HowTo:Ram your cock down a pipe

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

So you want to ram your cock down a pipe do you? I honestly can't see why you wouldn't. It has become a big sporting event in Venezuela where everybody has at least one cock each. It was invented by the sexually frustrated Harrold Hoffman when he could not afford a plumber. You may want to gather a crowd of gawking spectators when doing this sport. People of all ages find this a fun and fascinating sport (and I cannot agree more).

edit Requirements

Pipe last man standin

Some stages are set up for a last man standing competition

The first thing you'll need is a pipe, otherwise you'll have nothing to ram your cock down. It had better be of a suitable diameter, otherwise your cock may not fit and thus stopping your plans for fun and exercise. The best pipes are smooth and slippery inside . If your pipe has barbed wire inside or is coated in Hydrochloric acid, it may be better to start off with an easier pipe. You can work yourself up to that stage.

Then you'll need a cock, otherwise you'll have nothing to ram down a pipe. It is advised that you use your own. A wild cock may be somewhat difficult to catch, and stealing someone else's will have added complications. If you don't have your own, you may have to borrow somebody else's, but make sure you ask their permission first.

Gawping crowd

A Gawping Crowd will egg you on if you are not feeling confident

The last thing you need is a large audience. The surrounding mob of bodies will allow you to revel in your glory as you ram your magnificent cock down the pipe of your dreams. You may have better luck if at first you tell the audience that you are doing a magic trick. It will make the audience appreciate your stunt more if they are taken completely off guard.

edit Safety precautions

I would suggest wearing goggles, along with some form of protection for the cock, unless you want it to come out rubbed and raw. A hard hat or helmet may be needed to keep your cock's head safe. If your cock usually lets out fluids in inappropriate times, you may need to stick it into a rubber bag. You can get them in all restaurant male toilets. You must make sure your audience stands at least ten feet waqy from you as people have been known to be smashed in the face when the rammer starts flailing their arms.

edit How to get started

Firstly you need to excite your cock so that it will no longer squirm around and get stuck in the pipe. That would be embarrassing. Especially if you gathered a gawping crowd. You could watch a video of chicks and cocks while rubbing it, that should work perfectly for what you want. Now you should attach your protection and make sure your cock is not frightened.

There are several ways to 'step your game up' and enhance your play, as you could add turbo boosters to your cock to make it rocket powered. A taser could make your cock more lively, although it may be too frightened to carry on. Spikes or repetetive beating with sticks is not advised.

edit Ramming

When you begin your penetration into the pipe, make sure that you are aiming correctly. If you miss the pipe it may become a bit awkward. People might ask you why you have your cock out in public. Be sure to rub your cock up and down, or you may not generate enough excitement in it for you to squirt. Did I say squirt? I meant win. Applying lubricant may be necessary to stop unsightly sores from appearing on your cock. Then it'll never get the chicks.

Once in, thrust your cock in and out until it spurts foul smelling liquid. This is absolutely normal. You may want to take it out at this point and check if it's okay. Once your cock has recovered you can repeat the action to your hearts content. When finished put your cock in your trousers and leave the scene before the police are called.

edit Conclusion


it's just an innocent cockerel

And that ladies and gentlemen, is how you ram a cockerel down a pipe... Why have you got your dick out?

Personal tools