From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Hughston Parle is a notable chess player of modern times, from Australia. He grew up in the modern age and speaks modern English. However, not everything about him is modern. His first chess game was in ancient times, his children will most probably grow up in ancient times and he himself may be considered modern.
Hughston Parle is currently alive, but the way things are going, he may end up dead by the end of the year. For example, just the other day he nearly got run over by a bus that somebody was driving. His house caught fire two days later, and he nearly died while trying to finish off his online chess game. Afterwards, when his Wi-Fi broke in the middle of his chess game he nearly committed suicide. Hughston Parle does not enjoy chess that much though. A major mistake he made early in his childhood was that he sold all of his IQ points. Since then, he has been trying to rebuy them.
Just recently Hughston had tried to cross a road when a car came towards him at high speed. Thinking that he was about to die, he threw his bag out of way of the incoming car so that his laptop wouldn't get damaged. Luckily for him the car managed to stop just before it hit him. Ironically his laptop broke when the bag hit the ground really hard.
edit Early Life
Hughston Parle's early life mostly consists of being born and growing up. Hughston Parle was born on the 3rd of October, not in the twenty first century. Famous examples of stuff that is not in the twenty first century include the Mona Lisa and The Leaning Tower of Pisa. However, an example of something that is in the twenty first century is chess. Actually it was around before the twentieth century as well.
edit Later Life
Hughston's later life consists of going to primary school, learning how to play chess, graduating from primary school, playing chess, going to middle school, studying chess and failing school because all he knew was chess. Chess may seem like a minor distraction to his academic studies, but a larger distraction was checkers. However he soon got over his obsessions with both of these games and became a top student, studying at several minor institutes before he went back to playing chess and studying chess. He has also studied chess in several major institutes.
Towards the end of his student life Hughston applied to get a job. However his lack of coordination coupled with his inefficient calculational skills meant that he couldn't keep up with the tactics required for the job. He was fired within two days so he took on chess to try to improve his calculation and his coordination. Obviously this idea did not succeed properly and he was fired again before he even tried to apply for another job.
edit Chess Life
Hughston Parle is quite good at chess. In fact, his chess rating (that is a rating that you get for chess - the higher it is, the better) was nearly 900 the last time I checked. By now his rating is expected to have peaked at about 800. A notable game of his is when he played somebody. In this game he won. Other successes include his game against somebody else, where he lost and a tournament with seventy two entries, of which he came in the top seventy - a rather rare and remarkable achievement for him. His most dangerous weakness is the fact that he consistently confuses chess with capture the flag, and tries to get his king to the other end of the board and back. Another major error is his inability to grasp numbers, and although the queen is worth nine pawns, he continues to exchange it for one.
Hughston Parle has managed a little in his lifetime. For example, he has argued that if the sun went around earth, then by Einsteinian physics and magic the earth would eventually go around the moon, a rather blatant contradiction to what most of the world's top scientists say is actually happening. Therefore according to Parle, the earth goes around the sun. This may seem like a rather long way to prove this fact but is actually the shortest known method to Hughstonkind.
edit Lesser achievements
Hughston Parle has managed to break the world record for lowest rated chess player. He has also eaten food before. The world record for the most dangerous chess-induced situation was broken by him, and he has made several other lesser achievements which are so small that they will be discussed in the next section.
edit Even lesser achievements
Hughston was the first self-made billionaire. He runs Australia from behind the scenes, and has played chess at various times during his life. However, his most notable lesser achievement is probably the fact that he actually created the universe.
edit Sarcasm Streak
Basically Hughston is really sarcastic. A really good example of this is back in the day when he was attacked by people smugglers and was kidnapped. They handcuffed him but did not gag him, so when they dragged him out of the car he remarked sarcastically, "You guys are nice people". They said, "shut up", to which he replied,"yeah yeah yeah" (sarcastically). He was so sarcastic that eventually they took the car to the shops to buy a gag. When they walked into the shop, the shopkeeper thought that a gag was quite suspicious but didn't say anything. However when Hughston was pushed in the conversation went something like:
"Hello, young man. Would you like anything?"
"No, I've come into your shop to say hi" (sarcasm)
"Oh - so what would you like?"
"Maybe I would like you to take these handcuffs off for me." (sarcasm)
By this point the shopkeeper was quite suspicious.
"Sorry, you'll have to go buy the tools to remove those handcuffs"
"Yeah, cos I thought you could just do it with your bare hands" (more sarcasm)
The conversation continued for about ten minutes until the shopkeeper decided he was being harassed and called the police. At that point the smugglers had left so Hughston was given 2 years for harassment of a shopkeeper. However his jailguard let him out after 24hours due to the amount of sarcasm used against him.