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iCarly is a totally ordinary sitcom with nothing out of the ordinary.

iCarly is a teen sitcom on Nickelodeon. It is a light-hearted comedy about three kids (Carly Shay, Freddie Benson, and Sam Puckett) who host their own webshow, getting into all sorts of crazy adventures along the way...nothing more, nothing less.


For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about ICarly.

iCarly is a show about a teenage girl and her two friends, who create a uniquely-titled webshow together known as iCarly. On the webshow, the hosts' style of humor is basically a cross between the humor of '90s kid flicks and the speech style of Billy Mays. A laugh track plays roughly every three seconds, regardless of whether the moment before was funny (an idea inspired by the Rodney Dangerfield scene in Natural Born Killers). Designated villains are the ones who don't like the iCarly webshow. This assures the viewers that everyone who disapproves of an internet or television figure is a terrible person whose opinions don't matter.

After another few seasons, they will begin producing tween queen webshows for children to find online that send messages like "education is for losers" and "who wastes time trying to 'find out the truth'?". This will eventually be escalated to messages like "why shouldn't you be allowed to buy weapons?" and "would anyone really miss the White House?" and "who really wants democracy anymore?". Then, when chaos ensues, the creators will step up and establish themselves as the brainwashed children's leaders, creating the only organized group of power under a flag with Miranda Cosgrove's face on it! They will seize power and begin World War Three, fighting to create a brainwashed world at the beck and call of the show's creators, with posters depicting the iCarly cast covering every block of every town!!!


Carly Shay


Carly Shay, unsupervised as usual

Carly is a normal teenage girl who covers her house in stage equipment, cracks unfunny puns, and struts around in a bikini sticking her tongue out while acting like a little tart.

Sam Puckett

Sam Puckett

Jennette McCurdy on a typical afternoon

Sam is Carly's best friend who is a little misbehaved, to put it lightly. Being a tomboy, she hits people over the head for fun, shoots the fat kid with paintballs for making the same mistake she made, humiliate sFreddie for her own amusement, and gets away with all of it to promote the idea that everything an Internet celebrity does is okay. But actually, I’d like to go over what I’ve learned, in my new position, about, much worse, the actress that plays her.

The character of Sam was designed as a typical tomboy, except instead of a developed character, she would just be aggressive and cruel. It was simple enough, so, instead of hiring an actual actress, they just grabbed the angry chick who showed up to practice her punting skills on child performers. She accepted her payment in fried chicken, making her much cheaper.

Sam Pluckett3

McCurdy also has weird eating habits, but I don't have time to discuss that futher

She had obviously had a troubled past. The last thing she could remember was waking up next to a half-destroyed bar, so they had to give her an identity. They first gave her a new name to replace the one she had given herself (“Youremy Bitch”). Then they wrote a fictitious biography about her (basically a simplified carbon copy of Cosgrove’s story) and posted it on Wikipedia, ensuring that it would become the truth. Instead of acting tips, they just told her to use her limited self control to suppress her wild character as much as possible. There are outtakes, but the results are just tame enough to watch. However, the strain that doing this puts on her causes hell to break loose afterwards. There is only minimal, easily fixed damage to the studio, as she prefers to use her hands over other weapons (though she did once grab a cameraman and use his head as a battering ram). However, the cast and crew live in fear. She will attack anyone who tries to “be the boss” of her, so most people avoid her altogether. If one wishes to discuss the script (which, luckily, is usually not very important) with her, they must do it while hooked to her homemade “wedgie bounce” machine to satisfy her sadistic urges. (The machine must also be incorporated into the show at times to keep her calm until the end.)

She does, however, have a certain respect for the crew and their project, which has become a religion of sorts to her. She willingly acts as the muscle in all underhanded negotiations. She has also set up her own website to do her part in phase 2 of the plan, and she, as you already know, spends much time blocking legal derogatory statements against the show iCarly from view. She also bonds with Nathan Kress (Freddie) and, to a lesser extent, Cosgrove over sessions of covering them with football pads to practice beating people to death. Of course, an “enemy” of the show at her mercy is her favorite target. Every day she comes into the closet and spends an hour beating me with a pogo stick. ...Help me... Please.

Freddie Benson

Freddie is another one of Carly's friends. You are supposed sympathize with Freddie, not admire him. He is a subliminal message that, in order to be happy, you must discard your own logic and replace it with the show’s. For example, when he argued that he had the right to his own opinion on Fred Figglehorn, he met with misery, woe, and Fred’s tween zombie slave girls. But when he apologized for this, he was forgiven, a fate that can be yours as well if you become a mind slave to iCarly! (How did they get any viewers? How?) And of course, he is the butt of a humiliation gag every time he tries to challenge Sam's antics.

But no, he is not in love with Sam. The show would like to make it ambiguous, as this type of plot attracts fan girls by the dozen, but McCurdy would never allow this to be her character's fate. She is unfamiliar with the concept of romance (and refuses to try it for fear it wants to "be the boss of her), and she likes Kress only as a friend, fellow future dictator, and punching bag. But fortunately for her, the other writers for this show could never handle the amount of complexity (or any amount for that matter) that such a plot would require.

Spencer Shay

Carly's brother. He does do some things other than sculpt, so don't say that. People who say that must not really know this show.

Ms. Briggs

She's really not important enough a character to be considered "an original". That isn't really offensive, but I needed to do something to this section.

Mark Matzko

Sam Puckett2

McCurdy rarely cannibalizes the members of the cast and production crew anymore. She tries to eat Miranda Cosgrove only one or twice a year now.

This character is a myth! Why is this dumb made-up character in this article? Why?[1]

NO NO NO, HE’S REAL! HE’S REAL! He was a critic character they made up who was supposed to make legitimate, worthwhile criticisms to the iCarly webshow. The idea was for Carly to shut him down with counter arguments that, however mindless, at least sounded informed and well thought out (and then have Sam beat him to unconsciousness with a salami while Freddie filmed it for the show). However, they quickly realized that, no matter how many false facts and meaningless passionate rants they inserted, they couldn’t make counters to iCarly criticism sound even competent. Additionally, the actor cast to play the role was savagely killed and eaten by McCurdy.
Instead, they came up with an 11-year-old creep critic who only insults iCarly (in a way that carefully sidesteps logic) because Carly is the most wonderful thing he has ever seen and he wants to blackmail her for a kiss. At lot less intelligent, yes, but much easier to pull off.

See also


  1. Because
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