HowTo talk:Invade Fort Dix

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I kinda like this. One thing though: it feels a little listy at the start, with the "things you'll need" section in particular, but also with the preparation section being in essence a list of terrorist groups. You might want to move or even remove the "things you'll need" bit (I'm not sure how much it adds) to get people into the rest of it a bit more. Or not, I mean, the choice is yours, just thought I'd mention it. --UU - natter UU Manhole 10:17, Nov 15

Yeah, that's a good point, and I see what you mean. I'll try and replace the more listy parts with more actual content. --APOLLO God of PoetryCharacter-volumeintegralTHE FORUM| MY HEROIC ACTSCharacter-volumeintegral 15:28, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

edit Pee Review

Here are the results of the Pee Review for this article. Feel free to use it to fix up the article. --APOLLO God of PoetryCharacter-volumeintegralTHE FORUM| MY HEROIC ACTSCharacter-volumeintegral 22:50, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 7 Pretty funny, but it still needs to be worked on. Under “Things you’ll need”, instead of saying you need someone like Jackie Chan, write that you need Jackie Chan. When you wrote “Something to bribe guards with, like money, drugs, or sex if you have none of those” there is no need to have “if you have none of those” at the end of it, since then you’ll be more concise. Your “Joining a terrorist group” needs a lot of work. Instead of just writing stuff like joining communist groups etc., which isn’t funny, why not make your own names and info. for terrorist groups? Eg. Freedom Fighter Organization, and give information about them. Under “Getting your weapons”, it would be worth including that in the USA it is legal to buy guns. Other then that the rest of the article was great.
Concept: 8 You really did a great job with the concept; invading Fort Dix was very enjoyable for me to read. My only issue with the concept is that the article is about invading the USA, and you do not mention what happens after Fort Dix is invaded. Put an 8th step in that summarises what to do next when Fort Dix is taken over for USA domination and the issue is fixed.
Prose and formatting: 8 Prose and formatting was great, the only issue is you wrote “If you decide to sneak them into the United States, be sneaky about it. If you just simply mail the goods in, they'll most likely be intercepted, and if it isn't, George W. Bush will get permission to listen in on all your future phone conversations.” This doesn’t entirely make sense. If it isn’t intercepted, why would George Bush get permission to listen in on all your future phone converstaions? You need to make that “isn’t” into an “is.”
Images: 6.5 The images are relevant, with good quality and formatting, except for your Osama image, which isn’t needed since you only mentioned Osama once in that article, and the Hezbollah and Communist images, because if you fix up that part (see Concept) there will be no need for them.
Miscellaneous: 7.4 Used the pee formula.
Final Score: 36.9 This is a great article, and once fixed up I hope to see it become a feature article. Keep up the good work.
Reviewer: --Docile hippopotamus 01:48, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
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