HowTo:Spot A Transsexual

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Llaw
Lisa Lawrence: transsexual?

More and more male-assigned people are taking female hormones, receiving breast implants, and/or undergoing sex-change operations to live their lives as women. Some start these procedures as soon as they become legal adults and more than a few mimic cisgender women so well that they can use the ladies’ room without raising an eyebrow amongst other women and are able to have normal sex lives.

Giveaways

Many indications give away the transgender status of these women, among which are their feet, the way they walk, their hooters (or lack thereof), their shoulders, their larynxes, hands, cosmetics application, jargon, and coyness. Certain clothing items can also help one to spot the transsexual woman who is seeking to live a normal life. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

Feet

Ahan
Alyson Hannigan: transsexual?

Does she have feet a size not made in women's shoes? Most women's shoes aren't made readily available for women's feet above a size 11.

Walk

Can she walk the walk, especially in high heels, that most women can walk? Does she stride in style, have a graceful gait, exhibit a womanly walk? Or does she look like a model on a catwalk (many of whom, incidentally, are transsexuals), trodding like a goosestepping commie, with too much “precision” and obvious rehearsal in her rollicking walk?

Breasts

If she is small-breasted, or has no boobs, like Alyson Hannigan, she may be a tranny. On the other hand, if her juggs look like basketballs--too big, too round, and too good to be true--and are divided by a deep, wide valley, and stay spherical even when she's lying flat on her back, she's quite possibly a trans woman! If you have a tiny penis like me, your authority today, you might be considering it too.

Shoulders

Give the girl the cold shoulder if her shoulders are wider than her hips, because, again, most likely, she wasn't born with a vagina. Genetic women’s shoulders-to-hips ratio is typically more in proportion to one another.

Acou
Ann Coulter: transsexual?
Sbul
Sandra Bullock: transsexual?

Adam’s apple

The apple got stuck in Adam’s throat, not Eve’s, so if she has one, she’s probably a transsexual. Ann Coulter and Sandra Bullock are both transsexuals, although they’ve both been able to pass, at least in some circles, as genetic women. Bullock, despite the masculine sound of her surname and her obviously masculine throat, has succeeded well enough to be accepted as female by much of the world’s population and is always referred to as an actress rather than as an actor.

Plastic surgeons have found a way to “shave” the Adam’s apple, which enables transsexuals who have had this procedure to "pass" more easily as female. For those who can’t afford this alteration, there are always turtlenecks and scarves. Stay away from women who wear such neck attire.

Cosmetics

It is a proven fact that many transsexuals do not know how to apply make-up. Unlike most women, they have not had the opportunity to practice every day, so if she has poorly applied, lipstick, eyeliner, and blush and generally looks like a hooker who put on her make-up while drunk, then she might be a trans woman.

Hair

Half of all transexuals have long hair, the better to look classically feminine. Therefore, if she has long hair, then she probably wasn't born physically female. The other half have short hair, the better to look modern and chic. Therefore, if she has short hair, then she is probably looking for a little operation in Sweden.

Terminology

Jlcur
Jamie Lee Curtis: transsexual?

Transsexuals seldom call themselves “shemales,” and almost never go by “ladyboys,” either. Instead, when they refer to their “condition” at all, it’s usually in code, so a wise man will learn the jargon before it’s too late.

Coyness

Smgell
Sarah Michelle Gellar: transsexual?

If you reach for her you-know-what and she snatches your hand away, it’s probably because her package isn’t what you’d expect a lady to have “down there.” If they prefer backdoor sex after a bit of fellatio, as Sarah Michelle Gellar reportedly does, that’s another tip that your girlfriend may have at some point in her life been mistaken for a boyfriend.

Dating

Only a transsexual, and even then only an extremely horny and sex-starved transsexual, would ever date you. If you are reading this because you're dating someone, run.

What to do if you do spot a transsexual

If you do spot a transsexual, there are several actions you can take. In the order of their preference:

Tell her you aren't attracted to her

The best and most appropriate action is saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry, you seem very lovely, but I'm just not attracted to you." This will generally result in very little drama. It's a nice, assertive way to state a boundary without making the person you're talking to feel like they're under attack, which will make them more likely to just accept things peacefully.

Actually...you maybe VERY attracted to her. Transsexual pre-op women offer straight men a very powerful sexual experience...unlike a woman can provide. Ideally it is best to have one of each...a transsexual pre-op woman and a genetic woman...then eternal ecstasy is guaranteed!

Pretend you're a homo

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If you are unable to flee, you can pretend that you are gay. Transsexual women, ironically are only interested in people who are interested in women. If you don't appear to be, chances are they'll respect your boundaries and won't try to engage you for dating purposes or sex.

Pretend you're on the pill (but don't have one handy)

If you can't bring yourself even to pretend that you're anything but an all-beef, totally manly man, then pretend that you are impotent and have forgotten your Viagra. She won't waste another moment on you.

Kindness

She is a woman...so treat her as one. Our world is changing because it is bathing in estrogen; from plastics, pesticides, fracking chemicals used in oil and gas drilling, birth control pill residue in our drinking water, and many other causes. This 'estrogen bath' we are all a part of has caused amazing and wonderful changes in our environment. A new being has emerged...the transsexual! These beautiful creatures can be seen all over the world. In the Philippines, in Thailand, and all over Central and South America. From the 'estrogen bath' comes a new male as well. He is a 'straight' male that over time develops an deep and powerful love with a transsexual...similar to his first wife. Humans have always adapted to their environment...in the transsexual woman, we are seeing a shift in the 'ethereal energies' in our experience of being human. Compassion, love, and understanding, are the sensible roads to walk upon. Dr. Craig M. Jones

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