How Cars Work

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 03:03, January 10, 2012 by (talk)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

For many millenia, the common men (and all women) have wondered how cars work. Only enthusiasts, mechanics and dealerships know how cars really work. There are three things essential to cars: the engine, the transmission and the tires (Only on current cars). These three things will be explained now.

(Warning: contains excessive use of the words "hamster" and "flux capacitor", which may cause a headache or SEHS.)

edit The Engine

Contrary to popular belief, cars are not powered by an engine. They are in fact run by a Flux Capacitor controlled by hamsters. Previously, the cars had been run by gerbils. However, the Great San Francisco Gerbil Shortage of 1977, which caused great uproar among certain demographic groups, caused the car manufacturers to switch to hamsters and sell their gerbils in dungeons for a large profit.

edit The Transmission

The transmission is pretty self explanatory. It sends power from the flux capacitor to the wheels. It uses a complex system of milk tanks, copper wire, and a stick of celery to turn the flux energy into movement. As no one on the internet has ever worked with a car, I don't know exactly how that happens.

In an automatic, part of the flux capacitor's power is used to shift, shifting being a term that's meaning is unknown. All normal people drive automatics.

In a manual, the driver has to shift, but has to be somewhat intellegent, or have read and understood a manual to do this. People with HPS or other mental illnesses are known to always drive manuals.

edit The Tires

The tires are designed to stick to the road. As such, they are usually made from girlfriends, the clingiest substance known to men. As such, they have an amazing ability to stick to the road. The more pure the girlfriends, the more clingy they are, and thus tires made from 100% extra non-virgin girlfriends are usually used in faster cars.

edit The Future

In the future, cars will not have wheels, so tires will be completely useless. As such, the future has a higher number of girlfriends, and as such, even nerds will have a girlfriend or three. Not much else is known mechanically other than future cars have cat-toast devices at all four corners. The engines will not change, but the transmission will,transmissions will be leather wrapped in your girlfriend's skin thanks to their over abundance and the components will be made from their bones because they are more efficient.

edit External Links

Personal tools