HowTo:Save the World from Evil

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“well I'm not going to do it so you might as well”
~ oscar wilde on world saving.

This is a rough guide to saving the world from the evil forces of darkness; if this never applies to you than count yourself lucky, otherwise you may wish to continue reading, yes? Okay lets cover the basic criteria before we get started.


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edit Do you want to save the World?

Lets face it; you have less than nothing better to do, now me, I have something better to do like charity work; that’s why I’m writing this article, so you can do it for me.

edit Is the World in any Danger?

Twatmobile

this is your mortal enemy; Hate him!

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, is there actually a reason for you to go forth and battle villains? Like say an evil goblin horde? No, ok how about a dark wizard? Not that either eh, Just what in the hell do you kids fight now a days! Global warming; okay that will have to do.

edit Are you the Chosen One?

It really helps! Check for weird birth marks and forgotten royal heritages to ancient kingdoms, another dead giveaway is if all the people in your home town say the same thing over and over but you can never bring yourself to kill them. Also, being an orphan with an unsatisfactory explanation of your parents causes of death increase your chances seven-fold.

edit Getting Started

Okay of you reading this than you answered yes to most or all of the previous questions; that’s good, first off do you have the sword of power? No? Of corse you don’t; what the hell was I thinking, right see that temple about 30 meters from your home village? Yea well it’s filled with all the weakest monsters you will ever meet in your life so just go in there and collect the damn sword, you may ask why (if it is indeed so easy) has no one done this till now, well smart asses don’t get the princess, Chosen one!
Tip

Oh wow did I forget to tell you? Yea at some stage you will rescue the princess; this would be a pour incentive were it not for the fact that this is the only chance you have of getting laid ever.

any how, now that you have fought 16 rooms worth of useless stock monsters you come to the end boss; it’s a giant carbon emission! After you have slain the semi-abstract statistic you will be awarded the sword of power by the great wizard Al Gore the grey (he is so a wizard; how else would he know how to work a scissor lift?) it seems the sword of power is made of hemp fibres which lets face it, is only the second biggest disappointment so far

edit Returning to your Village

You see the burning embers of your once life torn by fate as your home town and everyone you knew have been destroyed by evil forces and in retrospect I realize that I should have mentioned that this might happen (to be fair if you hadn’t sat through Gores 2 hour slide show presentation you would have been here to stop this).

edit Revenge

Now it is that we must part ways for can go no further, fear not for you shall one day defeat global warming and avenge your family and get with the princess (probably). Just remember fondly my parting words “10TH ENEMY HAS THE BOMB”

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