International Baccalaureate

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The subjugation of some Quebec IB students extends itself up to their graduation party, time of their illusional release from Satan's sign..

I.B. student working on a project

“You SHALL NOT pass!”

~ Gandalf on IB

A warning from Gandalf: HEED IT!

Some people have relationship problems. If you're in IB, IB is your problem.

International Baccalaureate (a.k.a.Idiot's Baccalaureate, IB, @*#&@#^^$, International Bullshit, It's Bollocks, or more simply, Hell) is a two-year programme of internationally recognised education edumacation for students aged 16 to 19. As an internationally recognised program, this is the definitive ticket to university around the world (Apart from countries that do not give a crap offer the program in states schools, e.g. China or Russia. Furthermore, it requires you to dedicate your life and soul to the evil gods of the IB, also known as the IBO, who live in Geneva/Cardiff/Paris/London/God knows where, and who delight in devising revisions to the syllabus that will make it impossible to pass. All IB classes come with a warning sticker attached. It generally reads: WARNING. IB class. Prepare to lick your teachers boots for a seven, share a bed with your laptop and calculator, worship your textbook and invest large amounts of money in bribes. There is a possibility that you will learn something, but this will be covered with so much bullshit that you will never remember any of it. Ever.).

[edit] The IB Mission Statement

Prepare For Trouble! Make it double!

To protect the world from devastation

To unite all peoples within our nation

To denounce the evils of truth and love

To extend our reach to the stars above

International... Baccalaureate!

I.B, blast off at the speed of light!

Surrender now or prepare to fight fight fight!

Meowth, a 5's all you get, that’s right!

[edit] Highlights of the International Baccalaureate Programme

The best part of this esteemed educational institution organization is that regurgitation is not only discouraged, but downright rude in an IB classroom! Instead, we require you to paraphrase.

To help break down the International Baccalaureate, and give you an adequate review of its educational value, we have constructed a table for those with a scrutinizing eye.

[edit] IB Conspiracy Theories

In the past, it has been theorized that IB was first created by Gestapo as a brainwash technique to train super soldiers to attack the Allied Forces through Cuba.

Modern conspiracy theorists, however, are convinced that the concept of IB was created as a cage for individuals who may grow up to be elements of social instability.

IB Coordinator(right) attempting to lure new recruits(left) into the system

The system lures the said individuals with a little beam of light, and then traps them into the eternal darkness of TOK's paradoxical spirals. Later evidence suggested that IB was created to provide fleshly ammunition to Wikipedia in its war with Uncyclopedia.

However, the attempt proved to be unfruitful. Long oppressed by IBO's inhumane training, students merely turned to Uncyclopedia for an entertaining method of procrastination. Most of the said students became Unclyclopedians and fought against the latter's copy cat: Wikipedia.

It is also believed that IB was actually a part of the Genevan Peace Treaty. Winston Churchill felt that he needed to punish the germans for trying to conquer the world and he made his best scientists develop this course which was made in such a way that after prolonged exposure one would commit suicide. Winston Churchill felt that in this way he could repay the germans for the Death Camps. Eventually as we can see through history, Hitler did take IB and had to commit suicide.

[edit] IB's Core Requirements (C.A.S.)

Aside from the zombie-state inducing hours of courseworks, it has also been decided that each student must show "growth" and "continuing improvement" via slave labour service, until they max out their karma meters. IB students, kiss your neat amount of hours good by, and take this opportunity to become reacquainted with your old friend, th

An example of this would be to help people who are nearly dead perform everyday routines, e.g. helping them to open jam jar because they are twisting the cap clockwise. This is the 'S' part of the C.A.S. abbreviation. Students generally apply TOK in CAS by arguing with themselves that by giving money to the poor they are actually helping them and thus deserve CAS hours.

As an all encompassing education program, IB students are expected to be not morbidly obese, i.e. Americans physically healthy members of society. They are expected to achieve this through 'actions', whatever that means. Though the meaning is vague, past student indicated that fingers and thumbs exercises through action-genre video-games are NOT included in this. This is the 'A' part of the C.A.S. abbreviation.

The last requirement of a successful member of society defined by the IB program is the total inability to do school work by yourself and finding ways to copy off others. However, if thou shouldst get caught, thou shalt be condemned to writing creative/corny quillets in the Shakespearean tongue. This is the 'C' of C.A.S.

These three core requirements to be instilled into the heart of all the IB students if once they completed the program, and are also required to pray to the god of C.A.S. daily.

[edit] TOK

This crock of shit class is where a bloodthirsty demon teacher sucks the life out of its students by forcing their brains to asplode. It should be noted that most, if not all, ToK teachers actually play guitar, so it has been theorized that all of them are in fact the same person attempting to promote their fascist doctrine everywhere. It also requires you to write a 1600-word essay on a prescribed title given by the IBO, none of which actually make any sense. After writing complete and utter bullshit for about 2 hours, you finally finish and go masturbate celebrate by doing some complex math equations. BUT if you don't get at least a D-, you automatically fail. This is probably the most pointless class in the IB curriculum, forcing you to "think about the way you think you think..." Honestly now, why does it matter? I know shit, period, end of story, get over it. I don't need to "justify my knowledge claims." Unless you want me to justify that I don't know shit. Well, fuck you, I DON'T KNOW SHIT. And, if you were to say this in class, the teacher would throw some bullshit response at you, saying something like "But how do you KNOW that you don't know shit? What ways of knowing can you apply to your statement?" This crock of shit class is such a complete waste of time, watching the high school musical series 100 consecutive times would probably be more productive.

The most powerful noted demon is Christine Riddle. It haunts students in their dreams scaring the reality of of their perception. It sounds like the teacher from jimmy neutron and i might kill myself. Please Help

an actual IB wizard

[edit] The Extended Essay

The extended essay is a 4000 word demonic piece of writing, requiring the students to bullshit about their chosen topic. If you don't do it, you automatically fail the IB diploma. If you don't get at least an Elementary grade, you automatically fail the diploma. And seeing as most examiners don't give a shit about your essay since they are paid by the number of essays read, all your work will actually go to waste. If you exceed the word count, the examiner will penalize you over 9000 points out of 36. If you are found to be copy-pasting from the Internet, or using sources without citing them, a special person appointed by the IBO will rape you while talking about academic misconduct.

[edit] IB's Six Core Curriculum

As a slave member of the IB lifestyle, there are six core topics from which you must study:

Group 1: First Language

Group 2: Second Language

Group 3: Individuals and Society

Group 4: Experimental Sciences

Group 5: Mathematics and Computer Sciences

Group 6: Optional Electives

The IB Hexagon was originally designed as a Pentagram, but even Satan's minions realized that the stupid people they were trying to sell this bullshit to might see through such blatant symbolism.

All of these are condemned to Hell by God and all the victims of the cruel, cruel Hobbits.

[edit] The EncIBclopaedia (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the IB)

The essential guide to the IB system and the students selling their souls to it

IB = International Baccalaureate (being able to spell that shows that you’re already suffering the consequences for too long), a worldwide, international education of the highest standards with emphasis on written work, tests, exams and assignments. Students are expected to take responsibility for their work (ever wondered why IB’s are the ones roaming around the halls when we should have class? So much for responsibility…).

CAS: Of course IB students should not spend all their time trying to catch up on their school work, or imagine if they had like (in a very low, whispering voice:) social life. No we have to earn points and catch up with all the stimulation neither our bodies nor our minds get from science books or history essays. At least 150 hours divided between Creativity (like graphing trigonometric graphs on our calculators), Activity/Action (such as spinning on the chairs in the Study Centre or carrying your back pack) and Service (e.g. knitting socks for the IB-coordinators. I never quite found out whether sexual services count but just remember it’s CAS not CASH, you are not allowed to receive money) should be achieved. Additionally for each activity formula sheets have to be completed stating why you did this, how it developed you as a person, how you can use what you’ve learned in future situations etc. etc. etc. and the activity leader has to sign and comment on your abilities.

ToK: = theory of knowledge. On top of the above, IB students have to be able to reflect on our chaotic universe and ponder over statements like “there is no such thing as nothing” or “all ethical statements are relative”. This is probably the quietest class where most students sit, watch the teacher and think “honey, drugs are not good for you!”

Grades: Yes dears, the scale goes from one to seven. There is nothing more frustrating than telling the world, with a big mad smile on your face that “I got a SEVEN!!!” and surrounding people looking as though somebody just dropped the day’s menu from the canteen on them. (A seven on the Danish scale is like a three in IB). All our big assignments and exams are graded by an examinator abroad, the outcome is very unpredictable. A popular theory on how it works runs along the lines of a very big casino where all the examinators get drunk and roll dices to grade the papers while betting money on the outcome.

Weird: Are IB students weird? Well we don’t all mud wrestle and most of actually speak Danish, but the fact that our work load is so big and we often are stressed and hyper might contribute to this impression. One of my friends said to me the other day “I’ve just been used to being considered a freak, but here I’ve just met so many others!” I think IBs bond on the basis that 1. They are all a bit outside the system and don’t belong anywhere and 2. Most people have moved around a lot and are very open and easy to talk to. Everybody’s just so different that you don’t really have to be afraid to be yourself. On the other hand I wish there was more communications between the two departments of the school, since we could probably learn a lot from each other.

Sleep: The many written assignments and own responsibility to find time to do these often leave IBs with a heavy lack of sleep. Can you actually take a nap while walking to your next class? Try to convince your chemistry teacher to help you synthesize a brew stronger than coffee. If you don’t succeed eating the beans will be more effective and less time consuming than taking time to make the coffee.

Social Life: Social life in IB is easy to avoid. Are you not careful, you will end up associating relationships with physics class (like MTV, mass, temperature and volume, right?) and fun with an acronym for a university entrance test. Socialising suddenly becomes very much connected to studying. But does that really matter if you know the derivative of your favourite animal and the vector defining your nose?

EE: Eating Ethiopians? Easter Economics? NO FOOL! THEY DON'T EXIST! It must be the Extended Essay. In the one summer holiday we have in the 2-year course IB is, we have to write an investigative essay in a self-chosen subject, defining the assignment ourselves. It can be compared to 3.G’s opgaven in Denmark. If it’s any comfort, your extended essay can be almost like a child. Grow pa- or maternal instincts. Give birth to it, nurture it, watch it grow and cry when you hand it in in October.

Self Pity: All formal recognition denied.

[edit] Extra Credit in the IB

The IB has recently assigned new extra-credit assignments. The following is a list of optional work, each worth an extra 1 (one) IB credit.

- Divide by zero.

- Revive the dodo bird (or dinosaurs).

- Lick your elbow.

- Find a university that actually respects the IB.

- Conquer the world, twice

- Do what Hitler could not do... live past age 57. Thought it was something else huh! Something relating to some certain ethnicities? You racist bastard!

- Make your own underwater city or find Atlantis it's up to you, choose ONE only. Or TWO.

- Build a time machine.

- Use said time machine to go back in time and prove the creation of life.

- Help the Toronto Maple Leafs win the cup.

- Give all your favorite teachers oral sex.

- (For guys) touch a girls breasts

- (For girls) talk about sex other than in Biology

- Befriend a successful caucasian IB graduate... good luck with that.

- Get a south-american-style tan. Studying, working or reading while doing so is forbidden.

- Massive Group Hug Mandatory

- Learn the last digit of Pi.

- Cure cancer....twice

[edit] You Know You're in I.B. When... (You Have a List This Long)

1. You work at least 18 hours a day and you actually start enjoying being a workaholic.
2. Getting high is the perfect complementary entheogen to TOK.
3. You just went and looked up Entheogen.
4. You start reading this list and don't stop.
5. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
6. You've filled a 7-11 big gulp cup with coffee and wished you could find a bigger cup.
7. You develop an irrational fear of the square root of three.
8. You giggle at that last one.
9. You pick at the grammar of everyone and everything. Chat-speak is not acceptable.
10. You get excited about a new show on the history channel.
11. When speaking with a non-I.B. kid, you must define nearly every word you use.
12. You found that probability quiz in Mathematics class the other day to be SO MUCH FUN!
13. You realized there was a grammar mistake in the above sentence.
14. If you didn't realize, you went back and looked.
15. When you realized an error in the first place, you went back to make sure you had found it and ended up finding another.
16. Every now and then when you open your mouth, queef comes out.
17. When you think school is where all of the cool kids hang out.
18. You are a member of any (or all) of the following: Mu Alpha Theta (ok), Science Honours Society (nice), Book Club (safe so far), National Honours Society (DAMN!!!!!!!), Spanish Honor Society (not even in Spain), etc.
19. You start taking desperate measures in an attempt to complete CAS such as: Chess Club or Creative Writing Club.
20. You have become immune to caffeine.
21. You are sleep deprived and therefore hallucinate periodically.
22. You realized there was a misspelled word above. (Not anymore, a fellow IB student who giggled at number 11 fixed it :P).
23. You become so good at copying some text alt-tabbing to a word document and pasting the text that you dont even notice when you do it.
24. As a result, no one wants to be your friend or best friend.
25. Well, that was a lie. That kid in regular classes wants to date you. You date them, then write a fifty page scientific report on that newly identified species of hominid. Then you realise that they were just really, really stupid.
26. Your idea of going out involves doing chairitable acts for your C.A.S. project.
27. You are now having a Grand Mal Seizure upon realising that I spelled "charitable" incorrectly.
28. You start meeting your classmates to do maths and physics in your free time.
29. Your idea of a good night out is the library and getting mashed is reading up about Alcohol in your IB Chemistry Course Companion.
30. You explain to each other how the world works by using your newly learnt physics. Such as the Force necessary to move a car is directly proportional to the acceleration the car would experience. You go on further explaining how a Force vs Acceleration diagram would yield a straight line graph of equation y=mx+b where the gradient, m, would be equal to the mass of the car.
31. You completely understood that.
32. When you finish a test and feel like you have been violated.
33. When you play the Wikipedia game during lessons.
34. Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you get some sleep.
35. You can achieve a Runner's High by sitting up.
36. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
37. The Sun is too loud. and Trees begin threatening you.
38. While writing a TOK paper, you begin to actually understand the material.
39. You explore the possibility of setting up an IV drip of espresso.
40. You wonder if brewing is an essential step in the consumption of coffee.
41. Things become "Very Clear".
42. You think that this number is the answer to everything, AND I MEAN EVERYTHING.
43. You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand.
44. You believe that if you think hard enough, you can levitate.
45. You heart beats in 7/8 time.
46. You and Reality file for divorce.
47. It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
48. You have great revelations concerning Life, the Universe, and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow fades, leaving you more confused than before.
49. Antacid tablets and No-Doze become your sole source of nutrition.
50. You eat breakfast in your first or second period class daily.
51. You discover the aesthetic beauty of school supplies.
52. You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row about it, lose, and refuse to talk to yourself for the rest of the day.
53. You yell: "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" even though you're the only person in the room.
54. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
55. You can spell "Baccalaureate".
56. "I.B., therefore I B.S."
57. "Huh?! IB has an honor code?!?!"
58. "Friends" and "fellow IBers" are interchangeable.
59. You go to bed at 3AM and think, "Oh, it's an early night!"
60. Your favorite saying is "If I get a hundred on every test for the rest of the year..."
61. Social life? What's that? Where can I download one of those?
62. LOL! "69" <--- You are definitely an IB student!
63. You've fooled yourself into believing that colleges actually care whether you're in IB or not.
64. You try to wake up fast enough to catch yourself sleeping - and succeed.
65. You talk to yourself in the 3rd person.
66. You write sentences on multiple choice tests.
67. It's okay to fail, so long as you are not alone.
68. You frequently catch yourself saying "What?? Me worry?? We had homework??"
69. You don't drink, but you find it a convenient way to explain how you dressed yourself in the morning.
70. You manage to complete a semester's worth of homework the day before the term ends.
71. You finish your extended essay shortly after midnight. Your smile of satisfaction fades when you remember to start on your World Lit. paper.
72. You've sold your soul…to a teacher…for a C…for the 9 weeks…
73. You cloned yourself so you could sell your clones' souls to other teachers for Cs for the 9 weeks again (hey, there may be a profit to be made in this...)
74. Desperate to fill up your CAS hours, you claim watching a black and white movie as "creativity" and walking your dog as "activity", and your teacher approves it.
75. You have a special "test writing sweater" that you wore to all the IB exams.
76. Your idea of impure thoughts is whether or not to copy math homework, and/or it is whether or not to insufficiently cite a source you barely used for a research paper.
77. You can count your last quiz grade on one hand.
78. You wonder if there's Cliff's Notes on the Calculus book.
79. You don't really cheat - you just tell people the answers.
80. Cheating became too difficult, so you took up telepathy.
81. You have a tab running at Books-A-Million.
82. Bn.com, amazon.com, and Books-A-Million offered to give you a free shipment/order each so you took full advantage of it and are now banned from those stores/sites (it took 6 semis to deliver the orders!)
83. You've consulted tarot cards for hints on a History test.
84. You have the library on speed dial.
85. You've framed the Honor Code.
86. You've developed an imprint of your book bag in your back.
87. Your best hope for most classes is either divine intervention or a strategically placed lightning bolt.
88. Your books weigh more than you do.
89. Your thesis for the Extended Essay is whether or not Bert and Ernie are gay.
90. Your alternate thesis for the Extended Essay is why IB jokes/checklists are so prolific and the amount of fact contained within them.
91. You plead insanity on a research paper.
92. Your plea is accepted by your teacher.
93. You have a Cliff's Notes Preferred Customer Credit Card.
94. You exceed the limit on said credit card--on only Cliff's Notes!
95. You do your essays on the plane ride to school.
96. You can lead your way through a frog's intestines with your eyes closed.
97. You forgot about that pesky Extended Essay thing until the night before it was due.
98. You have to stop twice and get gas to make it all the way to school.
99. You've been out various times looking for the Abridged Cliff's Notes.
100. You consider giving up going to the bathroom permanently to give you more time to study.
101. Your backpack is only comfortable when it weighs >30 pounds.
102. You have convinced your parents the "1" you received on your IB Physics exam was really the "top 1% of all IB students worldwide".
103. You skip breakfast so you can get to school early to get in some extra cramming time to gain that "upper edge" on the rest of the class.
104. Your home becomes a "home away from home".
105. You think the meaning of life is: G = -RTlnK.
106. Pressed for time, you conclude a history essay with, "And they lived happily ever after, Amen."
107. You get into a slugging match over priority for the library photocopier.
108. You copy old Theory of Knowledge essays so you can get an A in the Ethics unit.
109. You plagiarize from Cliff's Notes for the "What is Truth?" ToK paper.
110. You learn it's essential to learn to live with occasional failures.
111. "What is the Bronsted Lowry Theory again?"
112. Can we say EXTRA CREDIT??
113. You actually worry about the 105% you have in math.
114. You find that you overreact when you get 2 points marked off on your homework for drooling on it.
115. You find that you spend more time sleeping in class than at home.
116. You find that you spend more at school in general than at home.
117. You think you're a normal kid until suddenly you realise kids at other people sleep before midnight.
118. You get a job at Kinko's not for the paycheck, but because you're there 8 hours a day anyway!
119. You are 18 but can't drive.
120. You have 15 library cards each under a different alias.
121. Tests are no longer singular efforts!
122. The librarians know you so well that you don't even have to go to the front desk of the library to check the book out.
123. You've read most of the books in your library, and have a written report on over 3/4 of them!
124. You read all the books in the local public library, so you found a loophole that allowed you to check out books from the local university stacks.
125. Your list of excuses for not doing your homework is the length of Anna Karenina.
126. You have used nearly all of them. (But have just enough left to use as an Extended Essay.)
127. You exceed the 4200 word limit on the Extended Essay (by over 1000 words).
128. The simplest words you know are at least 10 letters long.
129. You ask what your summer reading assignment will be in October.
130. You come into school at 6:00am to do Biology and don't complain.
131. It takes more than one trip to carry the books you need between your car and your locker.
132. You carry around vocabulary flash cards to whip out in your free time.
133. You can list all 5 definitions on vocabulary tests.
134. The saying "When I graduate high school" has been replaced with "If I ever graduate."
135. Your teacher has had to ask a student in your class to "Put His Pants Back on"
136. You edit this page.
137. When you are home sick, you can't help but wonder what work you're missing and what your homework is.
138. When you're watching TV, you feel guilty because not all of your homework is done.
139. When you're on Uncyclopedia, you feel guilty because not all of your homework is done. _{No seriously, why are you still here?}
140. You find yourself spelling words out on scantrons. You are deeply saddened when you can only find one letter of "IB SUCKS!"
141. You went back and checked.
142. You show up 4 hours late to an IB test and still manage to get a "5".
143. During a Chemistry test, instead of doing the work, you write a random answer program in your TI-82 and get the highest score in the class.
144. You have an internet connection on your calculator.
145. You have a TI-200 on layaway.
146. Your idea of great art is simultaneously graphing the sine, cosine and tangent graphs on your calculator.
147. You have functioning electrical appliances in your locker.
148. You've memorized the cracks in the stucco on the wall behind your computer monitor.
149. You can type 70 words per minute -- on a TI-89.
150. You use the internet for research and not smut.
151. You have an autographed picture of Bill Gates or Steve Jobs in your bedroom.
152. Your TI-89 can now link with satellites so you can watch The Learning Channel at lunch.
153. You have more CD-ROMS than music CDs.
154. Your favorite TV program is Wild Discoveries on The Discovery Channel.
155. You have your TI-89 hooked up to your friends' so that you can "chat" during class.
156. OMG You get excited when you find out that your Handy Dandy TI Calculator can graph a line of best fit on graph
157. You use your "chat" program to tell each other the answers during a test, and your teacher congratulates you for #your "innovative thinking".
158. The only reason Texas Instruments hired you was because your bill was so large.
159. You became a hardware beta tester for TI.
160. You consult the RandInt( function on your TI-86 for answers on multiple-choice tests (including IB and AP exams).
161. You find the algorithm to correctly answer multiple choice tests without looking at them.
162. You brag about how large your computer is.
163. You're shunned if you don't have a computer with at least 25 gigs.
164. You debate whether or not you can send a fax collect.
165. Your favorites on the pull down menu of your internet browser include: Barlett's Familiar Quotations, The Electric Library, #The Discovery Channel online, The History Channel online, and the National Geographic homepage.
166. You consider your computer your best friend.
167. You see no point to programming in anything other than machine code and possibly assembly.
168. You write and run programs in your head while sleeping between classes and practicing chess moves on the tile floor en route.
169. You often wake up suddenly from this and start screaming out streams of ones and zeroes, then explain it away as either an assembly crash or an i/o error, as applicable.
170. You discuss the impossibility of the aliens' computers being Macintosh-compatible in Independence Day.
171. You wish you could interface with the computer-generated reality of the Matrix.
172. You envy the Borg, The Borg envy you, you will be assimilated.
173. You've gotten electronic copies of text books in TI-89 format.
174. Your TI-89 has made you stupid. You have made your TI-89 stupid.
175. Your multiple T3 lines were too slow for last minute searches for your term papers, so you got a couple of OC-20 lines.
176. You've replaced your Flintstones vitamins with speed.
177. Your bed hasn't been slept in since Bush was president.
178. You actually believe "mental health days" are excused absences.
179. Brewing coffee takes too long, so you just eat the beans.
180. You slip prozac into your Powerade or Dr. Pepper.
181. You're afraid of sunlight since you haven't seen it in 3 years.
182. You get Advil at cost.
183. You get a full upper body workout putting your backpack on.
184. You skip breakfast so you can get to school early to get in some extra cramming time and gain that "upper edge" on the rest of the class.
185. Breakfast?! What's that?
186. The bags under your eyes are heavier than the ones carrying your textbooks.
187. You always seem to have one continuous headache.
188. You haven't seen light in so long you glow in the dark.
189. You find yourself thinking "Without stress my life would be empty."
190. You don't carry lunch money - You carry Vivarin, Powerade, and Dr. Pepper money.
191. Your contacts are so thick that you have trouble closing your eyes.
192. You have a permanent caffeine-and-sleep-deprivation high.
193. You actually BUY caffeinated water.
194. You didn't know caffeinated water existed, but you just looked it up and ordered some online.
195. You can measure your daily caffeine consumption in gallons.
196. You can count the number of hours you sleep each week on one missing hand.
197. You've taught yourself how to take naps while walking to your next class.
198. When your teacher wakes you from sleep when nothing is going on in class, you are deprived of sleep.
199. You've used so much Vivarin, you learn to make it in Chemistry in order to save money.
200. You actually get used to waking up at 5:00 am (then decide to sleep some more anyway).
201. You hyperventilate every time you see a traditional student, praying that you'll never become like them.
202. You look forward to your in-school finals as a change of pace from your IB exams.
203. You actually put the apostrophe in front of the word "'cause."
204. The local media writes an article on your class and titles it "Brains R Us". (this really happened!)
205. You still get kicks saying "Your epidermis is showing."
206. When no one's looking, you exacerbate.
207. You think SEX is an acronym for a test you take after the SAT.
208. You think "getting high" is a reference to grades.
209. You think Saved By The Bell was a documentary.
210. The vampire rapist thought you were crazy.
211. Your idea of watching TV is the morning announcements.
212. You misread the Psychology exam and write an essay on "social sex".
213. You're one of the few people who realizes that Catcher in the Rye isn't about baseball.
214. You have taken in so much knowledge that you forget what the doorbell means.
215. You feel the need to literally analyse the character development, mood/tone, plot development, dialogue, and other literary aspects of an episode of Family Guy.
216. You wrote an essay on it and got a 7 for it.
217. You think MTV is a formula for mass, temperature and volume.
218. You're one of the few to know that the "perverted American Dream" isn't a porno.
219. Watching Beavis and Butthead requires WAY too much brain power.
220. You clean up your room and find a bed.
221. You wonder about things like what would happen if your car moved at the speed of light and your turned your lights on.
222. You have a bumper sticker that says "Proud to be a test tube baby."
223. "Burnout" isn't a strong enough word to describe you.
224. The word "ponder" sends you into spasms.
225. William Carlos Williams' poetry actually makes sense.
226. For those of you who took French A1, replace by G. Appollinaire
227. You gave up your search for a "nice university with a good curriculum" during your first week of 11th grade. You've now redefined your search to "a nice bell tower with a good mount for a sniper rifle". You stop going to volunteer work, but you unconsciously think you're still going.
228. Everything you know about sex, you learned from the English reading list.
229. You worry about hyphens.
230. The words: "Oh my God! There's a triad in this poem!"
231. You enjoy finding out the hard way why normal distribution should work.
232. It's the little things that confuse you.
233. You have the chemical formula and steps of synthesis for caffeine memorized.
234. You think that the game LIFE will really affect yours.
235. You still think Beavis and Butthead is a true-to-life TV show about "normal high school".
236. Alternatively, you realize Beavis and Butthead is actually Mike Judge's social commentary on the MTV generation's stupidity.
237. You find all the "glitches", "boo-boos", and other such small mistakes in movies.
238. You use your ToK background to analyze Winnie the Pooh's Book of Quotations.
239. When asked what significance Hitler had to Racial Social Darwinism, you say "Well, he didn't like Jews."
240. You look forward to hell week because you think hell would be an improvement on your current situation.
241. Free time?
242. You've mastered the art of procrastination so well that your research paper finishes printing just seconds before you have to leave for school.
243. You get to college and realize the classes you are taking seem really familiar.
244. Your college professors' grading systems seem a little too lenient.
245. You dread the word rubric.
246. Your brain is so overloaded that you forget the simplest things.
247. You managed to write 4,000 words on the subject "Hitler was a nice guy, wasn't he?" (sarcasm not included)
248. You've managed to get through an entire year of History of the Americas without reading one page of your test book.
249. You're not certain if you want to get laid, layed, or laid to rest.
250. When you go to the library, you see a least three or four of your classmates.
251. To celebrate finishing your IB exams you decide to be really wild and go for coffee.
252. You hold "parties" to study.
253. You look forward to your parties.
254. Your fellow IBers look forward to your parties, attend them, and do actual studying there.
255. You have parties in your school's physics lab, and you consider yourselves the "cool people".
256. You envy the unabomber's social life.
257. Your pick-up lines include compliments on the quality of her (his) epidermis and the wonderful shape of her (his) occipital plate.
258. You have an element named after you.
259. Four words: "Wanna play some chess?"
260. You decline the invitation displayed above, saying that you would better spend your time doing homework.
261. Your fellow IBers persuade you to play chess anyway, saying it aids CAS.
262. Your peers know more about you than you do.
263. You really wear those IB T-shirts.
264. You forget your brother's name because you haven't seen him in three years.
265. Wait...what brother?
266. Your last mate was a "checkmate".
267. Every year you nominate yourself for Homecoming Royalty and wonder why you never win.
268. "Anybody wanna play some cards?"
269. You show school spirit at the pep assemblies.
270. You are usually dressed more formal than your teachers.
271. When on vacation, you visit other schools.
272. You have races with your friends to see who can say the entire periodic table of elements the fastest.
273. You'd go into severe spasms if you ever lost your IB herd.
274. "There's a MALL in this town?!?!"
275. You are periodically annoyed when people confuse "allusion" and "illusion", and sometimes correct your teacher.
276. You see your Extended Essay advisor more than you see your parents.
277. You'd feel bad about not having a social life if only you could remember what it was like to have one.
278. You think "social life" refers to life in Soviet Bloc nations during the Cold War.
279. You talk in your sleep -- in Italian or some other language.
280. The only words you ever say in Spanish class are "No sé."
281. You are convinced that your "Baccalaureate Internationale professeur de français" thinks you're sexy.
282. Your "Baccalaureate Internationale professeur de français" DOES think you're sexy.
283. The only French you know is "J'aime manger du poisson." (le changed to du for proper grammar~)(grammer changed to grammar for proper spelling~)(changer changed to changed for proper wording)
284. You find all five errors so far in this section, unless at least one has been revised by one of you sneaky bastards.
285. You resort to communicating with classmates through a series of clicks because languages take too long.
286. You notice that there is a language consisting of clicks. You already know that it's called Xhosa. You just looked up Xhosa.
287. You love the "Macarena" not because it's a neat-o dance, but because you actually understand what those Spanish guys are saying.
288. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
289. You no longer speak English -- You speak a combination of English, German, Spanish, French, Portuguese, Swedish, Dutch, Chinese, Russian, Norwegian, Hebrew, Arabic, Japanese, Korean, and Polish.
290. Fellow IBers understand and use the same combined language.
291. You convert it to 36-bit words converted to hexadecimal numbers to communicate as it is faster.
292. You write a text-to-speech program that uses this hexadecimal linguistic conglomerate.
293. You modify your text-to-speech program so that it also works as speech-to-text, and is eerily accurate.
294. You go into your Spanish oral on the Cuban Revolution and, when asked for you sources, produce Cuban sandwiches and cry out, "Sources? What Sources? We don't need no stinkin' sources!" (actually happened!).
295. You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
296. You scoff at others’ lowly TI-83s while you caress your TI-92+ with pride.
297. You debate physics during lunch…and you usually win.
298. You know the chemical composition of the ugly brown stains on the ceiling tiles.
299. Your calculators and/or backpacks are an extension of your body.
300. You say, "I so accurately measured the momentum of my homework that it could be anywhere."
301. Your backpack has an imprint of your back in what little remains of the padding.
302. Your last backpack broke because it couldn't handle the weight and volume of your books and binders. Yes, binders.
303. The "padded" straps on your backpack are padded everywhere except where your collarbones go.
304. You've set an Apple II and your TI in a race to see which one could count to infinity the fastest.
305. You took out the cheesy infinity code and substituted a Pi-calculating code.
306. Your TI won.
307. Better yet, you won, because you can name Pi to several hundred digits more than they could.
308. No, you definitely won, because you caught an error in both of the final results.
309. The Apple II was wrong by a larger amount.
310. You added a second motorola 68000 chip to your TI-89/92+ and overclocked them both to 50 MHz, which required rewriting all of #the TIOS, but it was accomplished the entire task in 4 study breaks.
311. You were itching to capitalise "motorola".
312. You add support for RPN and multiple VGA monitors during the modifications.
313. Then you run your modified TI-89/92+ up against a 486DX4-100 linux box and you still win, with your TI coming in a far second.
314. You feel guilty if you go more than a week without homework or some form of schooling.
315. After getting a "B" on your Chemistry test, you decide to take out your anger on some TWA plane.
316. You're sad, because you can only take four HL tests.
317. You hack the school’s network and duplicate your records so that you can take another three HLs, then merge the records together after you take your senior IB exams.
318. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
319. You're so frustrated with IB that you sent package bombs to random people's houses and framed some Ted guy. (hey! I’m a Ted!)
320. You carry a protractor in your back pocket. (naah…that’s what cargo pockets are for besides calculators…)
321. You use a Casio instead of a TI
322. Chuck Norris feels inferior to your knowledge.
323. The Borg beg you to permit them to assimilate you.
324. You permit them to assimilate you, but only if you become part of Unimatrix Zero and the collective does not interfere with Unimatrix Zero ever again.
325. You see 01100010011011110110111101100010 and get horny.
326. You actually think you have a shot at passing the physics HL exam.
327. Your Theory of Knowledge class has you seriously thinking if Hitler was justified in killing those 6 million Jews.
328. You make a date to do homework together and you actually do.
329. You derive formulas for fun. From first principles.
330. The offer of bonus marks for acombed hair results in a dramatic improvement in your appearance.
331. You write your "What is Truth?" ToK paper entirely in Newspeak or Nadsat.
332. You knew what both Newspeak and Nadsat are, without following the above links.
333. You post said paper on your web server, which crashes two minutes later from the Slashdot Effect, even though you built it to withstand multiple Slashdottings at once.
334. you start walking in geometric circles
335. you start analyzing random books, song lyrics, and street signs
336. A good night's sleep is 5 hours
337. You have made up complicated metaphors relating your love life to a card game and have fun doing it
338. 16+2= ...wait let me get my graphing calculator!
339. The urge to shout "Sir, yes sir" overwhelms you and...you do it
340. The idea of "getting off on tangents" is hilariously funny
341. The word "switzerlish" makes more sense than "swiss"
342. The word "conspiricized" makes more sense that "conspired"... and then it takes you a couple of tries to get it right.
343. You correct your NIB friend when he says he's "factoring" his quadratic trinomial. Everyone knows the word is "factorising"!
344. You have the whole jargon file memorized, and cite it WAY too often.
345. When you find mistakes in the yearbook you have to write the correction in every yearbook.
346. You labor under the impression that index cards are "handy dandy nifty difty"
347. You get high off of intellectualism (credit Sheryl Crow...)
348. You logically investigate the mystical powers of the phrase "wouldn't it be funny if..."
349. You find deep meaning in the words to "I Wanna Be Sedated ".
350. You don't speak French, yet you compile a list of insults in French.
351. You come up with Latin names for Pokemon, and classify the words under actual Latin noun declensions.
352. When reading "Les Mis." in French you spend the entire class period figuring out how to say "is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" en Français
353. You spell "am" wrong.
354. You noticed that 21 and 109 are the same.
355. It takes you 3 days to get this joke: Q: You know what? A: No, introduce me.
356. You write stories and give them to other people to analyze for you because you don't understand them.
357. You wear a pair of antennae (deedleyboppers) on your head and think you're a water molecule.
358. That last sentence made you cringe, and you felt the urge to whip out a red pen until you realized those only work on papers and posters.
359. You get brownie points with your chemistry teacher for the above.
360. You forget the meaning of the words "free time" yet remember the meaning of "mantic" (n.)
361. You have complicated dreams about graphing circles and ellipses
362. You start a Scrabble Club. Wait...that's a bad thing?
363. Feudal War is the only card game worthy of IBers.
364. You walk in the movement patterns of a knight to improve your chess strategy while you nap on your way to your next class.
365. You have theological discussions at parties.
366. You have theoretical physics discussions at parties.
367. The number on your screen name corresponds to the page number that character you use for your screen name has an appearance in the book you got it from.
368. You understand above the first time you read it.
369. Whenever you're watching a movie you find all the motifs and themes... without trying.
370. You start to laugh hysterically when you're writing a bibliography because a book has TWO authors.
371. You find juxtaposition in places you shouldn't be looking for it.
372. You spend all your time complaining about your work, then do it hurriedly because you want to get to bed and don't know where all the time went
373. You brag that you only got 2 hours of sleep last night.
374. You have Amsco parties.
375. You write a two page answer to a one sentence question.
376. You look forward to arguing with anyone over anything.
377. You enjoy complaining and scaring underclassmen (yeah, and they gave us 500 pages of History, but I managed to do that even though my back is now permanently damaged by the weight of my backpack, and the track bugs almost got me so I was exhausted from running... etc.)
378. You weren't kidding.
379. You have no idea who the drug dealers are, or which students are probably concealing weapons.
380. You consider sweet tarts, chocolate, and caffeine drugs. (so actually, you DO know who the drug dealers are, in a way...)
381. You love telling your boyfriend/girlfriend the story your math teacher told you.
382. You give out fliers announcing that you're going to the movies.
383. Movies??? What are they???
384. When writing down decimals, you don't understand why you can't write them to the 14th decimal place.
385. You feel sorry for the chemicals in chemistry class.
386. Your math teacher is telling you a story and you say "that could never happen, the light bulb would burn out" and it MAKES SENSE.
387. This number means something: 42
388. You had sex with Stephen Hawking, meaning you combined your calculator's memory with his
389. Your brain is such a pile of mush that you carry around a teddy bear so you don't start shaking in the middle of class
390. You are already planning where your lockers will be next year.
391. At least 4 of your classes (history, english, ToK, psychology) are talking about almost the same thing, or at least you think they are ...it could be an illusion...maybe you're not in class at all...
392. 7 classes means seven classes.
393. The longest you can go without caffeine is less than 6 hours...okay, okay, less than 2 hours...an NIB, known as Issy, can also do this.
394. You faithfully copy words without vowels in them, yet somehow understand them.
395. You still don't have a schedule after a week of school.
396. Your teachers taunt each other and/or hit themselves on the head with markers or water bottles.
397. It's TWICE as amusing to have TWO of SOMETHING than one of it.
398. It's THREE times as amusing to have THREE of SOMETHING (julie...!)
399. The wall really IS there! (Mr. Baron PROVED it...CLUNK!)
400. Rolling down hills is an appropriate math project.
401. You start overanalyzing the rainbows on people's clothing.
402. You write a newsletter half in Latin.
403. Your Physics teacher knows how to say "outstanding" in over 30 languages, yet chooses "cool beans!"
404. You can actually apply physics to everyday life.
405. You need a graphing calculator to bake.
406. You're disappointed when you only get 100% on a test.
407. You're smarter than all your teachers...no, that just means you're in public school.
408. You relax vicariously through your non-IB friends (what non-IB friends???)
409. You forget to breathe or sleep.
410. You realize the IB drop outs are smarter than you are (they are???)
411. You utilize semi-advanced computer technology to make stupid web pages like this one!
412. Writing poetry is your idea of a good time.
413. You feel guilty after cheating in a test.
414. It takes too long so you write a program to generate intelligible haikus and win a programming challenge on dotcomma
415. You have a better love life on the computer than in real life (no, that just means you're more (technologically) intelligent than most people)
416. This number means something to you...something you haven't followed up on yet: 69
417. You write parodies of Faulkner's work for fun.
418. You attempt to do your extended essay on Dr. Seuss.
419. You translate a Dr. Seuss book, such as Green Eggs and Ham, into Latin, just for the hell of it.
420. Your idea of a 3am party game is analyzing the socio-political commentary in Dr. Seuss
421. You complain about studying for your foreign language exam...in multiple foreign languages.
422. You have a thought, and it hurts.
423. You have a hurt, and it thinks.
424. You have a fart and it stinks.
425. Your main addiction is to sleep...and you're always experiencing withdrawal.
426. You get angry at someone for being late so you can't copy their homework.
427. You get angry at your lab partner for forcing you to stay up late, waiting for his/her e-mail so you can finish Group 4.
428. Your backpack is heavier than you are.
429. You realize that something is missing when your backpack feels too light.
430. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
431. You complain that you can't store notes on your graphing calculator for the IB English exam.
432. You get a smug satisfaction out of f-f-f-finally remembering the word "fovea" (or f-f-f-forgetting "Fundamental Laws")
433. You use logic to justify the color of your nail polish.
434. You can't enjoy a heart-warming cartoon because the French grammar is wrong.
435. The most peer pressure you have recently experienced is someone trying to get you to eat potato chips.
436. You overanalyze They Might Be Giants songs.
437. Your favorite song is Barenaked Ladies’ "Who Needs Sleep" (or is it your anthem?)
438. Your project is still due in a few hours.
439. Your English essay was quickly done on the back of a cereal box during breakfast because you had no paper on the way to school to write on.
440. You had no time to finish your TOK paper during math class because the biology homework due yesterday took up all your time in English.
441. The numbers '24' up to and including '45' will never be the same again.
442. You know the difference between motive and motif.
443. You DON'T want to miss class.
444. You have a massive nervous breakdown, post seizure effects, and minor head trauma and you weren't even in school that day, nor did you skip.
445. You also think that you are completely okay after enduring said medical problems.
446. If you fall 2 weeks behind in the autumn, you'll be doing make-up work until the very end of the year.
447. You think getting a D means you passed.
448. Your locker is jammed and your backpack, when laid down, is half as tall as you, and there still isn't enough room!
449. You are more than used when your NIB friends make fun of you
450. your idea of a "girls' night out" is when you get together to review the Cold War.
451. You're actually jealous when NIB tell you they went to a concert, a party or a bar.
452. When you go out partying (IF you go) you can't stop thinking in all the biology lesson you have to memorize for your mock test
453. At said social event, you choose to write an extra-credit biology paper on the psychological effects of the drugs on your friends
454. You feel part of something when you read you're not the only stupid doing IB.
455. You get continuous nervous breakdowns.
456. You wanted to have more than 15 minutes for your English oral
457. You're already in bed (at 4am when you wake up at 6am) and you realise you left your computer on. You get out of bed to turn it off and to make sure you'll have a complete battery for the next day.
458. You can type 100 words per minute in a coma.
459. You don't even have to look at the letters while writing in your computer.
460. You enjoy your extra anthropology classes.
461. You really think someone cares whether alutiiqs or skolt lapps suffered a major culture change
462. You see your teachers more often than your parents.
463. You like to suffer, or shall I say, you love "challenges".
464. You fool yourself saying the "habits" IB taught you will accompany you in college.
465. You get high with an enormous quantity of coffee.
466. You know the difference between suppression, oppression and repression.
467. You actually look at this and memorize every word.
468. You think "NBA" is some sort of formula you have never seen before, so you actually find what N, B, and A equals.
469. You are reading this. Or reading it again.
470. You get a B in a class and consider yourself a failure
471. You believe death IS freedom and at the same time is slavery.
472. You understand the above sentence.
473. You can figure out what frscrndsvnyrsg actually says and means (Yes it is a phrase with now vowels and it does mean something)
474. You have thought about making a Tshirt that says:" You Know You're In IB WHEN..." and on the back there would be things from this list.
475. You made a list of your own to put on the back of the Tshirt but then you lost it in a fight with your homework.
476. You this read have and compelled this to fix felt.
477. You actually read this whole list.
478. You actually read this whole page.
479. You look at poo and tried to falsify it by eating it
480. You talk dirty to your girl/boyfriend using lab terms in the passive voice.
481. The sale of some of your art supplies is actually forbidden to minors.
482. You relate freedom with answering a question of Maths HL.
483. You find it disturbing to have free time, later realising you still have work to do.
484. You have seven windows of EE related research at the bottom of the page begging for attention, but instead you are reading this list for the sole reason that things just don't feel right if you dont wait until the last possible moment to complete them.
485. You can't ride your bike with no handlebars.
486. You don't get the above...
487. You can take apart the remote control AND put it back together.
488. You didnt get that one either...
489. yet, the double negative in the sentence two lines above this one bothers the fark out of you.
490. You enjoy fark.com.
491. You prefer to make programs in binary, because you dislike the "limitations" of high-level computer languages.
492. You laugh at someone trying to divide by zero.
493. You write the 500th item in this list.
494. You concur.
495. "Oh Canada" gets stuck in your head.
496. You begin to talk like an 18th century englishman.
497. You dream of Elizabeth Bennet and wake up with a wet spot on your bed near your pelvis
498. You start editing Uncyclopedia.
499. Y hv n prblm rdng Nglsh txt wtht ny vwls.
500. You actually know what the IM slang 'jfgi' means.
501. If not, you just looked it up, ironically using the same method that the phrase encourages.
502. You see the irony in that.
503. You see Detriot Edison's slogan 'E=DTE' and realize that D and T must be reciprocals of each other.
504. you think. Therefore you are.
505. You avidly play the game (and just lost)
506. You care that you just lost.
507. You hunt down the jerk responsible for #497 (and write the next thing on this list, DO IT NOW!)
508. You edit this because you said: "WHERE'S NUMBER 500?!"
509. You prefer to use windows instead of doors.
510. You lose the ability to spell any word before or when writing the conclusion of any project
511. When someone says "truth" you think of TOK.
512. You prefer to do homework in the school than at your place.
513. You compare colors to bitmap resolutions.
514. You were thinking of a perfect sentence to write in that list while you were reading it.
515. Murder is the new black.
516. You STILL don't know what a knowledge issue is.
517. You wish you'd started this list.
518. You're unable to reminisce upon the last occurrence of the infrequent phenomenon of bodily repose.
519. You commonly use the vocabulary in 510.
520. You are constantly jealous of people taking other subjects because you hate all your subjects.
521. You actually think that IB is greater than VCE.
522. You archived this section on three flash drives so you could restore it after some idiot deleted the article.
523. You completely forgot that you have to hand your TOK essay in tomorrow because you just spent an hour reading this list. (thanks a lot)
524. Your quite proud that you share your birthday with the IB.
525. You dont have the time or energy to drop out or kill yourself.
526. You think you choose the hardest TOK essay question.
527. You know the meaning of life (see above for details)
528. When playing pool you think about the kinetics of the pool balls and discuss them with your playing partner, who hasn’t got a clue what you are on about!
529. youre girlfriend uses words in a text message only the 1950's Oxford dictionary acknowledges.
530. You're at the carnival and while waiting in line you try to calculate the rate of acceleration of the roller coasters.
531. You have 2 labs due that are worth 50% of your IB science Portfolio and you're adding to this stupid list.
532. You contract an illness which overwrites any other illness so you are well enough to learn more, until the week before your exams then you immediately become ill for the whole period of your final exams.
533. You read this whole list, then sent it to all of your IB friends, who all told you that they had too much homework to read it. They then spent the next hour remarking to you periodically about how all of these were true, and which ones were the funniest. Then you added some of your own.
534. your desk, computer, higher level physics book, library, refrigerator and bed MUST be in hands reach.
535. You actually get more work done on the way to school than the whole 2 nights before.
536. You will read this list again.
537. You've finished reading this.
538. When asked why you're in IB, you have no clue why.
539. When I say "10011010 10010101 00101101?" and you reply "01011000 11010010 00101001."~
540. When you (and all your classmates) jack off to the number 7.~
541. If you read all of these, added your own, laughed at it, realized how pathetic it was, changed it, laughed again and added some ToK to it so it is logically sound (if that's possible.)
542. If you read this page and become entertained.
543. When you read this page, you think of how utterly depressing your life really is, then don't care because it just gave you a new idea for your TOK essay.
544. You are scared to death to even be one nanosecond late for any class. Therefore, you have plotted the fastest course between classes.
545. you use the words therefore and thus when speaking.
546. When you have school-assigned reading material stashed in the bathroom so that you won't waste any time.
547. You have to do the practice problems shown here, but for real http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Intelligent_Math
548. You reminisce about the days when you only had assignments due every second day.
549. You read your textbook cover to cover and realise you could probably add to it.
550. Are planning to come into school totally pissed on the last day, only to realise that you haven't been pissed for so long that you are physically incapable of doing so.
551. When playing with your graphing calculator replaces masturbation.
552. Your parents boast that their son/daughter is in IB but have no idea what it's about.
553. You know the codes to hack your TI calculator but you can't memorize your own phone number.
554. Every time you go to open you front door, you calculate how long it takes for all the tumblers to fall and then calculate how long it takes you to realize that you are talking to yourself with a key in your hand outside your front door.
555. You are constantly thinking, what if i failllllll!
556. You think IB is better than IBT.
557. You realize that the content of the Macarena song is NOT for children to learn from.
558. You fantasize about Oscar Wilde's Mom.
559. You spend most of your afternoon drowned in research for ToK, attempting to finish that Biology lab, and laying in your pool of drool only to realize it is 2 A.M. and you have ToK first thing in the morning.
560. You completely forget that ToK is a class, it is instead the way of LIFE!
561. Your TOK teacher doesn't show up half of the time, and shows up twenty minutes late when she shows up at all.
562. There’s an IB exam countdown on your friend's facebook page.
563. You are too tired to sleep.
564. You agree that there is no point in having privacy.
565. You speak Shakespearean fluently.
566. You read the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've read it before.
567. You finally noticed.
568. You went back and counted how many times you've seen it.
569. You think 4/20 must mean 1/5.
570. You invented a time machine only so you could either skip IB to see what a waste it was, travel back in time learn about WWI as it was happening, makeout with Kaiser Wilhelm II (man, he's hawwt!!), or to travel back in time to study more.
571. Your homepages include ibpapers.info ...
572. You don't count down for New Year's but for your Final Exams!
573. You speak languages that you don't know in your sleep, say Swedish, Japanese, Russian, Swahili...
574. You work on your Extended Essay on your birthday... and you enjoy it!
575. You are amused by the subtle jokes made by Flaubert in "Madame Bovary"
576. You can write a 100-paged economics SAQ in 20 minutes (and that is only one short-answer question!!)
577. You realize that democracy is a conspiracy.
578. You write a ToK paper on how democracy is a conspiracy.
579. You realize that the IBO is a conspiracy...
580. You can sympathize to Hitler's feelings in Mein Kampf and the Second Book.
581. You can see atoms zooming across the air during Chemistry class.
582. You think it's normal to have a female chemistry teacher with a mustache.
583. The question "Will you share a fetal pig with me?" is an actual question.
584. The answer is "Yes" to above.
585. You snort pepper at the back of the school library as a dare for $10 to pay for the IB fees as well as to feed your family for another night and post it on www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-x-8eRD-Ek
586. You want to kill all fucking grade 10's
587. You are a vegetarian and you ask the refectory lady whether asparagus is a meat or a vegetable.
588. You read the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've read it before.
589. CAS doesn't mean Children's Aid Society.
590. You have spent more time on Uncyclopedia than studying for your IB exams... which starts next week.
591. You're in the IB!!!! PHO SHIZZLE!!!!!
592. You climb the school's basketball fence to get locked into the courts, just so you can't get out.
593. You high five and fist bump for no particular reason.
594. you are involved in too many inside jokes.
595. If X is the level of stress then your stress level follows a distribution of X ~ Norm(9001,1)
596. You understood what a normal distribution is.
597. You have a level 80 Death Knight and/or Mage with dual spec.
598. You have panic attacks when your TI-83 says "Low Battery"
599. The Areas of Interaction poster is the only art you own.
600. Sports?
601. You know how to transfer games from TI-83's.
602. You just Google'd how to do so.
603. You actually use your planner.
604. You were offended by the slander of Gandalf's good name at the start of the page.
605. You actually read the terms of service when you install programs.
606. You know M.A.D. does not mean Mothers Against Drinking.
607. You've memorized the key combo to clear your calculators RAM.
608. You actually know that RAM isn't a truck.
609. You own a party cap on Runescape.
610. You know both Mythbuster's last names.
611. You heard about swine flu and prayed someone from your school caught it about a week before your exams.
612. Reading this list was the funnest thing you have done in History of the America's all year.
613. You can write an entire paper on the difference between analysis and conclusion.
614. You have actually done this.
615. The average amount of time it takes for the people in your math class to complete one problem is over ten minutes, not because the problem is too difficult for them, but because it is so %@*@$%^ long!
616. You never realize there are actually regular (non-IB) kids in your school.
617. You always find yourself being stupid for choosing IB, as IB is not a guarantee for university admission.
618. After hearing stories of other schools regular top kids get into some universities that you did not get accept using IB score, you are like what the hell.
619. In Mr. Peters Math HL class, you can always learn about decent swear words, like 'Up your ass-ymptote', 'Shut the function up', and 'shat attack' ( = diarrhea)
620. You just finished 1 or 2 weeks of exams, and you are 'chilling' right now read all these stuff.
621. After you found this website from the facebook group, and read through the above, you found this is fcuking amazing. And become addicted to it, and want to read more IB cool quotes.
622. You play multi-lingual telephone.(One person says a phrase in one language, the next person translates it into another language, etc. until the last person says it in their native tongue.)
623. You added this many fucking quotes to this damn "you know you're in IB" thing. And realize that you have no fucking life (Or, Do you have no fucking life?)!!!!!!!
624. You use nerdy pickup lines to help you pass tests. (I wish I was helicase so I could unzip your genes. If Thomas Jefferson had met you, he would have vetoed the Non-intercourse act.)
625. You feel guilty about going to prom because you have an exam the next Monday...
626. You take night classes at the local college, and love going to it because it's a nice, easy escape from your IB classes...
627. You hit on people using lines from Shakespearean tragedies (Let's go make the beast with two backs!)
628. You decide that if for whatever reason you're running late to your IB exams that you'll crash into the nearest tree or oncoming car just to have the chance of getting a makeup test.
629. You make up jokes and teachers tell you they sound nerdy.
630. You hate entropy because it's too random.
631. You find the above joke funny.
632. You have clocked Dino Puzzle, Block Dude, Puzzle Frenzy and Pegs on a TI-83+.
633. You Have Read This Damn Thing and YOU STILL CHOSE TO GET INTO THE DAMN "IB" PROGRAM.
634. ...And you thought Scientology was ridiculous.
635. You finished reading this list in less than 5 minutes.
636. You drew an organic molecule with a smiley face in it as a last effort to that crazy geometry question in the Math HL exam.
637. You giggled through the last fifteen minutes of said Math HL exam because at least 5% of your answers to that exam were composed of carbon.
638. Reading this, you exclaimed "Pff, more like 100% if you're writing in pencil!"
639. You have just remembered that you have 3 unfinished essays due tomorrow but you will only start on them when it's midnight
640. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
641. You actually like Emily Dickinson.
642. You know you can tell if a poem is by Emily Dickinson by singing it to the Gilligan's Island theme song.
643. Your friends' IB parties consist of roasting marshmallows and listening to Taylor Swift (LMAO richard that's so you XD)
644. You take HL French because "It sounds like fun."
645. You have invented your own French Verbs.
646. You look up what Ab Initio means.
647. You use the made-up verb "to Ab Initiate" so much that your French teacher actually uses it.
648. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
649. If you read this shit you're prepared for IB.
650. You count down the days until you get your scores.
651. Sometimes you forget to blink then realize it is because you have developed that habit to save time during tests.
652. You repeat Physics HL definitions by heart when in the gym- a failed attempt to copy soldiers marching songs.
653. After the first year you learn your previous study methods cannot be applied to IB.
654. Your teacher tells you that in order to get a 7 the subject must be your favorite one and you strongly agree.
655. You got your teachers private hotmail and their phone number on speed dial.
656. A tragedy at home is not an excuse to hand in the lab report one day too late.
657. Someone tells you that he/she does not care how you know you know.
658. "666" does not refer to the devil, but is the page in your textbook with the answers for the odd numbered questions.
659. You can't get your normal high school diploma because you didn't have enough room for electives in your timetable
660. You start to talk to yourself and make "that's what she said" jokes with yourself.
661. Your friends overhear you making "that's what she said" jokes and tell you that you can't do that with yourself, to which you promptly respond "that's what she said!"
662. You spend the amazing weekends at your desk and under a UV light.
663. You spend your spare time playing Wiki Golf
664. You say the square root of a negative numver number is imaginary. ToK questions how you can believe something is imaginary!
665. HEY! Didn't you forget? THE GAME!!!
666. You can recite the IB learner profile with your eyes closed.
667. You have been aught to compare the IB profile to everything.
668. "Today on blackboard" = "Today in HELL"
669. Not all IB people are wankers but all wankers are IB people
670. You touched yourself looking at the computer of Stephen Hawking
671. You have a strong pimp hand. eg Hazy(class pimp)
672. You think nuking is the solution to all histories problems. eg Nathan(class Hater)
673. Upon reading this article with a friend and or friends, it enticed several arguements which turned into the one meaningful TOK class all year.
674. You go through a door and get stuck. You forgot you had your backpack on.
675. Before reading this section, you scrolled down to the bottom to see how many items there were. You noticed there were 666. You laughed.
676. You take Facebook typing speed tests (while you should be doing work, of course) and your results are off the charts.
677. Your class is under lockdown 15 minutes before a lockdown is even announced(thats how prepared IB students are...)
678. In your Math class, when people say "mother function" you laugh.
679. You say the word "fail" at least twice a day, especially to those who get 100% or less.
680. You use a graphing calculator to cut out letters.
681. You write essays....in ART!!!!
682. You find yourself unable to enjoy your graduation because you’re too busy studying for a final exam the next day.
683. You find the idea of working pop culture references into your essays to be wholeheartedly rewarding.
684. You brag about said references the next day of school.
685. Your hand gets cramped after a few hours alone. Not from masturbation, but from working ahead in your textbook.
686. You develop an irrational hatred for people who are motivated, and thus succeed in IB.
687. You have reminded a teacher to collect the class' homework immediately before the bell ends; thus, ironically enough, making yourself look like a total bell-end.
688. You forget how to write in the first person.
689. You wonder if there are actually over 680 points, and decide to count them yourself.
690. You started this section of the article.
691. You and your friend get in to a conversation about how time does not exist. Then you discuss about how daylight savings begins on three the next morning and that if it actually happened at midnight and if time actually did exist, then we would be stuck in a continuous loop of the creation of the world for eternity. You then begin to discuss how eventually the world will be destroyed an that everything that man has created will be as if it did not exist because time does not exist and there is no record of anything we ever did except for the last transmissions we send out into space before you die. You then discuss that they just continue to bounce around space because there is no other life in space besides us and that if there is that not only will they not be able to understand the transmissions, but by then millions of years will have gone by and it won't matter anyways. All the while you and your friend should be practicing for choir which seems to be our last grip on reality and we just lost it. We then realize we are now officially slaves to IB and you enjoy it.
692. You realize there is a grammar and a spelling mistake.
693. You went back, tried to find them and fixed it.
694. If when you fixed those mistakes you added something yourself.
695. Since by now you have probably forgotten, THE GAME!!!!!!
696. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
697. You've seriously considered changing your sleep schedule so you could get up and start homework at 12AM. Then you realized that wouldn't give you enough time.
698. You know what OTTFFSSENT means (its true)
699. You looked it up
700. you feel the urge to fix the grammer problem in the 2nd sentance above this one
701. If you didn't see it you looked again
702. You find yourself repeating the same sentence over and over again without realizing it.
703. You no longer apply to universities you actually want to go to. . but instead find ones with the lowest points offer so you think you stand some slight chance of getting in somewhere
704. Your idea of a wild night is doing a Chem lab with Ethanol.
705. You begin to wonder if your life is just a game that is run by some evil little kid who just wants to watch the world burn.
706. You talk to your friends from your home schools and find yourself feeling very intelligent just from standing in the room with them for several seconds.
707. You get into the mmost random conversations abour the universe and philosophy and actual find yourself to understand them.
708. You know what PNEUMONO­ULTRA­MICRO­SCOPIC­SILICO­VOLCANO­CONIOSIS means.
709. If not, you looked it up.
710. While looking it up you realized that it is one of the world's longest words.
711. You check this list every day and/or add things to this list on a daily basis.
712. You use phrases like "and/or".
713. You realize I am right.
714. You think that your life is completely useless and you might as well end it now.
715. If you weren't thinking about it before, you begin to consider it and then you realize that your teachers would still find a way to give you homework and make your afterlife HELL.
716. You say "That's what she said" or make references to "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" whenever possible.
717. You laughed at that last one because you realized its true.
718. You think that it would be awesome to commit suicide by jumping from the tallest building you can find, fall trhough a ring of fire, land in a vat of liquid nitrogen, and have the crowd pull you out and smash you to peices with hammers.
719. 4 (if you know how to count in binary on your hands, then you will understand).
720. You believe that extra credit will actually raise your grade.
721. Your devastated that you don't have more than 100% in every class.
722. You and your girlfriend/boyfriend get into a competition about who has a higher GPA.
723. You use a metaphoric silent auction paddle to express that's what she said.
724. You spend your free time doing American Lit and AMerican Studies homework [completely ironic I know (but this is assuming that time actually exists)].
725. You think that the world is going to end whenever you don't have homework.
726. You start to make up 'science' jokes in class...and no one laughs at them
727. You realize you have a science test tomorrow but you left you science txtbook in your locker. You suddenly have the urge to cry
728. As a result, you make your friend scan the entire chapter for you so you can study
729. Your friend is too busy to scan because he/she needs that time to study for the science test.
730. You feel the urge to capitalize the first letter with every new sentence.
731. After reading this list, you also feel the urge to add to the list.
732. Academic students strive to get over 90%, but you just want to get a score of 45.
733. You just agreed.
734. You speak at least 2 languages (one's English, but you speak the other subconsciously).
735. You find yourself saying things such as "screwez-vous".
736. You find yourself depressed when you hear you're missing math class due to a field trip.
737. You know the ultimate question is: To sleep or not to sleep?
738. . . . Being the hardcore Intellectually Brilliant (yeah right) students that you are, you fantasize about the perfect world: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsRHhDFYy_0
739. You find yourself typing "IB" as keywords in Youtube everyday.
740. Your eyes SHINE whenever someone says you can get CAS hours. You might even shave your head if you can get CAS hours.
741. When you actaully read all of these things on this list
742. When you talk to yourslef, you hear a third voice.
743. So there I was...
744. Your math teacher has had an argument with his mother-in-law regarding the correct percentage to tip a server and is still bitter about it.
745. You feel bad about receiving an 89 in a class, and by feeling bad I mean you literally hit your teacher.
746. You schedule absences around due dates.
747. Your teachers refer to these days as IB Flu Days and assume something is due in another class when large quantities of students are not present.
748. you literally break the honor code... like yuo break the frame it is in by hitting it with your backpack (jann)
749. When you try to crack the password to jannervision in order to get even more videos
750. When you figure out how to Hack Edline out of despertation to raise your 99 to 100.
751. When you realize Edline is the cause of the 75% increase in Child Abuse.
752. When you know how to say fuck hello in 12 different languages
753. When you came back to this page to reedit your previous point
754. When you repeat what the teacher says outside of class
755. When you make a joke that only IB students know
756. You add 10 ways of knowing to the TOK diagram, and all of them are legitimate.
757. You made it to the end of this list
758. When you realize that this in fact is not the end of the list but the start for even more "When you....." statements.
759. You know that HL is actually an abreviation for hell and not higher level.
760. You know every kind of question that it will take your science teacher the whole rest of the class time to answer to it、so that you can finish your history homework.
761. You cry when you dont have ToK class、but not because you like it or understand it、but because its the only class you dont need to think、and the only answer you give to the teacher is:'hum...interesting question.but how do i know if i actualy know it?'
762. You nodded in the last one、and you are thinking to write:'You always know the answer to the ToK teacher、since you dont know anything anyway.'
763. You get depressed and dont even have the strengh to NOT do your homework (cmon、you and i know that it takes lots and lots of strengh to do so)because everytime you go to a ToK class the teacher asks you if you really know if you know that you know what you know and learned in class.
764. Every answer you give in ToK class is wrong
765. You are scared of field trips because the accumulation of hmk is too much even for YOU to handle
766. When given a foreign language essay, you find yourself on google translator for the rest of the day.
767. Only to laugh at the incorrect grammar mistakes and correct them with profound feeling of satisfaction afterwards.
768. However, to make sure you're right you input your correct essay back into five other translators.
769. When blowing out the candles of your birthday cake, you wish for time.
770. When you find yourself with a bunch of friends working together to come up with more to add to this list.
771. After coming up with another point to add to this list you feel satisfied.
772. You answer every question with "too much work".
773. You search for days to find a past paper instead actually studying for it.
774. Your facebook contains any connotations of death.
775. Instead of bringing books to class you only bring your laptop.
776. You regret sleeping.
777. You use a suitcase as a backpack.
778. Everything No longer exsists
779. You spend more time bitching to other ib students about the extended essay than actually writing it.
780. You get a 20/20 on your TOK presentation and you still think you could have done better.
781. You realised after reading point 65 that there were a lot more points so you either started to pick out random points to read or skipped straight to the last point to see if it was another clever one that predicts what you did.
782. You correct people's math when walking down the street
783. You defeated the answer key in a class
784. Your power level has been confirmed by your classmates to be over 9000
785. If you didn't know what the last one meant you looked it up
786. You have actually gotten a cold because of the stress/lack of sleep casued by IB. And you googled it to make sure that is possible.
787. Your sister, who is also in IB, calls you while you are on a field trip and asks you for help on her math homework. Your phone dies so you get one of her friends who is on the trip with you to lend you their phone while asking the smartest person on the bus how to do the problem that you wrote down.
788. You read this list with a friend. You read it from the bottom up and your friend from the top down just to see who can read faster.
789. You fixed your math teachers math.
790. You make people LOSE THE GAME (haha) by looking at them
791. You have had over 105% in math class.
792. AEA's give you nightmares.
793. You and your friends have a total of 15 sleeping hours... THIS YEAR.
794. You spend your whole foreign language class looking up swear/sexual words in your (class required) dictionary
795. Missing periods in this list bug you.
796. You write one and a half pages on a question thats worth 2 points.
797. Over 15 million trees have died for you to hand in assignments.
798. You notice physics errors in Star Trek
799. You use 'IB' as a verb.
800. You know knowledge.
801. You enjoy looking up IB jokes.
802. Your favourite video on Youtube is 'Hitler Takes Math HL Test'.
803. You actually search Youtube for the video.
804. This you go through the above statements and think the following:
     1. You believe you're an IB student.
     2. You realize that you have applied inductive reasoning (by going through this list) to justify your belief that you are an IB student.
     3. The proposition that you are an IB student is true.
     4. Therefore, as it is justified true belief, it is knowledge, hence you know you're an IB student.
805. You don't have time to read 804 reasons, so after a few, you skipped all the way to the end.
806. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
807. You have a countdown until graduation...and you check it every five minutes
808. You can use physics principles to answer a question from your social homework.

[edit] Links to Help Concentration and Prevent Procrastination

• The Student Room
• IBscrewed
• IBsurvival
• IBquotes
• Subterranean IB Blues
• Truth About IB