses of those who thought he made mentally retarded decisions in the past 8 years (All of Norway is being burnt since the entire country thought that Bush ran the US into a heap of shit). He also said a collaboration with Count Grishnackh, who should be out (probably not) at that time, is a possibility, and by collaboration he meant "circle jerk." After that, he might come back to the United States and, as Mustaine said, "Washington is next" to get burned the fuck down.
A new beginning
As Bush was living in Norway he realized that within the next half year he would no longer be President of the United States. When asked to comment on how he felt about this, he replied "well it honestly doesn't feel too different than I ever did when I was president..."
Later during a press conference on the continued Iraq conflict, Bush announced that he had assembled a new lineup of for ITSLYM during his stay in Norway, compromised of all highly egotistical Scandinavian musicians. Joining Bush in his new venture are lead guitarist Yngwie Malmsteen, bassist Varg Vikernes (a.k.a. "Count Grisnackh"), and on drums one time ITSLYM live member Lars Ulrich. The addition of Ulrich was particularly surprising on to fans of Metallica who were expecting Ulrich to remain focused on "Death Magnetic". When asked why he joined up with ITSLYM, Ulrich stated that James Hetfield was not allowing him to use his signature Tama trash can kit and that by being ITSLYM he could contribute his "unique drum style" freely.
A month later ITSLYM announced that they had recruited former Skid Row, Damnocracy and Savage Animal vocalist and sex toy Johann Sebastian Bach in the long vacant groin rubbing position. Bach, a Canadian, rounded out the bands now 4/5 foreign lineup. When asked about the fact that nearly the entire band is now not natives of the United States, Bush replied "I've had enough of this fuckin' country". Bush also announced that the newly revamped band is making currently working on songwriting for their next album Fuck America!, which is slated for release on January 20th 2009, and already the albums controversial title has caused a stir among the US government.
In August Bush announced that Matt Heafy of Trivium is producing the new album, and that the music will be "tr00 old sk00l thrash...kind of sort of [exactly] like Metallica, but with [minimal] modern influence, so it's [not] our own sound! It's gonna rock you like a nuculur weapon from Iraq."
ITSLYM has had so many members its not even frickin' funny, and they've changed more so lately than ever. This graph makes everything easier I guess...
Sample Music Clips
Master of Drunkards
Last call (WHOA) today
Master of Drunkards is throwing up heaves! (barf)
What the hell am i singing?
The Propaganda Album
The Propaganda Song Lyrics
All lyrics in italics indicate lead vocals by Fred Durst
It's time to ride muthaFUKAS!!!!
Theres weapons of mass desturction in Iraq
We gonna end Islam
YEEAH MUTHAFUKAS IN DA HOUSE!
Check dis shit da muthafckin propaganda
Ya know watz good don't fuck da propaganda
This is a propaganda
[Groin Rubbing Solo-Fred Durst]
Christ will rule America
[Guitar Solo-George W. Bush]
yeah yo muthafukas won't be able to fuck wid dis shit
We Made This Album Because George & Fred Needed Money
We Are Not A Gang (Really)
• ITSLYM's official MySpace