Human rights

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 06:33, June 7, 2012 by 68.47.32.21 (talk)

Jump to: navigation, search
“What about the right humans?”
~ Oscar Wilde on human rights

Human rights are a set of acts created by Western bureaucracy to protect terrorists [1]

Definition

Bouncywikilogo9
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Human rights.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

Human rights state that you can do anything you want as long as you don't physically harm others human. A notoriously Communist booklet known as the Bible sums this principle up as "Thou shall love thy brethren as thyself" meaning that we should abstain from doing to others what we would not love ourselves. This means that it is totally o.k. to torture and kill animal for fun. In fact, torturing of animal is affirmation of your human right. So do it often. If you can, do it every days. Moreover, racism or sexism is totally kosher as long as it does not manifeste in physical violence. If black, chinese, chicks or annoying kids want something from you, exercise your freedom of your speech to your fullest extent. It is your liberty to be an arsehole. That is what human right are all about. Moreover, if you fantacise about molesting underage boy or girl, make sure you do it with cartoon porn. Human rights protect and promote everyone's right to be a disgusting pervert and degenerate - or to yell at people because you think they are, and you think everyone should abide by your moral stances (human rights allow intolerance, as long as no one gets hurt). If anyone commits a crime against humanity by violating your right, it is your right and duty to retaliate. You must declare war, "invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." as good Anne says. Also getting naked in church is good example.

A human has the right to drink beer and bear piss at any place and any time of his or her will. Human must not be denied of a chance to fart and urinate on other peoples' heads. Humans don't have to fall down staircases when being arrested. Zombies dont have rights in the US, however some feminist groups dispute this claim as they to are undead ,unholy abominations sent to us by Satan.

Known Human Rights (All of these are not applicable to African Americans or Women)

  1. You have the right to not be killed. Murder is a crime - unless it was done by a policeman or an aristocrat. If you happen to be working, and your arm gets crushed, causing a fatal aneurism, then it's not your boss's fault, or the maintenence guy's, but your own stupid fault for not looking where you were going before you walked under the giant falling steel girder,idiot.
  2. You have the right to food money. That is, if you don't mind a little investigation, humiliation and (cross your fingers) rehabilitation.
  3. You have the right to free speech. As long as you're not dumb enough to actually try it.
  4. You have the right to remain silent (but they can still convict you if you use it).
  5. You have the right to shoot 12 year olds invading the internet. But they will attack you with the power of 1337 and h4xx0r your computer.
  6. It has been suggested in some quarters that this is not enough! If you are ever read your rights by a policeman, you are probably going to be murdered.

Cause

Historians still debate about who is the moron responsible for all the mess human rights have caused. Some say it was Himmler, some say it was Walt Disney. But only one thing is known for sure - human rights are bad.

Human rights have sub-divided even further into other specific branches of rights. For example, now many people also believe in woman's rights as well. Which is tragic, as left-handed women feel marginalised by this trend.

Conspiracy

It is widely believed that there is some terrorist group which tries to put into practice Human rights around the world. That group is known as politicians. They are some kind of mutant pseudohumans who try to spread around the world. Somehow they relate those so-called "Human rights" with right to dominate over the world. It is believed that Human right can be given to somebody using standard gene transmission practices. There are several facts which clearly prove this:

  1. All the so-called Human right protectors are politicians
  2. All the politicians have some genetics disease which damages their brain
  3. Politics is some blood-suckering syndrome
  4. All the politicians are relatives of the each other
  5. It is widelly known that even a some country exists where politics genes are spread legally
  6. There are discovered several political works by George W. Bush, Zemaite, Adolf Hitler proving this.

So, it is clear that some secret organisation of Human rights spreaders exists. And those Human rights are spread using sex or, sometimes, cloning. Or, sometimes, bombing.

Catastrophes

Human rights have caused several wars:

And many economical and political cataclysms:

Let's keep it simple - human rights have and will cause enormous amount of pain and suffering.

The formula

  • a - U.S.A.
  • b - Economical problems
  • c - Any country with worthy resources
  • d - American bombs times 2, plus everyone else's bombs divided by eleventy-billion
  • H - Human rights

a+b=c^H=c+d

Recommendaton

Never ever go to a country abouth which you have heard something like this: "Hey, i heard in the news that [insert country here] has problems with human rights". If you do go there, most likely, you will be killed.

Refer to what Oscar Wilde said about Jesus H Christ. Hello

Notes

  1. See Human wrongs, for further detail on this subject.
Personal tools
In other languages
projects