HowTo talk:Create a sandstorm

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edit Unofficial Pee (Don't count on Cajek's list)

Humour: 7 Not bad in terms of humor, but I feel more jokes could be worked in. The final joke was pretty funny, but I feel more funny things could be worked in. For example, the "Pile it up" section could have been a bit more funny. I think it fell a bit short and lost potential. Same for sections 3 and 4. I seriously recommend you add some more jokes and satire there- especially since it's on VFH. I feel that you could easily milk more humor without changing your concept. I sure hope I'm not missing any underlying concept.
Concept: 6 Pretty good concept, but your execution wasn't as good as I hoped. See elsewhere.
Prose and formatting: 7 Maybe that giant thing in the beginning was intentional. I don't know. I just think it's an "formatting mess"- that picture is too big, and the contents box messes it up even further. If you must have the picture that size, could you pretty please move it from the contents box so it doesn't leave so much whitespace? There are some grammar errors. For example, in the first sentence, there should be a comma after sandstorm. As for prose, you broke the fourth wall a couple times- it is a HowTo, so it doesn't really hurt it, but I think it messes with the tone a bit.
Images: 8 Strongest point of the article. The fourth caption was a bit random. I like the joke, but I feel like you could give it some kind of "backstory" to seem less random. I was that first picture could have more funny on it- it takes up so much space and therefore attracts a lot of the reader's attention.
Miscellaneous: 7 I gave it a 7 because I want to get a 35, an average score.
Final Score: 35 Not quite enough for me to vote for on VFH yet. A 40 would be a yes for me, and anything below 34 would be a no. So, I'm abstaining. I feel liek you could milk this up, and polish it to make it better. Don't change it, make it shine more so we can all admire it.
Reviewer: --Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) 03:38, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks HELPME, I will work on this tomorrow. The opening pic was a problem because it's one of those that we can't size up to a fairly large size unless it is the complete frame. I would like to make it smaller but not as small as is possible without frame. A quandry. Your unexpected review will help, and is appreciated. Thanks, Aleister in Chains 3:44 8 5 MMX

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