HowTo:Stop Ugly Girls from Liking You
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So you've actually managed to trigger a girl's innate attraction mechanism. Good for you, you've finally done something right for once in your life. Problem is, you weren't trying to trigger HER attraction mechanism. Isn't it ironic that the ones you don't want always seem to want you for some reason. Don't worry though, its not too hard to put the brakes on a girls attraction mechanism. Here are some quick and easy ways to extinguish her flames of desire before they consume the both of you.
edit Good or Evil?
So, you've already decided that there is no chance in hell that you are going to have sex with her but how will you let her down. Will you do it in a way that leaves what is left of her fragile self esteem intact?, or will you destroy what ever fragment of an ego she has left. The choice is yours.
Please note that Uncyclopedia is in no way ethically, legally, morally, or financially responsible for how you use the information in this article. If you break a girls heart and she goes and ODs on Oxycontin pills or drives off a bridge it is YOUR fault, (and hers as well for being so obsessed over an asshole like you) not ours.
edit The Gentleman's Way to Stop Ugly Girls from Liking You (Recommended)
While these methods are not quite as effective as the assholes' methods, they will leave her self esteem intact and you with a clean conscience. Stopping her attraction mechanism this way is slightly more difficult but it can be done. You won't feel like a dick afterwards either.
edit The Straight Honest Approach
This is probably the most straightforward way to get her to stop liking you. It is the most hurtful of the gentleman's options but it is the most honest. It is not as hurtful as the assholes responses though and may be the best balance between honesty and compassion. It also gets the message across clearly and may be the only nice way when dealing with morons.
- Although it may sound somewhat harsh, just tell her the truth. You like her as a friend but just don't feel THAT way about her. You shouldn't tell her she is ugly but let her know that you are not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with her.
- If you have a girlfriend you are already in the clear. Just tell her you are in a happy relationship and wish her well.
- Just be yourself, hey you haven't gotten laid up to this point, just keep doing what your doing. Sooner or later she'll figure out you have no game and attempt to move on to someone better, only to find the same failure. Do not expect her to be ridden of completely though.
edit White Lies
While honesty usually is the best policy, lies are not necessarily evil if they are done to protect someone's feelings. Here are some white lies you can use to extinguish her lust that doesn't make you feel guilty
- Tell her you already have a girlfriend, even if you don't. If she asks who it is, simply tell her she goes to a different school.
- Tell her that you are gay. (This one works, just pray she doesn't know any of your male friends or you'll never hear the end of it, worse it might make some of them interested.)
- Tell her that you are a crack-head. (I've used this one myself).
- Tell her that your parents don't let you date (Guilty of this one too).
- Tell her that you are poor. (I'm pretty good at this one).
- Tell her that you just suffered from a hard break up because your girlfriend had to move. (Will get her to lay off for a little while)
- Tell her that you may be moving soon, even if you really aren't. This might work because she probably won't want to get together with someone who would possibly move afterwards.
edit Pass her off on a friend
This may be the best option for everyone. Do you have a friend who really needs to get laid, do you feel bad for the girl because she's lonely (but not bad enough to fuck her of course). If you answered yes to one or both questions than this is the option for you. Here's what to do to get her to like your friend and not you.
- Brag about your friend to her.
- Tell her that he gets women all the time.
- As mentioned above, start acting like a wuss in order to cause her to focus her lust on your friend.
- Tell her your friend is rich.
- Stage a fight with your friend and let your friend win.
edit The Asshole's Way to Stop Ugly Girls from Liking You (Highly Effective but not Recommended)
Tried letting her down easy and she still won't take no for an answer or are you a heartless bastard who likes being mean to people. Either way, these methods will surely get rid of her once and for all. Some people will not have what it takes to be able to do this, but if her lust is pushing you to the brink, you should find little problems doing this.
edit Typical Asshole Responses to an Ugly Chick's Advances
- Tell her that you are out of her league and she should try to date someone less attractive.
- Tell her you don't date fat chicks.
- Tell her that you don't date losers.
- Tell her to fuck off
- Ignore her
- Start hitting on her friend
- Leave without saying anything to her
- Show her a picture you drew of her, preferabaly one that looks like Sasquatch, or better yet, the Yeti.
- Ask her out, only to dump her, and watch her cry, then taunt her for Believing you were actually gonna Suck face together.
- Go goth(unless you are goth, then go normal)
- Go emo (unless you are emo, then go normal)
- Go mad (unless you are mad, then go normal, this would probably be my response)
- End the Go _______ list
- Tell her how she reminds you of some sort of a Gorilla
- Tell her to get the Fuck away when she is near you
- Get others in on Teasing her about her Ugliness
- Hit on other chicks in front of her.
- Pretend that you like her and get her phone number, only to say something extremely condescending on the phone later (I admit, I'm guilty of this one. I know, I'm a monster.)
- If you do get a little action with a slutty girl, grope her butt or chest and get hot and intimate in front of your ugly stalker
- Tell her you'd rather bang a more attractive girl
- Don't tease her. She will think you like her cuz of this (many girls say this. well ALL girls say this)
edit The Heartless Bastard's Responses (Not recommended unless you are a psychopath)
- Tell her she is the ugliest thing you've ever seen
- Punch her in the face
- Spit on her
- Get a restraining order against her
- Tell her that you fucked her friend even if you didn't
- Tell her she smells
- Shit on her head
- Shoot her
- Stab her
- Tell everyone that she's a whore
- Shoot her, cut off her tongue, and proceed to shoot her Tongue.
- Hire a hitman to "take care" of her, if you will.
- Call your Local Animal control, and/or Exterminator, or Pest control.
- Have sex with said Slutty girl after awhile, and personally let your menace know.
- Induce vomit as soon as seeing her.
- Take her to a restaurant order very expensive food, say you are going to the bathroom and then leave.
- Take her to bed, then suffocate her with a pillow
- Break her nose with your forehead
- Lodge onions up your butthole while chanting "Shrek is love, Shrek is life".
(extra credit if you tell the waiter she is dine and dashing when you walk out the door)