HowTo:Topple a democracy and create the perfect dictatorship
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If you are on this page you are obviously a strong independent human who don't need no democracy. Good, because if you follow these easy steps you to can oppress, or control if you feel like it, your very own nation.
edit Step 1: Pick An Easy Target
Toppling a large and powerful democracy is difficult so your best shot is to start small. Pick a nation that is in economic slums and constant turmoil. Also aim for a nation that gets practically no help from other nations. So, basically pick Spain.
edit Step 2: Ruin The Economy
If the economy is already bad, skip this, but if you feel the need to "go big or go home", then here are some tips. If you are fairly wealthy, then you are set for this. The easiest way is cripple the stock market, buy large amounts of stock in a major corporation (like gas and electric companies), and then when stock prices are low sell all of your stock. This will create a scenario similar to the Great Depression.
If you are not wealthy, another option is to ruin agriculture. Spread a virus through the plants or introduce new insects to the environment. If agriculture fails, you can't feed your people. (This has been known to backfire. Have caution when proceeding.)
edit Step 3: Adopt Fascism
This might sound odd but it is necessary for your success as a dictator. Fascism appeals to poor people in times of turmoil and economic hardship. What people want in those times is a strong leader who has the power to follow through with his promises of peace and economic success. Fascism is the only way to do this other than a monarchy, but we will talk about monarchs later. Remember, fascism is established through a democratic process (or so it did in Germany). In order to do this, an over-abundance of political parties is recommended. Hitler was elected, and he only had 32% of the popular vote.
edit Step 4: Win Over The People
“Remember, anyone will believe bullshit if you yell it loud enough!”
This is most likely the hardest step because you only get one chance at this. To win over the people you have to give them what they want, even if you will take it away later. You must appeal to them through patriotic and sympathetic speeches, and no one new that better than the Nazis. Hitler was one hell of a speaker. If you are illiterate, this may prove to be a challenge. However, you can always go the Guatemalan route, and overthrow the previous dictator through a violent, bloody, and short revolution. This may get you assassinated, but no one said becoming an illiterate dictator would be a cake walk. In other words, kids, "If you want to rule, stay in school."
edit The Guatemalan Route
“What's that? I didn't win re-election? But I'm still Commander-in-Chief for the rest of my term, right? OKAY, BOYS, WE MARCH ON D.C. AT DAWN!”
This is when the dung hits the ceiling fan. If you can't manipulate people into following you, try frightening them. It's risky, yes, but if you are going the Guatemalan Route, it means you are either illiterate, uncharismatic, completely unlikable, or a combination of any or all of those three. If you even want a prayer at success using this route, you are going to need a junta. This is a group of revolutionaries you found who were angry at the world because their man didn't get into office. You have to be able to convince them, at the very least, that you are their man. If you succeed using this method, don't forget to put these men in prison. Invent evidence of treason, lock them up in a smelly sewer, and portray yourself as a hero for stopping them. If this works, congratulations! You're now the first successful user of the Guatemalan Route!
edit Step 5: Find A Scapegoat
edit Sorry, but choose the Jews
It sounds terrible, but the Jews are the perfect scapegoat; they are a minority in every nation, especially Spain. I'm not saying go full on Holocaust or anything, just blame stuff on them. If you blame economic hardship or internal turmoil on a minority, there is a higher chance that the people will believe that it is their fault. Like Hitler's speech writer said, people are more inclined to believe a big lie than a small one.
edit Step 6: Take Power
The current democracy will have to adapt your ways if you are voted into power, so once you are inevitably given a title of authority, abuse the crap out of it. Abolish the parliament or whatever form of democracy is in power and give the people what they want. They will be less outraged by the abolishing of democracy if you give them freedom right away. Remember, though, your prerogative must be to slowly but surely chisel away these rights until the people are numb, dehumanized slaves who don't realize that the freedoms promised to their ancestors have been stripped away so insidiously that they can't even protest. Revision of history is a marvelous way to do this. (For an easy anecdotal way to learn about the mutability of the past, read 1984.)
Now the fun part begins!
edit Revisionist History
“People are unpredictable. Best to throw them all in prison and hope for the best.”
As old Honest Abe up there said, people are unpredictable. Mass incarceration is one way to secure your dictatorship, but there IS a better way. For those who are familiar with 1984 (either the book or the album), you have already learned the Oceanian Success Story, about utilizing gradual changes to records and memories in order to re-write history. A similar technique worked for Joseph Stalin. This can work for you, too.People are fond of the past. It doesn't matter how shameful or horrible the past was, there will be some nostalgia. Just look at the proud members of the KKK in present-day America; and history teachers won't shut up about the past. That's why we have museums. Nationalistic pride is based on saying, "Hey [Insert Warring Country of 'Subhumans' Here], MY country is better than YOUR country!", ferchrissakes.
So, to make the people love you, all you have to do is re-write history. Sounds difficult, right? WRONG.
Once you have seized all the records and formed a strong central bureaucracy, it's as easy as can be.
Go through the records. You see all that stuff about the last regime? Throw out all the good stuff that the regime did, and take the bad stuff and exaggerate it. Once you've done this, standardize the education system and produce textbooks saying that all of the good things that ever happened to the country were the result of YOUR regime, and any war crimes committed by YOUR regime were actually propaganda from the LAST regime. Adopt an incredibly inefficient healthcare system that only focuses on "insanity", or "false" memories of good things that the old regime did or bad things that the new regime did; this will weed out the sympathizers and moderates.
ORIGINAL HISTORY: "[Old Regime] helped build the Great Bridge, which led to economic growth."
NEW HISTORY: "[Old Regime] passed the 'Mandatory Puppy Sodomy law' while the revolutionaries of the Glorious [New Regime] worked in secret to build the Great Bridge."
See? Now, the previous regime has been slandered as juvenile-dog-rapists, while the new regime is cast as an unsung cast of charitable do-gooders. Just like that, everyone forgets that YOU were the one who bombed the Great Bridge in the war and enforced the aforementioned canine-insemination law on the prisoners of war, and shifts the blame for those atrocities to the past regime.
This tool can be used an unlimited number of times, so you are an infallible prophet of any and all disasters, a sage of timing to responding to these disasters, and have the innate capability to solve these disasters out of the public view, and only reveal your benevolent recoveries long after the disaster is no longer a problem.
edit Step 7: Basically GenocideThis will take a while, but wall off all major cities from the rest of the country. All smaller cities will become drafting offices and research facilities for the advanced weaponry and army you will require to defend against inevitable attacks. All those that oppose you inside your nation must be killed, and all women should be put equal to men. Children must be taken and put into military training camps until they are ready to be drafted. While this may sound like an incredibly long waiting period for new soldiers, nobody ever specified a particular age these soldiers have to be.
At this stage, it is imperative to falsify evidence of terror, treachery, and general naughtiness of the offenders. However, this is a fail-safe; your government should control the media so that the walled cities don't know any of this is happening. Just run programs about your soldiers saving children from burning buildings or other such things. (PRO TIP: Don't let the public see you taking the babies and placing them inside burning structures.) If, by some clearly accidental occurrence, someone discovers the genocide and army-building, emergency steps will have to be taken. First, kill the individual or individuals. This, you want to do publicly; brand them "traitors, liars, and scum", and reveal the evidence you falsified that the victims were traitors of the most heinous sense. Learn this skill well; it will prove invaluable in ruling your nation.
edit Step 8: The Walled Cities
These will be the hubs of your nation. They will be separated from all outside contact. Inside these cities you must destroy all airports and airplanes as to prevent escape. Impose a strict curfew and create lots of censorship laws as well as imposing a massive secret police force. Wait until the third generation is born, then kill of all ancestors of the newborns and all couples who have not come forth with children yet. The remaining children will be placed in boarding schools where they will be taught by carefully selected government officials who will teach these children only about the city they are in. They must be taught that there is no world other than their walled off city. After that continue to teach each new generation until you have each city independent and naive.
edit Step 9: Prepare For The Worst
“Human rights? Of course I know of human rights, comrade. The problem is, dissenters aren't humans. And neither are you for asking that question.”In the event that while constructing and conditioning the walled city there is a rebellion, there is only one option: Gas the city and start again. No matter how inhumane it sounds, it is necessary to keep your rule. This is tricky; you want everyone in your nation to know the price of rebelling, but you don't want other countries finding out about it. Had Hitler controlled the media and communications better, the United States would've never stumbled across that ugly little "Auschwitz" incident.
If at all possible, actually, you want to re-write the past so that the exterminated city never existed. It's better to have everything changed so that the very thought of anyone ever wanting to rebel is impossible, rather than to give your people a reason to consider overthrowing you and establishing "human rights."
Remember, if rebels are either "not humans" or "not real", then what you do to them doesn't violate human rights. The only problem is making your people think that, and if you know how to easily and efficiently modify the way people think, then you don't need this guide, Supreme Overlord of All Things.
edit Step 10: Upholding Your Legacy
“ I think that hereditary monarchy is alright, alright, alright!”
Remember earlier when I talked a little about monarchs? Well, this is where they come in. You must uphold a strong capital city that only holds advisers you have picked. If these advisers die, have their roles passed onto the next able bodied candidate in the bloodline of one of the advisers. YOU MUST ONLY LET PEOPLE OF YOUR BLOODLINE RULE. This is incredibly important, for only you can pass on your views to your children. (and prevent wildfires)
edit Step 11: Enjoy Life
With all of your major responsibilities automated, you can live fairly lavishly. So, if done correctly, the long years will have paid off and your bloodline should rule peacefully. Unless of course there is a Czar Nicholas III kind of problem, where your son is massively unprepared for the role of leader and everything collapses.
But other than that you should be fine.