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Today's Featured Article - Bureaucracy

Irelandbureau

Bureaucracy "No rest for the wicked," they say. Today had been the worst day of my life: my girlfriend had killed herself and stipulated in her suicide note that she was my long lost sister, with a PS that I should get tested for AIDS. Then I had gone to the clinic to get tested, and though I had come up negative, the doctor told me that they had accidentally used a dirty needle to take the blood sample, giving me a promotional brochure featuring many different medications that I would promptly have the privilege of choosing to fit my lifestyle.

Going for the Poo Lit Surprise Best Image with this one. In the shade of her voluminous pirate hat, the receptionist glared at me like just one of the many other personal insults that she had to put up with daily. "Hi," I began. "Uh, the vending machine swallowed my coin."

"Arr, it does that."

"Can you refund me please?"

"Flavoured Carbonated Glucose Solution Supply & Affairs department, 13th floor."

"What? 13th floor? Can't you just give me the money?"

"ARR, do ye be wanting to mess with this shit‽" she said with a threatening interrobang, narrowing her non-patched eye.

I backed off a step. "I didn't mean any offense, ma'am."

"Flavoured Carbonated Glucose Solution Supply & Affairs department, 13th floor."(more...)

Recently featured: Bureaucracy

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Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured Gravity (film), featured on 19 August 2014. See the featured version.
Alain Robert, featured on 19 August 2013. See the featured version.
Doody, featured on 19 August 2012. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Tyrannosaurus model at NHM
  • ...that US officials grabbed a Tyrannosaurus that entered the country illegally? (pictured)
  • ...that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
  • ...that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons... and morons?
  • ...that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
  • ...that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
  • ...that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
  • ...that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?

In the news:

On this day...

Knockdoe

FOR THE KING

August 19: Battle of Knockdoe day

  • 1501 - The de Burghs and Fitzgeralds agree to have a glorious battle in Knockdoe next year.
  • 1502 - Ulick Burke too hung over to remember what day it is; Gerald Fitzgerald "super pissed" that he didn't show up.
  • 1503 - Gerald Fitzgerald too hung over to attend the battle; Ulick Burke calls him a damn hypocrite.
  • 1504 - The Battle of Knockdoe. A bunch of Normans and Irish chop each other to pieces, probably forever altering English history or something.
  • 1524 - Studies show that fewer than 1% of schoolchildren have ever heard of the Battle of Knockdoe.
  • 1692 - Salem witch trials: five witches are put to death, reducing the witch population of Salem by approximately 40%.
  • 1919 - Afghanistan gains independence from the United Kingdom, bringing an end to the Second Battle of Knockdoe.
  • 1944 - World War II: Paris liberated from German Occupation in what is considered a stunning re-enactment of the Battle of Knockdoe.
  • 1952 - Jonathan Frakes, actor who portrayed William Riker, born in order to commemorate the 448th anniversary of the Battle of Knockdoe.
  • 1991 - Collapse of the Soviet Union: Mikhail Gorbachev placed under house arrest while watching docudrama about the Battle of Knockdoe.
  • 1994 - Linus Pauling dies of massive vitamin C overdose in an event completely unrelated to the Battle of Knockdoe.
  • 2004 - Quinticentennial celebration of the Battle of Knockdoe; said to be "pretty fucking awesome" despite no one showing up.
  • 2005 - Lonely tourist kisses the Blarney Stone, ends up in extended makeout session.
  • 2010 - The parish of Lackagh, former site of the Battle of Knockdoe, found to be infested with stinking drunken Irishmen.

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John McEnroe Pong

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