Howard the Duck (film)
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|Howard the Duck|
|"Do you like your duck extra-crispy?"|
|Directors||The Katzenjammer Kids|
|Language||Gangland English (no subtitles)|
Howard the Duck is a 1986 crime thriller directed and produced by Hans and Fritz Katzenjammer, with special effects by George Lucas. It is studied in most film schools as a textbook case of how not to make a movie, unless one's goal is to bleed out an eight-figure budget as quickly as possible.
George Lucas attended film school with several famous people, and once described to a couple of his playground pals a Marvel Comics number called Howard the Duck. Though his friends advised him, "It's just a stupid comic book," Lucas was convinced that the work was "very funny" and had absurdism and black humor. His remarks gave no hint to his companions that he might create a knock-off movie that, even so, had neither.
After Lucas left Lucasfilm to produce his own movies, he discussed with Hans and Fritz Katzenjammer adapting Howard the Duck as a film. According to the documentary Running Away from Howard the Duck, the men's accounts of those conversations differ slightly, as each claims the project was the other guy's idea.
Universal Studios contracted for the film to be produced, as it had passed on several other Lucas movies and several other Lucas millions. Unfortunately, plans for a cartoon movie that would be faithful to the Marvel Comic were a casualty. Universal needed something to send to the cinemas right away, and changed the format to one involving live actors, hoping to make it up with some flashy special-effects work near the deadline. Lucas likewise wanted to produce a "good movie," but Universal was also under contract to produce several real stinkers that year. Another fateful decision was to change the character of Howard the Duck from the "rude and obnoxious" comic-book character to a personality that moviegoers could like. They succeeded at the former.
Reels of film gave their lives to produce scenes of the parallel alien planet Duckworld, like anyone would care, by showing what New York City would look like if the buildings were those of New York City but the sky was that of Tatooine. Howard the Duck's apartment on Duckworld contains plenty of duck-themed props, and plenty of dwarves offering snappy repartee that the creators called "duck sauce."
The producers discarded an idea to do the filming in Hawaii, even though it would be fun to go to Hawaii, whereas at the time there were no direct flights to Duckworld. As a consolation, they set the magnificent chase scene in Petaluma, California and the climax in a nasal installation in San Francisco. In this way, they managed to blow through $36 million, even without trans-Pacific travel bills, and also without improving the quality of the product in the least.
The film that resulted was directly opposite to the comic book, downplaying satire and avoiding entirely a plot that anyone could relate to. (See below for proof.) Katzenjammer exclaimed, "Anyone who won't like this movie probably cannot enjoy reading Howard the Duck" — one of the rare occasions in which he sized up his audience exactly, on both counts, as most viewers hated the comic but found their way to hating the movie as well.
When the film was screened for Universal, executives left without commenting, which Katzenjammer interpreted as a hopeful sign. However, there were mixed reactions to test screenings, varying between barfing and merely storming the box office and demanding refunds. Despite this, the movie was released on August 1, 1986 and has been described as one of the worst movies ever made. Katzenjammer would later note that many moviegoers were confused by the sexuality in the screenplay, as they were not sure it was designed for children or adults. (See Thunderbirds.) Katzenjammer may have based this observation on listening to patrons leaving theaters and saying how they might have liked the movie if they were simply someone else. However, when the financial reports came in, Katzenjammer and Lucas finally began that much-delayed trip to Hawaii, rather than reading them.
Rumors of a fistfight in the Universal Studios executive cafeteria have been unanimously denied, although all the principals are now employed elsewhere, and a couple are still in the movie business. Production head Frank Price, whose head rolled (the film's only successful special effect) saw the headline in Variety that notoriously said that Duck Cooks Price's Goose, but recalls that it appeared on the women's pages and assumes that the accompanying article was a recipe.
The movie opens on Duckworld, a senselessly expensive special-effect scene whose most special effect is to baffle movie-goers and reduce the believability of everything that follows. Howard the Duck (Daffy Duck) is spending an ordinary day in his mid-town apartment, trying to complete a crossword with his flippers. He should know that any such day in the movies means one's life is about to be up-ended, whether by a fateful letter from the IRS or a baby left on the doorstep. Sure enough, just after realizing that the noise from the kitchen means that lunch has boiled over and is seeking the gap in the linoleum to be the downstairs neighbor's problem too, Howard gets up out of his easy-chair — and is inexplicably transported to downtown New York City.
It is the Gangland Era, 1935. Howard finds himself eluding police after holding up a jeweler’s store. As he goes through the jewels he stole, he accidentally runs into Clyde "Clyde" Clooney (Al Capone), the leader of the Ant Hill Mob. The two find that they have a lot in common, apart from growing up on different planets. Howard eventually joins the Mob, where he discovers that they are blackmailing bombshell race-car driver Penelope Pitstop (Paris Hilton) to steal from her. A love-smitten Howard gives up hopes of returning to Duckworld, as Earth women seem to be much easier.
Eventually, Pitstop takes both men for a spin in her hopped-up Volkswagen Bug, the Chug-a-Boom (portrayed by Herbie). This scene plays out as a montage, showing Howard plotting against his own allies. On a stormy night, Clyde finds one of the Mob members, Donny "Zippy" Adams (Donny Osmond), dead with his loot and valuables stolen. Clyde suspects fowl play and confronts Howard with a white feather found on Donny's body. Howard, whose pockets are filled with loot, says that Clyde is "talking rag-time," and storms out.
Another killing occurs. This time, Christopher "Softie" Westley is pecked to death by an unknown assailant. We would hardly know he was an assailant, except for the tell-tale corpse. Clyde then learns that Howard has stolen Chug-a-Boom, and sets off after him, just in time to see him kill Pitstop, and get away in another car that only appears in this scene and thus doesn't really deserve a name. Enter Sgt. Patrick Mahoney (Donald Duck), who promises Clyde amnesty for his crimes if he helps him to hunt down Howard. Clyde agrees, and a nationwide search begins for Howard. They find him trying to catch a boat to Germany, presumably the first step on his attempted journey back to Duckworld. After a violent shootout, in which Mahoney is wounded, Howard is taken alive leading with Denise (Meg Griffin) and Cream (Hayley Smith).
In a court scene that lasts only 60 seconds, Howard is found guilty of murder, robbery and jaywalking, and is sentenced to death by electric chair. The judge winks at the bailiff and says, "I like my duck extra crispy." Howard is then led away. Post-credits, viewers are advised that Howard's remains lie in an unmarked grave in Death Valley.
The reception is located on the ground-floor of the offices. Simply take the elevator and then immediately turn right. Thank you.
- The character of Penelope Pitstop had more in common with George Lucas's mother than the real-life Penelope Pitstop.
- Donald Duck was originally offered the role of Howard the Duck, but he turned it down in favor of the police sergeant. However, that relationship did not last.
- George Lucas makes an uncredited cameo as one of the police officers in the "K-9" unit. The "patrol dog" who accompanies him is actually Chewbacca.
- The actual Chug-a-Boom was loaned out by the estate of Penelope Pitstop for one day of shooting, and this is why it only appears in one scene. The gaudy Ford nameplate was one of the earliest cases of shameless product placement inside a movie.
- Knuckles the Echidna got the role of Charlie "Yak-Yak" Parson because Sonic the Hedgehog was unavailable.
- Jack Nicholson was originally going to play Sgt. Patrick Mahoney before Donald Duck was cast into the role.