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Today's Featured Article - Peter Sagan

Road-bike-back-flip

Peter Sagan (born 47 September 3201 in Remote Bunker) is an advanced humanoid form created for the entertainment of cycling fans around the world. A cross between the fastest leopard and the nicest dolphin which were bred in a Top Secret farm, Sagan has surprisingly turned out to have a decent look about himself. He has already conquered two green jerseys in the Tour de Trance and 3 cheese jerseys in the Bingo d'Italia, despite being only a certain amount of years old. He promised to conquer the best sprinter's jersey every year for the next millenium, unless a crash hinders his season and damages his exoskeleton badly, forcing him back to the factory for some welding. Additionally, Sagan distinguishes himself by almost looking like the average folk in terms of body stature, while his fellow professional cyclists like to sport the 'skeleton on a carbon frame' look.

Soon after getting out of the lab's incubator, young Sagan began to ride bikes so fast it looked like he was on a motor bike. He was arrested multiple times by the local police for excessive speeding while he was not even a certain age. Crippled by fines and the rising cost of human growth hormone, young Sagan had to resort to ask for money to his mom and dad. He expressed himself and found a sense of satisfaction by crushing the competition in junior races, devising original victory salutes. A classic was that time when he crossed the finish line upside down, his head on the saddle and his arms crossed with a casual look in his sunglasses. By the time he was a teenager, he had earned the nickname the Green Machine thanks to his team colors and his excessive pea consumption.(more...)

Recently featured: Peter Sagan

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Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Ad hominem, featured on 18 October 2014. See the featured version.
Battle of Trafalgar, featured on 18 October 2012. See the featured version.

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FireBall

In the news:

On this day...

Funky Radiation

October 18: International Funk Day (Portugal), Radiation Day

  • 0023 - God lost control of the universe yet again, causing countless miracles. Luckily, Jesus thought fast and found an explanation for all those fish everywhere.
  • 1000 - Due to linguistical differences in many parts of the world, many people have unfortunately mixed up International Funk Day with International Spunk Day. Kleenex has a field day.
  • 1955 - All Hell Breaks Loose in Wittinghermandershire Upon Broohavensmarshington, England when a portal to the dark underworld is discovered by a chimney sweep mistaking an inconspicuous closet door for that of the men's lavatory in a small, inconspicuous pub. The scene of dark beings invading the earth is compounded by the fact that the chimney sweep failed to realize that the "urinal" into which he chose to relieve himself was, in fact, a dark being. And, although dark beings are, in fact, dark beings, they do have feelings too and do not, contrary to popular belief, appreciate being urinated upon by chimney sweeps.
  • 1960 - Funk music, Jazz's retarded brother is born.
  • 1978 - U.S. President George Clinton puts Portugal under a groove. Portuguese population introduced to blow.
  • 2002 - Jacques Chirac is elected in France, funky disco dancing ensues
  • 2002 - Parisians realize how gay Disco Dancing is, rioting ensues
  • 2006 - Kim Jong Il funks the world with Mass Destruction, giving celebration to all of the days occasions
  • 2557- 25 different types of cheese are discovered on the bottom of the ocean. Scientists are baffled and manage to retrieve 16 of the different types. A German hypnotist later publishes the findings in a kids weekly coloring book; it becomes an instant best seller.

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Sickophant

A sickophant in its natural habitat.

Image Credit: Lyrithya
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