HowTo:Shave Your Junk

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Bloink1 solid
It is requested that an image or images be included in this article to improve its quality.
If possible, please add some pictures to make it into a full encyclopedia article and then remove this message. Do not remove this notice until it receives some pictures. Failure to comply will result in this notice being added again.
“Shit. You're not supposed to shave that off, are you?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Shaving one's junk

The Art of Manscaping

Not long after SunTzu had written his Art of war he released a companion piece that has not received as much attention. The Art of Manscaping is still perhaps the most authoritative writing on shaving ones junk however it lacks accessibly to the modern western reader. this is a Guide to Manscaping for the modern man.

edit Why shave down there?

This is probably the first thing that need to be addressed the motivation for shaving ones junk. while there are a number of aesthetic and hygienic reasons to remove some or all of ones pubic covering the most common reason is simple. the less hair you have down there the bigger your Junk will look. Let's face it, You have a small penis. there is no point in denying it, we both know that you are hung like a tic-tac and instead of wasting time with excuses and blaming atmospheric conditions let's see what can be done to Maximize your appearance.

Gorillatrans HowTo 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos

edit Tools of the trade

Women of course have done the most development of hair removal technologies because we all know that no one likes a hairy snatch. but unless you're willing to shell out some cash to have some heavyset broad pour hot wax on your crotch to remove the hair you'll probably want to use a basic Man made shaving tool. that is:


Scissors are good for light trimming or for preparation work. if you've got a lot to trim down or if th you just want to get rid of a little of your Gross Net Follicle (GNF) scissors are handy. Just don't work too fast or you might sever your scrotum

The electric trimmer with detail attachment is great for buzzing and obviously detail work. we'll get into designs later but this is the tool you'll want to use for that sort of thing. And for the whole nine yards a razor should be used.

edit Starting Out

Now you can try getting rid of everything but, that is a pretty big leap to make, you may want to start by leaving a decorative center piece and see how that treats you first. If you've got some spare time in the shower try different shapes and designs see what really brings out the personality of your Special area. There are the standards such as the:

  • Triangle (which you can call the Bermuda triangle or give it your name or come up with your own little moniker)
  • The Square (sometimes called the Front yard or Happy Patch)
  • The line (landings strips are for ladies though)
  • The palm tree (how tropical)

Or if you have a lot to work with and some skill you could try making more complex shapes or even patterns. Be creative ask yourself How cool would it be to make an elephant?

If you do decide to take out the carpet for wood floors. you may want to remove excess Pubage with scissors before using a razor. so that the Razor doesn't become tangled in matted hair.

edit Trouble Areas

You must remember that you're not working with a flat surface so try and pull the surface area taut with one hand and maneuver the razor with the other. Maintaining an erection throughout the session will help facilitate this. perhaps you are thinking that you can avoid difficulty and danger by not using a razor but A electric razor may seem less likely to cut but those little teeth can pinch like a Son of a Bitch so for Sack work and hard to reach areas I'd go with the Razor every time.


Scissors really are only needed the first time or for small jobs unless you let your garden get out of control again.

edit Upkeep

You should be aware that if you choose the wrong length or aren't committed to frequent upkeep there may be a substantial amount of itchiness. So be warned this isn't for everyone.

edit See also

Personal tools
projects