HowTo talk:Part the Red Sea

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*Changed '''very''' to ''very'' (to convey <u>emphasis</u>), if you think bolding is merited here consider '''''very'''''.
 
*Changed '''very''' to ''very'' (to convey <u>emphasis</u>), if you think bolding is merited here consider '''''very'''''.
 
*Removed bolding from the <u>additional references</u> to "Alternate Method"
 
*Removed bolding from the <u>additional references</u> to "Alternate Method"
*Added italices to ''setting up camp'' to indicate <u>emphasis</u>.
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*Added italices to "''setting up camp''" to indicate <u>emphasis</u>.
 
*Bolded '''[[HowTo%3APart_the_Red_Sea#Second:_Set_Up_Camp|<u>numbers of items with descriptions</u>]]'''.
 
*Bolded '''[[HowTo%3APart_the_Red_Sea#Second:_Set_Up_Camp|<u>numbers of items with descriptions</u>]]'''.
 
*A <u>sentence ending with an ellipsis</u> "..." should actually have four dots "...." in a row, [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style#Ellipses (an ellipsis followed by terminal punctuation)]. (''Other usage: "''...!''" or "''...?''"''.)
 
*A <u>sentence ending with an ellipsis</u> "..." should actually have four dots "...." in a row, [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style#Ellipses (an ellipsis followed by terminal punctuation)]. (''Other usage: "''...!''" or "''...?''"''.)

Latest revision as of 06:24, May 20, 2010

I must contest one point, namely that cellphones do not generally work too well in planes. Especially not in higher ones, where you are unlikely to get a signal at all. --Lantash 17:16, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

Since you are a conspiracy terrorist (theorist?) consider the fact that for some of us cell phones work anywhere, anytime, and too anyone. Al des chains (in theory) 17:27 16 5 MMX
That's only because you aren't using the Jehovah Cell Service. Change you service and all of your problems should go away... eventually...--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 17:54, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

edit Bam!

Bmup smaller The Proofreading Service has proofreaded your article. Like it? Need more proofreading? Click here!

Not a whole lot to critique here (thus the VFH nom I suppose). Happytimes

Below are the major changes and suggestions I have. (Feel free to revert or praise.) Look at the edit history to see ALL of the changes.
  • Proper names (like Red Sea) can be bolded the first time they appear. I did it here as it is closely related to the article title.
  • Conversations are tricky. See Bruce Wayne for a good dialog format which I referenced when converting your article. I also colored & inset the dialog to make it stand out from the text above and below.
  • Changed very to very (to convey emphasis), if you think bolding is merited here consider very.
  • Removed bolding from the additional references to "Alternate Method"
  • Added italices to "setting up camp" to indicate emphasis.
  • Bolded numbers of items with descriptions.
  • A sentence ending with an ellipsis "..." should actually have four dots "...." in a row, (an ellipsis followed by terminal punctuation). (Other usage: "...!" or "...?".)
  • Changed "step 2" to "the second step" for clarity/smoothness because you've labeled the sections: first, second & third.

edit Editorial liberties:

  • Added you to "your problems" here.
  • Added <font color=darkred>text</font> to the devil's side of the conversation. (I think the coloring ads to it... but maybe a darker red?)
  • Revised and added Fans to tip of the same name.
  • Changed your Note: text (bolded & italicized).
  • Changed Israeli to Israelite (because I thought it flowed better, (WTF do I know on this, = nothing really)).

edit Suggestions (pee review lite):

  • Maybe change "Most people would think that a cellphone would not work in that area," to something like "...would not work in the greater Red Sea area,'"
  • The caption "Unbeknown to Tommy, a shark is about to rip his arm clean off. This incident is a clear reminder that just because the seas are parted, it does not mean that the marine life is gone." Doesn't flow smoothly to me, consider revising.
  • Maybe change the tip text "...it should be a wooden stick..." to "...it should be of the wooden stick variety..."
  • Maybe change "... make sure your "staff" is actually a staff." to "... make sure your "staff" is an actual staff."
  • Smooth out this sentence, "In the Alternate Method we are going to do the same thing with less divine intervention." (What thing?)
  • Maybe change "false front" to "false pretense"
  • Consider revising, "After you have enough fans to turn the formally worthless country of Lichtenstein into one large stockpile," (I didn't understand it.)
  • Revise this long sentence "He should have 2-3 of the Middle-Easterners working under him, so that should there be any electrical problems with the extremely large number of fans you brought in, they will be the ones to test the system to see if the problem is deadly or not." (If the middle part were removed does it still read/flow well? = No.)
  • Some of the pictures don't match up cleanly with the text... consider moving them about a bit.

Hope this hleps!  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  20 May 2010 ~ 05:37 (UTC)

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