HowTo:Spend time with your pet
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
If your pet won't spend time with you, perhaps your pet is complaining that you haven't bought him/her proper pet insurance. That, or your pet simply needs some exercise or food, or you aren't complimenting your pet enough. Pets love to be complimented, and get offended if you don't compliment them enough.
edit How to Compliment Your Pet
Begin by telling them how beautiful their fur is. Then tell them how beautiful their eyes are. Compliment the gracefulness of their walk and their leaping or running. Then stroke them and look them in the eyes while complimenting them. Should you be the owner of a snake, admire the snakeskin, the gracefulness of the slither, and the playful way the tongue flicks in and out. (Don't be surprised if the snake sheds the skin soon afterwards.)
edit Proper Exercise of Your Pet
Unlike adults, pets generally like exercise. In this way, they are like hyperactive children, and will run wild around the house or chew/claw furniture (or other undesirable behavior) if they are not given sufficient exercise. When you give a dog exercise, the dog will begin to associate you with the fun exercise (the only taste of freedom he will get as a housepet) and actually want to spend time with you. Giving a cat room to jump, a high place to perch, and toys to chase and mutilate usually is sufficient exercise for a feline. Should you have a rodent, make sure that you have an exercise wheel in the cage. Should you have a snake or rabbit, disregard this part, since snakes and rabbits tend to be lazy. NOTE: Do NOT keep the snake and the rabbit in the same cage.
edit Feeding Your Pet
Perhaps your pet does not like the food you have been feeding it. Consider this: would you eat food that looks like pellets, and smells like stale bland leftovers? People like treats, and so do pets. Perhaps you should feed your pet more treats on a daily basis. Should your pet be obese, perhaps it is time to feed your pet healthy foods such as vegetables and salad, and/or an all-organic raw food diet. See your veterinarian for details on a healthy vegetarian diet.
edit Perhaps its your smell?
Perhaps your pet does not like your smell. Pets have a very sensitive nose, and they dislike cheap colognes and perfumes, let alone things like farts or body odor. Especially if you have not showered recently. Or perhaps they dislike your brand of mouthwash, soap or deodorant. In the event that this is the case, you may have to shut them into the same room with you. This way they cannot leave, though they may try to hide in a corner or under the bed. So make sure that you have them in a room where there is no furniture they can hide under.
edit Watch for the claws and teeth
Whoops, looks like you cornered your pet and got the business end of the teeth and/or claws. Next time, when you hear a growl or hiss, back off and let the animal get away. That, or wear a thick jacket, oven mitts, a motorcycle helmet (with visor down), several layers of pants or leather pants, and knee-high boots.
|It is requested that an image or images be included in this article to improve its quality.|