HowTo talk:Walk on Saturn without falling over

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I hear a Proofreading Service is available. There are many run-on sentences and missing commas. If you get it proofread, it's important to study what changes he made and learn from it. Also: I thought the final section is too heavy on self-reference and could be made more clever. Spıke Ѧ 11:32 28-Apr-13

I was thinking of making a series of HowTo:[do something] on Saturn where the person reading the guide keeps ending up in a worse position than he started in hence the last paragraph. you might understand more when I start the next one in the series. Sir ScottPat Icons-flag-gb Scotland Flag 1 UnS CUN VFH (talk) 12:34, April 28, 2013 (UTC)

Ah, so the reason it is so heavy on self-reference is that you are creating an institution?! I am not against that, nor even that the end of this article point to the next one with a See Also or even a navigation template; only that the text refer to itself. Don't talk about the instruction you are giving; simply, give it. Spıke Ѧ 12:44 28-Apr-13

I will do a see also when I've made the next on in the series. Thanks. Sir ScottPat Icons-flag-gb Scotland Flag 1 UnS CUN VFH (talk) 12:57, April 28, 2013 (UTC)
PS - Thanks for touching up the article. Do you want me to remove it from VFH? Sir ScottPat Icons-flag-gb Scotland Flag 1 UnS CUN VFH (talk) 13:05, April 28, 2013 (UTC)

(Sheesh! still thinks he's an Admin.) It would fall to Romartus to delete it or mark it as failed, which I don't think he will do--not having done so to the raft of noms by banned users Pizzawiki2 and TCBY!. But my vote against stands, for now, as the nom was premature. Spıke Ѧ 13:14 28-Apr-13

Sorry I thought I could simply highlight it all and delete it and save the edit. I'm still new and I think I no I'm not an admin. Sir ScottPat Icons-flag-gb Scotland Flag 1 UnS CUN VFH (talk) 13:21, April 28, 2013 (UTC)

No one should blank a page in a voting forum; that's sort of like un-moving a question after it has gone to The Floor. You could ask Romartus to take your nomination down; that's been done, but I don't feel strongly that you must, and this might become feature-worthy with more work. I could even wind up flipping to Symbol for vote For. It is already a nice rocket-ride toward absurdity. I like the way you got silly when broaching the topic of future NASA funding, as the USA is currently embroiled in dead-serious finger-pointing over spending reductions. Spıke Ѧ 13:39 28-Apr-13

Really I didn't know that. I know I'm not a US citizen so my comment is invalid but I believe if you paid just a bit more tax you could get NASA's manned space exploration back and working again so Man may go to the Moon again. I wish the ESA would do some more about it. I think it's time we Brits got a man on Moon. There's actually quite a good Uncyclopedia article about that. Sir ScottPat Icons-flag-gb Scotland Flag 1 UnS CUN VFH (talk) 14:55, April 28, 2013 (UTC)

PS - Any other things I need to change on the article that you can think of? Sir ScottPat Icons-flag-gb Scotland Flag 1 UnS CUN VFH (talk) 14:58, April 28, 2013 (UTC)

edit Pee Review

Humour: 10 Your humor is great. This is the common side of your articles: they don't lack any jokes. My favorite parts are about "Certificate", "History", "Introduction". Sorry for not being able to tell you any suggestions of improvement.
Concept: 8 I appreciate your idea: to make a guide on walking on Saturn. This article has a very different structure from other HowTo s. But this doesn't make it bad. The particularity of your work is that:
  1. It isn't divided into steps as normal guides, you don't have to change it unless you want to because this is not a negative side of your article.
  2. The sections are rather long and contain some extra information. You can other create several separate sections ( an example is below) or to add more info to the "History" part. An example of one of the section problems is:
  • "Travelling to the surface of Saturn" is too long and does not talk only about getting to the surface but also has some information about weather there. If you don't want to include this in the "Walking" section, you can add a new one (for example, "Other important facts") and put weather and storms there.
Prose and formatting: 7.5 Very good! You have several problems: punctuation (...), capital letters (LIFT OFF, YOU) and several rhetoric questions which are not common in encyclopedias or even in HowTos. They are not that significant because they don't spoil the impression of your article but you still need a little bit of work. Other few remarks are:
  • In the section "Travelling to the surface of Saturn", you first say "to jump over them in your space craft". Later on: "you are far enough from Saturn to float back to your space ship". It is probably a mistake: the first quote implies that you are you are inside your ship while jumping and the next one denies it. You can say: "jump FROM your space craft" or just rephrase the sentences.
  • At the beginning of the "Walking on Saturn", you say "Be aware that you might feel under a lot of pressure". I am not sure if you can say that, I think that "You might feel yourself under a lot of pressure here" is better. Also, the word "here" should probably be replaced by "there". But I am not sure as I am not a native speaker.
Images: 9 I have never seen an article where all the images were so relevant. I don't think that images could be better. I had an impression that you took photos yourself knowing which ones you needed.
  • However, I think that the third image should be at the beginning of the section and not at the end: it is at the beginning of the section you talk about how astronauts have landed on Jupiter, so the image is more relevant there.
  • Also, several images are too small and are spread away from each other, the most critical situation is with the third and the fifth images.
Miscellaneous: 8.6 Average score.
Final Score: 43.1 Very well done for your first HowTo guide. It is very funny and is good enough for VFH but I think that you should improve the length of your sections and the information they contain (Concept), several formatting problems (Prose). I laughed a lot of times while reading your article!
Reviewer: Anton (talk) 14:01, May 12, 2013 (UTC)

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