Hypnotism
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“Man, we're talkin' 'bout hypnotism. I mean, hypnotism, man...not the game, not the game, but hypnotism. C'mon, we're talkin' 'bout hypnotism, man.”
Hypnotism is a mind control device used mainly by Jesuits and Catholic Psychologists for the purpose of forcing innocent church-going Republicans to do their bidding. It has been used for thousands of years to destroy different means of society all over Earth, as well as on Mars.
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[edit] A Brief History of Hypnotism
Hypnotism disappeared for many years before the biblical Deluge, but was rediscovered as by a German Jesuit the 1800's and it used on Darwin. Hypnotism became more popular in psychology in the late 1930's when the Jesuits (and some Jews) of Germany hypnotized Adolph Hitler into killing six million of their people, as well as the gay and handicapped, who had been plotting to take over Germany for years.
[edit] Methods of Hypnotism
- The Watch Method-This method of hypnotism consists of taking a pocketwatch, (usually gold or silver plated, because the Jews love precious metals) and strangling the subject until they do what you say.
- The Spook Method-This consists of putting on a ghost mask and a sheet, and jumping out of a closet at the victim until they do what you say.
- The Ball-Shake Method-Recently popularised on Youtube. First, offer your hand for a handshake, and as they accept, take their hand with your left hand, and place the subject's hand on the crotch area. The resulting shake will cause instant suggestibility, as well as some perplexed looks.
[edit] Examples of Hypnotic Suggestions
There are an endless number of ideas for hypnotic suggestions, which can persuade your subjects to do anything within reason. An example of these follow:
When I say the word "milk", you will think you are a cow, and need milking.
When I say the word "pirate", you will think your DVD collection is a frisbee set, and you'll want to throw them out of the window.
When I say the word "mummy", you will grab some toilet tissue, wrap it around yourself, then go outside and scare next door neighbor's cat.
When I say "bananas", you will think you are a space monkey with a penchant for fruit, and you'll insist that you be taken to the king of the potato people for further instructions.
When I say "orange cheese", you will go outside, take a taxi to your nearest train station, travel to the airport, take a plane to Paris, buy some orange cheese, and travel back, along with some crispy fries and some Pringles.
When I say "peace", you will feel an overwhelming urge to win the nobel peace prize, with the assistance of the lab bunnies, who were liberated from their lab experiments by the Mongolian Samuarai Squad, to create a giant robonaut woman, with breast extensions, and have her mass produced, so that all the men on the planet will no loger feel the need to fight wars, as they will be too distracted. When they are produced, you will give me a share of the profits, as well as a bunny and a couple of robonaut women, who will be called Betty and Clarissa.
When i say the word "chicken", you will run into the middle of public and dance like a chicken
These suggestions should be used carefully, or they will drive your mummy bananas. These are first pirate scripts, and will definitely give you a peace of the action. Milk
[edit] How Hypnotism Works
Hypnosis works as follows. You use one of the methods described above. Your eyes start to look funky and you loose focus. Next, your gallbladder will start producing a hormone, the so called hypnormone. This lets your thumb know it can start making waving moves. This in turn will create a baboon in your brain which makes you do things the hypnotist say.
[edit] Common Users of Hypnosis
It's been said by many wise men that while drugs are for losers, hypnosis is for losers with big, weird eyebrows.
