HowTo talk:Become an Assassin

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Humour: 6 Since the whole tone of the article is zany and irreverent, a different title might have been funnier (such as, "How To: Become a Hit Man"), with a focus on mafioso references. Also, some of the famous assassinations are arguably really weren't assassinations (such as the death of Jesus - he was put to death under color of Roman law, rather than taken out by an assassin). Still, certain parts of the article are pretty funny. The kitten holding the sniper rifle and the list of famous assassins gave me a laugh.
Concept: 5 The concept has potential but could use some work. Being an assassin by itself is not that funny, so that is an obstacle, but the idea of a guidebook could (and does) lead to some good humor. The article lays out general topics of instruction, like choice of weapon and target, but could probably benefit from being laid out more as a step-by-step guide, with numbered steps, and more of them to follow.
Prose and formatting: 5 The prose and formatting are not in the format of an encyclopedia article, but are a bit zanier. This works to the extent that a serious topic, like assassination, is being taken lightly for the sake of humor. Still, because murder by itself is not funny, something more is probably needed. Under the scenario where the article is written as a guide for hit men, for example, the voice of the article could be less formal and sound like one mafioso talking to another in mafia vernacular. Here, though, there does not seem to be a humorous base for varying from standard English and punctuation.
Images: 8 The images are pretty darn funny! The kitten, the man laying on the grass, and the hammer are all quite hilarious. So is the guidebook for murder. In fact, it seems like the photographs were the inspiration for the article, which is fine, but then the article has big shoes to fill. Overall, though, the images are great.
Miscellaneous: 6 Avg'd your score, via the "Pee" function
Final Score: 30 The article needs some work on its coherence and organization, tied with an improved concept, to really flow and be laugh-out-loud funny. Still, especially with the pictures, it is amusing and was fun to read.
Reviewer: --NoNamesLeft 00:46, April 29, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 6 Hi Matt, been a long time since we last spoke. Slightly disconcerting our last conversation was about how sexy Canadian girls are and now I'm reviewing an article about how to be an assassin. I sure wouldn't like to reject you (not that I ever would!). Anyway, down to business. This is most certainly a decent article , the humour is fine but lists don't make me laugh out loud. They make me smile. I don't think the quotes at the top really work with the rest of the article either. It would be nice to just combine those lists into paragraphs. Your first three lines is an example of the hyperbolic humour that I, personally, really like. If you could do the same for the lists it would make a bit improvement in my mind. For example, you could elaborate on the pros and cons of choosing a weapon. "Whilst a hammer may be a convenient method of killing your mark, the thought of revisiting Gap to purchase new clothes is a daunting prospect that must be considered before selecting any close range weapon" or something like that. That's just a suggestion, I'll let you decide but personally I think a sentence has a lot more to it than just a listed point. Hokay dokie,a nd now the second issue I have with the humour; it's a tad risqué at best and just downright rude at times. I know that when you wrote this you couldn't have known, but I don't think the sentence "Grenade: Weapon of choice in crowded areas" is at all appropriate in light of the recent attacks in Liege where 125 people were wounded. When reading "Plausible scenarios" I felt like I was reading a watered down version of American Psycho as well. The whole "Choosing a target" paragraph is just... meh. It's borderline too far but if you were to make it into a proper paragraph and keep it in there I'd have no objection, it has potential.
Concept: 5 This is the area that lets you down most, It's a good concept, it has a lot of scope for humour, but I don't think that scope is used particularly well. It's fairly short and there isn't much substance to it. However, I think your biggest problem is that despite called a "how to" article there really isn't that much how to about it. If I suddenly wanted to go out and murder someone I'm sure that there would be more I needed to do than just choose a weapon and a target. All the paragraphs below "choosing a target" aren't really "how to" at all, they are much more likely to be from an article about assassins. The title is "HowTo:Become an Assassin" and really you have only 2 (3 including the introduction) sections covering this.
Prose and formatting: 7 It's decent, no glaring spelling mistakes or broken links, but it is very listy. Just on a personal level, a pet hate of mine is when someone (you in this case) link something like "person on the receiving end". I'm thinking, oohh what's this link going to be? Something funny? Something satirical? What's cheeky lil' Mattsnow linked this otherwise fairly mundane sentence to? Oh, it's just linked to "victim". Yea, kinda annoys me, maybe I'm just the only one though, if I am... then still fix it because I'm doing the review! Nah, it's just a little pet peeve of mine that I felt like sharing.
Images: 7 Decent images. I don't think the top one "murder for dummies" is such a great one to start the article though. The next two are great and I just feel the first one simply isn't as good. I don't like that HowTo template being there either, its just an unnecessary element cluttering it up. The image placement is generally fine, but I didn't see the Charlie Sheen image at the bottom until my 3rd read through. What does Charlie Sheen have to do with how to be an assassins anyway? Is he a total frickin' assassin from Mars as well as a rock star? Might want to reconsider that one. But generally they are good, I genuinely lol'd at the 3rd one and the 2nd one made me chuckle as well.
Miscellaneous: 6 Good try, above average, but below great. A phrase I heard every night from my ex.
Final Score: 31 Overall a pretty nice article, just needs a bit of polishing off (see what I did there) and some more thought put making your lists into jokes which relate back to the "how to" genre of the article. If you want to ask me any questions about the review or if you just want to chat feel free to message me at my talky page.
Reviewer: --Writey 02:43, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
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