HowTo:Rick Roll Somebody

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Rickrolling.

“The first time I was rick rolled, it was a surprise. The second time, it got old instantly.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Rick Rolling

“Yeah, his complexion is a little fair, considering his dancing.”
~ Captain Understatement on Rickrolling

So you feel like your friends are the hottest people in town, talking about "Starcraft II" this and "Fallout 3" that while all you have to talk about is what you did at school (which is get bullied of course) and the only game that you played which was some Barbie game that your parents got you. Let's face it, your life is dull, boring and meaningless, you know what you need to do? You need to become more popular than you ever were, you need to be hip, cool, edgy; unfortunately, you don't have the money or time to become what you want to be and besides, the way you look; you wouldn't be able to be cool anyways. So what do you do now? Well, show them your coolness by tricking your friends into a site via the usage of "hype" You need to show your friends a video of a gay guy dancing to music; what you need to do is Rick-roll somebody.

edit So what is rick rolling?

AstleyStatue

Perhaps the "marble and chisel method" is a bit too complex for you.

Well, Rick Rolling is a national phenomeon that was invented unknowingly in the 80's by Rick Astley himself as a descendant to rolling a duck down the hill, hence the name. You see. Rick Astley's music video contained what we called dancing for the time and what the producers saw was talent combined with that voice that resembled a gay guy. Basically Rick's dancing was the epicenter of the entire video, cutting out every other man and woman who danced; including that black guy.... Yeah I know! It's a shame, if you look at Rick and Rick only and ignore everyone else in the entire video, you'll see that Rick seriously has the moves; all those other guys are just riding off of Rick's shadow.

Seriously, the video shows him at 3 different angles; left, center, and right. You can clearly see the talent this guy has!; and Rick Astley's beautiful voice you hear during the video makes it sound really, really gay. How gay? well it's gay because there is emotion everywhere, something gay guys have; which makes this video worthy because you're only hearing his soul. Not his voice.

In the early days of Rick Rolling, people first tried to get people to listen to his song through lies and deception by sending it as packages to friends and giving it out to random people on the streets but people were smarter back in the 80's; easily seeing through a plot to get people to play the CD or play the music video that was available on VHS but as years went buy, Al Gore invented the internets; allowing n00bs to be tricked by the rolling of the rick. In mathematical terms it's like...

dancing(music+voice) + \frac{rick astley}{airtime} - (\frac{extras}{importance} \div 0) x tricks(\frac{n00bs}{internets}^2) = lulz

And in essence, making people see the video gives them a certain feeling of regret, disappointment and annoyance. Furthermore, since you are the one actually pulling off the Rick Roll, they will naturally have a hatred against you but don't let it weigh you down; many famous people have been Rick Rolled including Tom Cruise, Scientologists and Starcraft fans.

So know you know everything about Rick Rolling, the only problem is; how are you going to create it? I mean, you know nothing of what they're talking about so it would just come out as gibberish to you. Don't worry, that's what the next section is for; to teach you on how to do a rick roll.

edit How to rick roll

Basically what you need to know is this; you trick them into showing them the video via a link that claims to be something or something I dunno but how are you going to trick them into showing them your video? We can't do it the old fashioned way; you know why?

RickRoll'D03:34

RickRoll'D

That's why! You can see Rick Astley's face, which ruins the entire illusion of a rick roll! I don't want to see Rick Astley's face, it makes it too obvious that I'm going to get rick rolled; so your best bet is to hide it in the form of an HTML address, something like http://www.rickroll.com but seeing as how there's no possible way to do it here, I guess you can't get anywhere[1]. But the more important part is this, how the hell are you going to fool your friends; you never even played a game or used the internet beyond what your parents expect you to use it for. Well have no fear because we can help you! What you should do is this; go to your local game store and buy a lot of games with the $100 bucks you stole from your mother's purse; sure, you will get mocked for being a n00b and be taunted as a n00b on the internet but once you get past that, you now have the information to rick roll anyone, just post on some random forum and say something like "GTA V Gameplay" and work your magic or lack of.

Also, you can give someone up, let them down, run around, desert them, make them cry, say goodbye, tell a lie, and hurt them!

edit Anything Else?

No; that's it... Unless you want to annoy them even more; then in this case, this part's for you. So you feel like you just posted your rick roll and people are calling you pathetic; well they're just jealous of your superiority, you know what you need to do... An advanced rick roll!!! How do you do that you ask? Dunno, but there is a principle of making the windows move and having the lyrics appear 100 times over which makes you ub3r c00l in the sense; a basic diagram of such an advanced rick roll is shown below you.

Rickrolldiagram

But how are you going to pull off something that complex? Simple you ask, by a case of browser hijacking. First off, you have to travel all the way to Iraq and do what they call an exchange, make sure that you don't get hit by the thousands of tanks and guns that are constantly being thrown at you. Once you arrive at Al Qaeda, you'll be forced to give something of value to them; since you don't have anything, you will be forced to give them your soul, you may regret it but at the end but it'll be worth it cause they will give you the tools and you will be on your way to advanced rick rolling.

Next up is the domain name, now since you don't have any money or the consciousness to earn any money, you'll have to beg your mother for an extortionate amount of money; you may get abused in the process, but in the end you'll gain your money and spend it on a domain name but since domain names are pretty expensive; you'll have to go with GoDaddy or something for your own domain name. Make sure that the domain name is different, you don't want to let people know that this is a rick roll isn't it? And lastly, how are you going to pull it together you ask? Well if you follow this mathematical formula, you'll be fine.

domain + rickroll (\frac{video}{ownage}) + (X + hijack(\overbrace{Window+move^4}) + annoyance^2 = satisfaction^5 - a6

                                                                                  \underbrace{ closing\frac{annoyance}{popups}^3 }_{300}

If you take the 4-way and implant it into the domain that you bought and include a message that says "YOU'VE BEEN RICK ROLLED", then you'll be fine and you'll be able to trick people with the class of a 6 year old barely out of preschool.

edit So what now?

Rick Bird

Rickroll in action

What now?, you're obviously going to post your rick roll under a thread called "NEW STARCRAFT II GAMEPLAY VIDEO" under some forum somewhere and if you already did that, congratulations!; you have successfully rick rolled some people. You are now the coolest, hippest, person around and no one; no one can stand up to your awesomeness; in fact, let's see how many people are talking about you.

“GO AWAY! NOBODY CARES ABOUT RICK ASTLEY”
~ Pissed off guy on your rick roll
“liek omg, u r teh b3st3st guy evar. ur rik roll waz so clevar!!!111!!11 looololololloloollol”
~ A n00b on your awesomeness
“This isn't Starcraft II, and I'm going to kill the guy who made this Rick Roll!”
~ A starcraft fan on your rick roll
“Great. I click on the Starcraft link, and this talented singer from the 80's comes up on my computer screen.”
~ Captain Sarcasm on being rick rolled yet again

If you think that these quotes are in some way insulting to you, ignore them. Sure, they might be threatening to kill you but... My god, you look bloody... Anyways, ignore the blood, these guys are worshiping you; they are worshiping you because you are the most awesomest guy ever to have walked the earth. Now that you have mastered rickrolling, why not try something else like getting a job at the local McDonald's so that you can further your career as a chain spammer? Well, wherever your mad machinations will lead you, we wish you luck in your future endeavors. ...pussy....

edit Origins

The art of Rick Rolling was developed in the early 2020 B.C by Ancient Egyptians. It was a masterful skill used by the local gangs and petty thieves as a form of stealing exotic fruits. As the victim succumbs to immeasurable rage and frustration, the thieves are provided with a small window of opportunity to pocket these fruits. However, historians were baffled and astounded by the technological prowess that these ancient Egyptians possessed. The criminals had little trouble in establishing their own wireless private network in which they would use to conduct their Rick Rolling felonies.

However, by the early 300 B.C the use of Rick Rolling diminished as the locals found it more effective to collect their fruits via use of slingshots and other dangerous weaponry. By 0 A.D, Rick Rolling was completely lost and forgotten.

In the early 1900s, remnants of Rick Roll began to re-emerge. With the rise of industrial technology and streamlined communication through mediums such as the steam-train and the printing press, the Roll phenomena began to transpire. By the early 50s, the iconic "Never Gonna Give You Up" was translated into over 245 languages. By the late 80s, with the rise of the Internet, Rick Roll spreaded across the world like a viral infection. World doctors made parallels with it to Mad Cow Disease, a virus so infective, it had the potential to make one in four children cry when exposed.

Today, Rick Roll is a symbol of hope and inspiration to millions around the world. It is seen as a global treasure, one that will be cherished and praised for generations to come.

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