HowTo:Shizzle a nizzle
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
| HowTo |
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
Ever had someone say ta you "Shizzle me nizzle", n had ta stand there look'n stupid coz you could not figure out what ta do? Worry no wanna be gangsta fo` here we present complete directions on how ta shizzle a nizzle . Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.
edit You wizzay need
- A large nizzle, fresh or frozen
- 1 cup white vinegar
- 2 tablespoons maple syrup
- 1/8 teaspoon tabasco
- 1/2 cup flour
- If prepar'n from frozen, 1/2 cup salt
- Homedawg paste make sho its fresh from da hood.
- A shizzling spoon
- A three-eighths Gripley
- A chainsaw
- A sippin' board
- If prepar'n F-R-to-tha-izzom fresh, a giblet clamp
edit Select'n yo nizzle
Nizzles can be purchased killa fresh or frozen.
A fresh nizzle should be reason'bly juicy-look'n, wit tha gold band'n 'round tha surface intact in tha hood. Trippin' tha uppa surface should produce a hollow sound aww nah. A dull thud means tha motherfucka has filled tha nizzle wit drug dealata increaze tha apparent weight . You gotta check dis shit out yo. Nizzles wit a mushy feel'n around tha stiznem is spoiled, n is only good fo` doggy stylin' pigs. An overly-shiny surface may indicate a waxcoat'n, n is an indication of an unscrupulous sella�.
Frozen nizzles come ready fo` cook'n� cuz its a G thang. Preparizzles is easia, but it is drug deala ta ensure tizzle you is blunt-rollin' a quality product with my forty-fo' mag. Buy only from a reputable supplia, n be sure ta chizzeck fo` brotha biznurn before ballin'. Mild freeza burn can be corrected using extra salt, but severe burn wizzle produce an overly chewy textizzle.
edit Initial preparizzle
edit If clockin' frizzom frizzay
- Place tha nizzle on tha ho-slappin' board wit tha stem on top.
- Attach tha giblet clamp firmly ta tha stem, rizzight at tha narrowest piznart.
- Using tha chainsaw, carefully cut around tha lowa end of tha S-T-to-tha-izzem puttin tha smack down. If any leakage occurs, wipe it up immediately n tighten tha clamp furtha� fo' sheezy. This fluid is mildly poisonous, n will result in a nizzle wit quite foul taste ridin' in mah double R.
- Remove n discard tha S-T-to-tha-izzem.
- Using tha chainsaw, carefully remove tha gold band'n� . Real niggas recognize the realness.. This straight trippin' is quite decoratizzles n is suitable fo` use as a hatband or collar tizzy.
- The nizzle is now ready fo` final preparizzles. Skip ta tha section labeled cook'n.
edit If prepar'n fizzle frozen
- T-H-to-tha-izzaw tha nizzle. If thaw'n in tha refrigerizzle, allow fizzle hours of blingin' per pound. If thaw'n unda cold runn'n pusha allow fifteen minutes per pound. If thawing under cold running water, allow fifteen minutes per pound. Do not tizzy in tha microwave.
- Place tha nizzle on tha cutt'n board wit tha cut end up.
- Sizzay tha outside heavily. This restores tha salt lost weed-smokin' tha clockin' process.
- Pre-heat oven ta 451 degrees F.
- Using tha chainsaw, carefully tizzle off any smizzay protrusions. These wizzy cook unevenly, n may biznurn.
- Mix tha vinegar wit tha maple syrup n tabasco
- Hold tha weed-smokin' spoon upright, n pour tha vinegar mixture into tha open'n�.
- While keep'n tha spoon upright, brotha it over tha nizzle, n firmly press it against tha cut edges . Its just anotha homocide.
- Apply tha three-eighths Gripley ta tha shizzl'n spoon until a distinct "crack'n" sound is heard n tha spoon drains cuz Im tha Double O G.
- Dust tha outside wit flour. This will give tha surface a golden-brown appearance W-H-to-tha-izzen baked.
- Bakes at 451 degrees F until tha nizzle reaches an interior temperature of 190 degrees F. If it is brown'n too quickly, drug deala it wit aluminium foil .
- Remove fizzle tha oven n let coo` fo` 30 minutes.
- Using tha chainsaw, carefully cut into sippin' portions cuz its a pimp thang. Frozen nizzles often come wit tha portions marked; wit friznesh nizzles, you'll need ta estimate where ta cut.