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Today's Featured Article - Violet Jessop

Violet Jessop

Violet Constance Jessop was a ship stewardess and nurse dubbed "Miss Unsinkable" after surviving three major ship accidents including the sinkings of RMS Titanic and HMHS Britannic. Controversy surrounds her as to whether she was a Jonah, a curse to any ship she was aboard, or someone possessing incredible luck. Survival experts argue to this day over who was the better floater: Jessop, The Unsinkable Molly Brown or your bog-standard duck. Several experts point to Jessop's floaty bits as being key to her survival. Other historians note that the first liner she left, RMS Olympic, became a remarkably adept survivor by shrugging off collisions with 3 major vessels, a torpedo attack and a hentai assault by a kraken. Further, they are of the opinion that her powers, whatever those might have been, would have qualified her to join the Golden Age version of the Justice League of America. (more...)

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P47 stoat

May 23: Stoat Molesting Night

  • 818 - The Force is disturbed for the first time.
  • 1783 - Due to a lack of women, American pioneers settle for stoats.
  • 1828 - Soap factory accident creates marshmallows.
  • 1829 - Marshmallow factory accident creates tupperware.
  • 1834 - The Force puts a DO NOT DISTURB sign on her door.
  • 1913 - Igor Stravinsky's The Rite Of Spring is first performed in Paris. It is a huge success and nobody riots, not even a little.
  • 1936 - Joseph Stalin's tye dye phase ends after only one day due to heavy criticism from peasants. Stalin then orders the death of all peasants.
  • 1976 - Syracuse, New York begins the annual Punch an Old Person festival. Results in 128,693 fatalities.
  • 1985 - The Force is disturbed by its obnoxious roommate at 3 a.m. The Force becomes pissed.
  • 2000 - B.O. level in Otakon reaches intolerable levels, government issues airstrikes.
  • 2001 - TimeWarner merges with Canadian Canned WormsTM.
  • 2002 - Canadian Canned WormsTM TimeWarner buys Microsoft.
  • 2006 - Ask Hal 9000 created.
  • 2007 - President George W. Bush accidentally knocks over his ant farm and cries.
  • 2011 - You Read May 22nd's "On this Day" section.
  • 2012 - May 23rd, 2012 hasn't happened yet.

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McJeebus

"And yea, God did provide Happy Meals unto them, for they were the hungry 5000. And blessed were the free toys...And on the third day the burgers and fries were reheated and served again...and he saw that it was good. [McCheese 15:24]"

Image Credit: Mhaille
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