This IQ test is a free written paper; please leave your money on the side when completed. You have 1 hour, starting from 14:23, yesterday.
Mathematical Section
1. Describe infinity as a whole number.
2. If a pear costs 20 pence and three apples cost 45 pence, how many oranges do you have?
3. Derive the EulerCauchy equations using only a straight edge and compass. Discuss in detail the role these equations had on mathematical analysis in Europe during the 1800s and how they will help us in the future or technology.
4. Find h in diagram 1, diagram not to scale, no use of ruler permitted, show units of measurement.
5. Using a set square, calculate the percentage error of the 90 degree angle at the corner of this piece of paper.
6. Prove or hence otherwise show that 5 add 5 equals 11.
7. Deduce the letter Y and subtract 100 then divide this number by the number infinity. (show your working)
8. Calculate exactly, to 342,4 significant figures, in seconds, the time it took for the universe to begin and end.
9. Explain in no less than 48 A4 sides on the subject of why the answer to $ 0^0 $ isn't 1, showing the true value for it, and how you derived it, you must show all your working.
10. Calculate four dimensional space. Note 4D isn't the same as 3D or 2D.
Reasoning Section
1. If David has only two apples and three oranges, how would he go about constructing a nail bomb?
2. Perform a Miracle, You will be awarded extra marks for creativity.
3. Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with the flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
4. If This is That, and These are Those, and today is not Saturday, how long will it take for Tim to finish this test?
5. If Jimmy has six apples and Johnny has four apples, why don't they eat their apples?
6. Using the Piano, construct a time machine to hand in this test before the deadline.
7. Using your innovation, write your answers to the rest of the test in your own blood. If you cannot do this question, blood can be provided for you but you will lose all marks for this question.
8. Justify the need for ham sandwiches.
9. Without testing, how many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie pop? How many to get to the center of a dumdum? We will provide a dumdum, but nobody likes dumdums.
10. Consider the liar paradox: "This sentence is false." Presuming this statement is true, discuss?
Scientific Section
1. Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.
2. You have been provided with a scalpel and some whisky, remove your appendix and dissect it. After this drink the whiskey and eat the appendix.
3. Deduce location of the edge of the universe.
4. Determine the gravitational force between you and this test, using the scalpel, you must show your work. (no materials provided)
5. Explain the argument behind the fushestal elementum theory, use modern pentium particle physics to help disprove this theory.
6. Using the empty whiskey bottle found on your desk and a pencil to observe an experiment where you inject Mercury in your veins, note down your observations every 30 seconds.
7. Deduce and or hence otherwise find the colour of neutron.
8. The statement "Light is an absence of darkness" is incorrect, explain why.
9. Would you rather be a proton or a electron? Why or why not?
10. Prove the existence of God, using counter argument.
Linguistic Section
1. Describe in detail. Be objective, vague and specific.
2. Which of the below is the odd one out:
 Camembert
 Red Leicester
 Cheddar
 Brie
3. Spell ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM, without looking at how it has been spelt on this paper.
4. Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is a technical term for a lung disease. Explain the origin of its naming, with references to Greek architecture.
5. Find the exact point at which you would die of boredom, from taking this test, use evidence from Catcher In The Rye to help explain your answer.
6. Kill yourself and still hand in the test 2 hours later.
7. Try to find a correct antonym for "antonym".
8. Try to find a correct Anagram for Anagram.
9. Create an invasion force using a pen, an apple and a car, then implement this in a strike on Eastern Germany.
10. Describe the word: indescribable, without using the word describe or any negatives.
Thank You
Thank you for taking the test, have a nice day.
Please expect six to seventy weeks for your scores to be calculated. Alternatively, we could tell you right now that your score is below average or even below zero.
See Also
Cream of the Crap This article was one of the Top 10 articles of 2006 (ish).

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