Hubble Space Telescope

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Hubble 01

The largest phallic object currently in orbit.

The Hubble Space Telescope (not to be confused with the Hot Tub Time Machine) , is a huge, and I mean huge, space telescope currently operated by NASA. We can thank our wonderful scientists at NASA for some of the most iconic images ever produced. Your stupid 4" refractor and Meade DSI II just can't compare. It is named in honour of Edwin Hubble who was the first astronomer to discover that our Galaxy is just one of billions of other star systems existing in the futility of deep space.

edit History

edit Early

The Hubble Telescope was originally theorized by Lyman Spitzer in 1946 when a cloud covered the small community of Astronomy Land. Mass panic ensued as not a star, terrestrial planet, Jovian planet, comet, asteroid, meteor, planetary nebula, reflection nebula, emission nebula, spiral galaxy, irregular galaxy, barred spiral galaxy, elliptical galaxy, globular cluster, open cluster, molecular cloud, quasar, cosmic string, Google, Youtube, 4chan, or any other astronomical object was visible. The entire town was destroyed by rioting. 23 lives were claimed. This led to the idea of building a telescope above the clouds, so that the wonders of the universe can easily be seen without needing patience.

Eagle nebula pillars

They call that an iconic image? Looks better through my 10" dob.

edit Funding

Most people believed Lime Spritzer was crazy after he presented his idea. There was no way to build an observatory so tall that it would be above the clouds. Even if there were a way to build such a large structure, nobody wants to climb 126,368,543 flights of stairs to work at an observatory. This, and the fact that the Ritchey-Chrétien telescope had not yet been invented.

edit Construction

Tall observatory

The space telescope has changed much since Schnitzel's original design.

Serious funding and construction never began until long after the telescope was first conceived. It was regarded as a 'tack-on' to the more existing space projects of firing Tom Hanks into space and mawkish sentimentality with films like Apollo 13.

The telescope was conceived capable of looking into deep space but could also be swivelled around and pointed in the direction of President Bill Clinton's bedroom if looking at stars became too tedious for astronomers.

edit Discoveries

So far the Hubble Space Telescope has produced a lot of pretty pictures of the cosmos to act as screen savers for nerds that don't wash and also the God Crowd who say the images prove that the infinite Deity is a gifted artist with a real eye for the dramatic. So much of this was going on that eventually the telescope needed a new pair of glasses fitted once everything started to become blurry on screen.

The Hubble Space telescope is expected to be retired sometime soon. A team of vets will be sent into orbit to put the telescope into a sleep so that it can crash and burn right over China.

edit See Also

Star Trek

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