From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
iGod is a NEW version of God that was coded by Steve Jobs in an attempt to overthrow the US government. His attempts so far have been extremely successful. The iGOD looks like a normal iDevice, mixed with a little Zune. There is a halo protruding from the top. DO NOT touch the halo if you are a satanist or scientologist, both of whom will lose the use of their brains, and go straight to hell with their other followers. If you are atheist, a little bee will write your name over the seas.
How to worship
"Worship? A Macintosh product? AHAHAHA Man, that's funny all by itself." "Yes Bradley. A Macintosh product able to be worshiped! This has got to be the most ridiculous segment on this article. The iGod does not want your petty worship. What about you Bradley?" "You dirty dirty people! Why would a Macintosh product want you to worship it, you fools." Although the only way to recharge the IGod is by sacrificing your closest blood relative in his name. The iGod's preferred way of worship is by buying more Apple branded products. Your iGod wants bigger speakers, a dock, external hard drive, iGod super drive, plastic skin (collect all 5 billion combinations), auto adapter, FM radio tuner, XM satellite option, Airport Extreme (Yes iGods want their own Airport), an Octocore Macintosh Pro, a Macbook Pro, Apple Pippin, AppleTV, Steve Jobs' used socks, commercial air on cable TV infomercials, the iToilet, hookers, booze, crack cocaine, virgins, movie rights, selling your soul to the RIAA and MPAA, giving up your freedoms in exchange for eternal slavery to the iGod, and helping the iGod recruit more followers.
iGods down side
OMG I love my new iGod! The only down side is that he takes infinite years to charge, unless you sacrifice the blood of an innocent, like a family member. Pick someone like your brother-in-law that dropped out of high school and lives in his parents' basement and mooches off of them. Good choice. His parents will thank you, and the iGod thanks you by recharging itself. iGod is not atheist friendly. Many athiests have protested iGod. the production stopped in 2012, because no one believed in iGod. The iGod is built so that atheists cannot see or hear it or touch it, because the iGod is based on faith, and skeptics like atheists, agnostics, and nihilists, have no faith, thus the iGod won't work for them and won't even exist for them. Thanks to the fundamentalist atheists like Richard Dawkins spreading atheism and speaking out against the iGod and MacChristianity, by 2012 Apple had redesignd the iGod in some way so that even atheists can use it. That means the iGod 360 and Godstation 3 and other designs, read on for more information.
You cannot store any type of music apart from Christian rock and various commentaries. Although GodCasts and MusicMass can be easily accessed via God's website MiTunes.
The iGod accepts people from all faiths not including Satanism because it's just lame. Lamer than Scientology, and Satanism is so 1980's anyway when Heavy Metal Bands made it popular. Machristianity is where it is at now, the religion of the iGod.
iGod Church is simply sitting down at a Macintosh Computer for a few hours. Thats right, you have to own a Macintosh to join this religion. Just plug in your iGod and pray. If you don't pray, the iGod will DESTROY YOU. THAT'S RIGHT! YOU WILL GO TO HELL! (This means don't do it)
(this page is ridiculous, plus it infringes on the igods.com trademark)
“I don't know who god is :-) I don't judge people.”
A lot of Christians campaigned against this by holding a fete - it did fuck all day Said the Pope
The iGod holds a massive 20,000 scriptures, and over 100 hours of mass. You can also get Godcasts, which you can get from our website. For legal purposes, we cannot give you the website address, as God is a bastard and, like Dave Callan, will not give me his site address. Leaving other, unholy ip-ds in the dust of his iHoly wrath. It is also know to be in a variety of sizes, ranging from ST. Peter's size, to Sits on your shoulder size.
The iBible is a new plug-and-pray device for iGod. You can download scriptures for just 99cents! While you are downloading, iGod's eyes light up, and holy music plays throughout the room. No surround sound system here!
The iGod 360 will come into play sometime in the near future, but first god must defecate the prototype before he can brew another. Rumor has it that Bill Gates and Steve Jobs finally resolved their issues and became a team, thus creating the iGod 360. It will feature a new, younger god that comes in 7 different colours and will no longer need a Mac OS X computer. The iGod 360 will have a handy wireless controller that will give options to pray, worship, or make a wish in high definition. Also, one can pray now, via the wireless P.R.A.Y. intranet built into the new god, to pray with other believers, then beat them at the game of 'Worship Me' copyright GoD LiMiTeD. (not really).
The Godstation 3 (produced by PENGUINS!) is the iGod 360's major competition. Its the greatest thing ever,ya know. it cost an eternity in hell and the praying rates are 500,000 times higher than on the iGod 360. It is the follow up of the frankly amazing Godstation 2 which are now popular with Jehovah's witnesses. You can access YAWEH! directly from it while the iGod 360 cannot. "Judas Escariot" is exclusive to the Godstation and you can play PrayRay mass discs on the console. sex!
Cult of the iGod
Typical Apple fanboism!
The new cult of the iGod is here. We call it "Machristianity". We will worship a book and the ink that the writing has been recorded with. We will eliminate all non-believers and convert the other bastards. We will fight for as long as it takes for these people to believe in our book and the principles involved. We will fight only with kindness and pushiness. We will send mercenaries out door-to-door, asking people to listen to our stories, read our pamphlets, and if they don't want to, stand in the door way saying "We will save you! Come with us to our convent! Don't worship the false God! Worship; The iGOD!"
|iPods:||iPod - iPod Mini - iPod Nano - iPod Yocto - iPod Lo-Fi - iPod floppy - iPod chair - iPod Car - iPod Slim - iCan't Believe It's Not iPod - iCan't Believe It's Not Butter|
|iDevices:||iMac - iPad - iNuke - iRon - Apple Watch - iMath - iHamster - iRaq - iPoop - iOwa - iRak - iRan - IEye - iBladder - iClothes - iBrows - iRack - iDiot - iCarly - iBauer - iWeapon - iSland|
|iHardware:||iGraters - iSpell Key - MacBook - Euroipods - triPod - ehPod - YouPod - IHenge - iEarth - iPhone|
|iSoftware:||iTunes - iMovie - iLinux - Mac OS X - Mac OS 10.5 - Mac OS Y - Mac OS Z|
|i3rd Party Mods:||iPod Nano 200gb Instructions - iTrip - iHack|
|iOthers:||Neuroipods - iFraud - iCult|