||I could see the real humor in there, but you might want to be mindful of how you convey the jokes. Sentence structure is vital.
||You can't go wrong with a well-written HowTo, and making fun of emos (while a little cliché, I suppose) is gold.
|Prose and formatting:
||Ok, one thing you absolutely must do: Go back in and pull your sentences together. While I was reading, I couldn't stop noticing how each sentence started on a new line. It can be kind of distracting to the reader, and doesn't really look good.
||Though there were but two images in the whole article, they were hilarious, in my opinion. I dunno, I'm a sucker for pseudo-scientific image analysis. I would urge you to add a few more pictures if you can.
||I like the second-person narrative in the piece, but I think there is a certain way it must be done for every subject. Try rephrasing some of the more blatantly condescending comments into subtle, clever squibs. For example, instead of "Than the riffs. Steal them. Seriously. You're way too unoriginal to come up with your own.", which is a little bland and obvious, try "Then the riffs. Steal them. Seriously. After all, you're way too original to come up with your own." (I just added the bold to emphasize the difference). It's not literal, but you're going for humor and satire. After all, no real guide would ever insult the reader. Another example; when talking about the chords, rather than "No need for more, because, seriously, have you ever heard one of those shitty bands?", try something less overly critical and more underlyingly sarcastic. Something like, "No need to learn more chords, it's not like you'll need them, for the music you're making."
||Here are some other small things you can do to make the article even better:
- Try to keep the use of "gay" to a pure minimum. Try instead hints and such. Yes, emos are quite gay, but using "gay" too often goes back to what I said about subtlety, and it makes the writing seem somewhat immature and rushed.
- Add a bit more content if you could, I feel the article is too short at this point.
- Be very mindful of your prose, and remember: you're writing a fake HowTo that parodies a real guide, such as "For Dummies". Keep 'parody' in mind, it's the key word.
||--Señor DiZtheGreat CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 22:44, 23 April 2007 (UTC)