IRA
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“Yeah, I shoot people. I like shooting people”
~ Gerry Adams on getting things out in the open
IRA is a popular acronym most often used in reference to the Irish Rapist Army (a celebrity charity). These initials are shared with at least two three four five six seven eight nine ten other organisations, listed below:
[edit] Irish Republican Army
A bunch of bastards who shoot people they disagree with. Also, the IRA blew up Margeret Thatcher while she was staying in a 1 star motor lodge along with her fellow members of the British Womens Sowing Group. After this, a double was put in (who was actually Chuck Norris) so nobody would think she was dead. The IRA also headed the 2001 Irish Invasion of Britain in which a parking meter was destroyed and 3 traffic wardens slightly injured, however the BNP soon came to the resuce and told them all to fuck off.
[edit] Ira
Ira is a little old lady. Her husband was fired out of a cannon in the first Boer War, remaining in the foetal position and refusing to uncurl himself until impact. At length he was spied hurtling over the channel islands, this sight eliciting a mixture of Battenberg and hurtful comments hurled by the British Home Guard. Spotting Ira in their front window he attempted to burst in on her but failed to open the door before hitting it. Ira was prodded nose-first into widowhood for which she had already begun cultivating a dowager's hump. Seventy years later she is still entirely in the dark over his last words to her; "Honey I'm ho-". "Why is he ho?" she garbles between flapping cheeks, rocking and racking her addled puzzler like an idiot savant in the throws of starvation.
[edit] IRA (Income Redistribution Association)
The Income Redistribution Association was founded by Robin Hood of Belfast in 1916. The organisation is based around the belief that large sums of cash may explode if kept in confined spaces such as bank vaults. The IRA therefore has 2 main activities:
1) To demonstrate what these explosions would be like, by planting bombs in various locations. They have reduced this activity recently as they think we're starting to get the idea.
2) To reduce the threat of exploding cash by removing it from vaults and sending it to far away places such as Libya or Columbia.
Gerry Adams is in no way connected with the IRA, he has never even heard of them. This is backed up by his foolish activities of keeping large concentrations of cash in his basement, despite the IRA's educational efforts. He is cool though, in an uncool kinda way. He is also exceptionally tall, and has a great beard. He should climb mountains.
It has also been indicated by such Hollywood luminaries such as Indiana Jones and Richard Gere that not all IRA men are evil, even though they are trained by the Ruskies and equipped with NVG, AK-47s and satellite technology. When responding to accusations that he "didn't know the IRA from a hole in the ground" after his 1984 flop "The Armalite Of My Grandfather Grows Rusty" George Lucas stated "I know the IRA, they were brave freedom fighters in the jungles of Poleglass and the dusty hills of Donegal...well that was before they sold us out, the rat b-" his microphone was then cut off, he was frogmarched from the room and was subsequently found two days later in a ditch with four bullets in the back of his head. No group has yet claimed responsibility but the PSNI are not ruling out a paramilitary connection.
The IRA has had many splits in its long history. The most important one was the one in 1969 when Ruairi Ó Bradaigh chewed Tomás Mac Giolla's tobacco. The two wings of the IRA were called Official and Professional but the former are better known as Stickies while the latter are part of the Queen's government. In 1986 there was another split when Gerry Adams kicked the fuck out of Ruairi O Bradaigh and stole his chair. Ruairi sulked in the corner and called himself the Real Continuity Blessed Oliver Plunkett IRA. Gerry called him a bastard. The next IRA split will be on October 12th 2019 when Martin McGuinness will become Lord Rossville of Sniper Flats. Bobby Sands was a brave (Stupid?) Irish hunger striker who would love to eat a fish supper with an ice cool can of coke.
A little known fact is that Gerry Adams has a family of mice living in his beard, if you ever have the misfortune to see him on television look closely and you may just spot one.
[edit] IRA (Imperialist Regime of Africa)
The Imperialist Regime of Africa, is a collectivist group of nations united to fight capitalism. The capital is in the People's Republic of Nigeria. The figurehead of the movement is John Mzubatti, an African National, who founded the group in 1931. Much important work has been done recently reconciling the IRA with England, as the IRA had previously been a province of England.
[edit] I Really 'Ate (Madchester)
I Really 'Ate (Madchester) are a terrorist group that refuse to accept the rule of the God-King of Madchester, Tony "fucking" Wilson. Another local terrorist group is the Salford Lads Club led by Morrissey.
Madchester had at one time some of the ugliest landscapes known to man including the dreaded bog Arndale. However the urban renewal programme started by the progressive terrorist group the IRA has largely remodelled the landscape. Although perversely the Arndale remains.
[edit] Irish Redevelopment Association
The Irish Redevelopment 'Association are a construction company based in West Belfast, who work both domestically and abroad. Their most hailed achievement by far is their contribution to the city centre of Madchester (in collaboration with the above group). Their services have since been requested in numerous cities around the world - such as Baghdad, Basra, Caracas, Fallujah, Kabul and Tehran - but they are struggling against the corporate pigs of the American firm 'iMassacre, inc.' and the British firm 'Easybomb'. Other works include the RMS Titanic and Colonel Gadaffi's solid-green slippers.
On Good Friday, 1998, the IRA announced it would stop trading for a while in order to let a bit of fresh air in. It has since closed the windows and refused to open them until the air outside was guaranteed to be fresh. Thanks to the efforts of Greenpeace this situation is unlikely to change for some time.
[edit] Irate Rats of Antarctica
Following the break up of the USSR, communist rats emigrated to the Antarctic wastelands to hopefully set up a better life for themselves. When this didn't work, they became sad, and started this group partially to ease the pain, and partially as all 13 rats had meeting fetishes. When asked to be subjected to MTV's attempts to turn this into a reality TV series, the rats banded together and formed the Irate Rats of Antarctica.
[edit] IRA (Internal Revenue Service)
These are the people who collect your taxes. Wait, that's IRS. Never mind. Although by many they are considered to be the IRA - given that their common name is Internal Revenue Assholes.
[edit] ICBINTIRA
Formed on 18 December 2005, I Can't Believe It's Not The IRA is one of the many dissident Irish Republican Armies, themselves splintering off from splinter group the Diet IRA.
After the prefixes Official, Provisional, Continuity and Real were taken, the naming of the group seemed to make sense.
[edit] Irish Riverdance Academy
A school based in Dublin that teaches Irish riverdancing, a dance known for the dancer's ability to keep the torso completely immobile while everything below the waist goes all spastic.
Since the early 1920's it has been in a court battle with the Irish Republican Army over a copyright violation stemming from improper use of the initials "I.R.A.".
[edit] IRA and the UCD
The Troubles between the IRA (Idiot Rangers Army, or Eeejit Rangers Army as the locals say) and the UCA (Ulster Celtic Army) started when Celtic beat Rangers 10-0 in the over 85's pregnant women's division final. Rangers accused Celtic of cheating when Kitty 0' Micks colostomy bag was "accidently" burst open, causing half the team to vomit from the smell, while the other half simply thought their dinner was ready. The IRA and UCA are both (rubbish) football firms, the IRA supports the Protestant Rangers team and the UCA support the Catholic Celtic Team.
Known Supporters of Celtic are : * Father Ted Crilly
* Mary (This has been condemned by the Church of England)
* Oliver Cromwell
* Eeer, that's about it to be honest
American's the native people of Ireland, have been caught up in "the troubles" ever since the 10-0 defeat at upton park. The Troubles looked like they would fade and die about a year later, but it all sparked off again when the IRA and UDC became upset about the National Irish Tiddlywinks Championship (the national sport of Ireland).
[edit] Imp's Retaliation Army
See, theres a secret race in Ireland known only as the "Imps". Imps are leprechauns who have turned to the Dark Side. The Imp's are rarely seen or indeed known about in Ireland although they occasionally slaughter random innocent people in exchange for pictures of KFC chicken with which they hastily masturbate before they implode.
The Imp's Retaliation Army, or IRA, is a band of the fiercest Imps whose primary objective is to steal as much multinational chicken from the KFC establishment as Impishly possible.
Gerry Adams is known to detest the Imps because as well as stealing his army's name, they often milk him in his sleep as they praise him as their righteous leader.
[edit] Iranian Rafting Authourity
I'ranian Rafting Authourity or IRA was founded sometime after 1945 in response to the vast amounts of time being devoted to sailing beheaded corpses and other shit down rivers that flow through Iran. The government decided to regulate this heavily too many people were having fun in an Islamic state and this might lead to dreams of freedom and grandeur. President Eternal leader and great glorious prophet mohammad ali shakur Mahmoud amadinjihad, had this to say " FUN! doesn't that mean Fire Uranium Nuclear non-proliefration?". there are a great many rafting clubs in Iran now like Tehran whitewater rafting club and The Euphraties River police and fun club and lastly The Al quada outward bound rafting scociety and international aid campeiners".
[edit] And whatever
[edit] See Also
For more information about the IRA, see the following:
- Islamic Republic of America
- Gerry Adams
- LRA
- NRA
- Northern Bank
- Northern Ireland
- Investment Banking
- Malta
