Hunnel

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Satan-job

Our smiling and efficient Hellocrats will welcome you on a safe and clean journey. Remember: Process is important!

The Hunnel (French: le tunnel sous le monde) allows quicker access to Hell than previously available. One can visit Hell and pick out future residency without first dying. It also allows people to dig their way into Hell before being forced into it.

The Hunnel was funded by the European Union. Construction and excavation began in 2004. The first tunnel was completed in August 2005 and the second should be completed by 2007.

edit The Train To Hell

The Eurocharon train service connects London (Waterloo Station) with Limbo (Gare du Whatevah) and Hell (Gare du Hades). Trains cross the barrier between this world and the next via the Hunnel. The Limbo and Hell sections of the route use the same high-speed soul funnels as the Fast Train To Hell and the Road To Hell.

A new service will commence from St. Pancras station in 2007, using the new Styx Tunnel Rail Link.

Passengers are reminded to put their tickets under their tongue for the convenience of the ticket collector.

edit Cost

The Hunnel cost slightly over 2.2 billion euros. It is known to have numerous leaks, causing spillage of souls into places such as purgatory and Hades. The Hunnel was financed by a unique bond program in which people offered the souls as collateral against a high-interest short term loan.

edit The Hunnel in popular culture

  • Lost: the Hunnel is hinted to coincide with the third bunker.
  • The Simpsons: Homer accidentally takes the Hunnel during a family getaway to France. He ends up in Hell. In a brief moment of clarity, he notes the Hunnel starts somewhere near "Stupid Flanders."
  • Mission Impossible: the last half hour of this abysmal movie takes place in a tunnel going to Hell, but this predates the modern Hunnel and was done with CG effects.
  • Police Academy: the entire Police Academy series is believed to have inspired the desire to build a tunnel to Hell, where the original canisters of the film can be ritually buried.
  • Bible: many scholars believe the Book of Revelations is largely about being stuck in traffic in the Hunnel at 5pm on a Friday.
  • Highway to Hell: the song by AC(thunderbolt)DC seemed to have been written about the Hunnel, although this was disproven later, when the drummer for the band at the time, Steve Nash, claimed that "writing a song about the Hunnel is obviously going to be as popular as "Stairway to Heaven", which everybody knows is nine minutes too long.
Hell

You will always remember our remarkable chocolate. And the beer is very strong! And strawberry-flavoured!

edit The living end

For some reason, Hell bears a remarkable resemblance to Brussels.

edit See also

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