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Today's Featured Article - Tony the Tiger

Aslan

Antonio Di Tigretta (born February 6, 1930), more commonly known as Tony the Tiger is the Italian-American furry spokesperson and mascot of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes cereal (or Frosties, as they are known in frostier, rainier sections of the world). He first appeared as a spokesperson for Kellogg's in 1952, and despite the 65-year period in which Tony should have aged since then, he surprisingly looks no different to this day. It is believed this miracle in aging-prevention is due to the abnormal levels of sugar and e-numbers in Frosted Flakes.

As well as his work for Kellogg’s, Tony was trained as a linguist and was a talented wordsmith, famed for his essays and works about the political and social turmoil of the world (see We're Grrrreat, volumes I, II, III, and IV, a series of books concerned with the rise and fall of fascism in Italy in a broader social, political, and economic context). He was also known and honored for his charity work, appearing frequently on television in the tear-jerking Frosties Kid commercials, appealing for the improvement in the health and welfare of Frosties Kids everywhere.

Tony was reared in captivity at an unknown location, meaning the details of his infancy and childhood are sketchy. However, at some point in his upbringing, his carers managed to train him to speak English, a fact that has confounded scientists for many decades (Tony the Tiger...)

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In the news:

On this day...

January 24: Plain Text Day
  • - Chuck Norris spontaneously comes into existence.
  • 0 - The first plain text message was decoded.
  • 41 - Caligula killed for textstalking people on his Boost Mobile.
  • 1337 - Not celebrated this year because everything was done in Leet text.
  • 1338 - =|> ASCII art kills itself <|=
  • 1563 - John Pepys records his shorthand diary.
  • 1838 - Samuel Morse demonstrated the first plain text telegraph browser.
  • 1878 - The first typewriter is invented, powered by Intel Core i16, having 160 GB of RAM and 600 TB SSD storage.
  • 1879 - The WWW is invented for the said typewriter.
  • 1880 - World of Warcraft, a text based MMORPG becomes the most played online game on the typewriter.
  • 1838 - Courier New fucks Times New Roman.
  • 1995 - The OJ Simpson jury delivers a verdict in plain text.
  • 2006 - Snakes on a Plain Text Day.
  • 2007 - I fucking hate plain bagels!
  • 2008 - Slavo-Indo-Chinese Buddhist Mujahadeen take over the entire Eastern Hemisphere and wage continental wars against the peoples of Antarctica.
  • 2012 - The final half of the Bible was written in plain text. It clearly showed, through the application of logic, that God was infact a three headed football.

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DogLabels

By popular demand, the National Pet Association has released a new guide for the best household chemicals to use for exploding your dog. Caveat Canem, indeed.

Image Credit: MoneySign
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