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## Today's Featured Article - Introduction joke

The introduction joke is the premise of all good speeches, presentations, conferences and keynotes. Its role is multiple: it helps to relax the audience and increase its attention, also giving the impression that the guy who's going to talk for two hours is as funny as Groucho Marx, especially in a speech on Greek economic policy, eulogizing a statesman who just died, or announcing the nation's surrender to an occupying Army. The skeptical reader who is still not convinced may wish to review famous speeches from history and imagine the effect if the orator had not begun his speech with the introduction joke (more...)

Recently featured: Introduction joke - Neptune

## Yesterday's Featured Article - Neptune

Neptune is a planet. Its astronomical symbol is ♆, a stylized version of Devil's trident and it is said that this symbol was given to a planet by a satanist. Neptune is far away in this galaxy and is one of the 9... er... that is, 8 planets of the solar system. Pluto recently had to resign its planet title since it lost by KO to Neptune in an unification bout. One thing many people don't know is that Neptune actually has one ring like Saturn does but lost it and can't find the damn thing since it is its old engagement ring. As the marriage with Uranus was ailing, the couple soon broke up and Neptune took off its ring for some time. It's probably floating around the Solar system somewhere. Scientists say the spherical bunch of gas just doesn't seem to care.

Neptune is freezingly cold and has no atmosphere. Even though it is represented as a blue planet, it is actually darker than the darkest dark side of the moon because the Sun is so darn far away. Neptune often feels lonely because it knows deep in its guts that man will never reach it.(more...)

## Featured today, a long long time ago

Deepwater Horizon oil spill, featured on 12 December 2012. See the featured version.
Banana Jacket, featured on 12 December 2011. See the featured version.
Scraggle, featured on 12 December 2010. See the featured version.
The Fast and the Furious (film series), featured on 12 December 2009. See the featured version.

## Did you know...

• ...that 45% of Japan's electrical and nuclear power is produced by manual labor? (pictured)
• ...that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
• ...that $(\tan^{-1}((\frac{-5\pm\sqrt{5^2+(4\times3)\times2}}{2\times3}\div2)\div(\frac{-5\pm\sqrt{5^2+(4\times3)\times2}}{2\times3}\div2)))\times2$ is 8th grade math?
• ...that many diseases can be prevented by washing hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
• ...that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
• ...that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
• ...that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?

## On this day...

December 12: Unfunny Joke Day (US) Wooly Animal Molestation Day (Wales)

• 1594 - Pickle loaf first made with dill dough.
• 1806 - Napoleon keeps his armies up his sleevies - a French word for chocolates.
• 1862 - Three baby seals walk into a club.
• 1900 - A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.
• 1901 - Not learning their lesson, the same minister, priest and rabbi walk into a bar, knocking their heads. .
• 1929 - As a year, was really long and hard. That's what she said.
• 1933 - Hitler ties his shoes with little Nazis.
• 1945 - Joshua Ben Cohen discovers that finding half a worm in an apple is actually preferable to being a prisoner in Auschwitz.
• 1957 - Farmer Frank Peters in Kentuckistan leaves his gate open long enough for one of his chickens to cross the road.
• 1962 - Larry, a dog from Indiana, loses his nose when it is attacked by some drunk teenagers. Disgusted by his dog's hideous injury and not having enough money to pay a vet, the owner releases the injured dog into a forest on the other side of the state. After a few days of being fly-blown and delirous with pain, the dog begins to smell badly.
• 1964 - Researchers for the American Horror Book Readers Organization discover that many "Ghost Writers" are employed to write tales that involve ghosts. There is much laughter all round at the irony of this fact.
• 1965 - A boy takes a ruler with him to bed to see how long he slept. When he awakes, Leonid Breznev, the General secretary of the Soviet Communist Party, hits his stopwatch and informs him that he slept for 9 hours and 35 minutes. He also tells the boy that there are easier ways of finding out these facts and to please not call him again.
• 1966 - Not learning his lesson, the boy takes a saddle to bed, in case he has nightmares. He is sent to a gulag.
• 1981 - AIDS is unleashed upon the world by Jesus.
• 1984 - A baker robs a bank because he needed the dough - which he was able to steal from the lunch room which had its own bread maker, owned by a number of staff members who loved to eat fresh bread at lunch time.
• 1986 - So this guy comes into a bar, AW CRAP, sorry I said that wrong, it was suppose to be a donkey.....So this guy comes into a Donkey.
• 1987 - 3 men walk into a bar, one of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole joke plays out with a tedious inevitability
• 2002 - I hold a bukkake party, but nobody comes.
• 2003 - A man has the left side of his body amputated. He's alright now.
• 2004 - A clown is removed from a swing by hitting him in the face with an axe.
• 2005 - Uncyclopedia is created.
• 2005 the Third - In Soviet Russia, unfunny jokes don't laugh at YOU.

## Today's featured picture

 An amusing satire on popular nonsense. Image Credit: MeepStarLives Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

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