HowTo:Protect Yourself From Unpleasant Giant Piranhas

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HappyMonkeyWritingConstest2010
This article is part of Happymonkey's August 2010 Writing Contest! Please refrain from editing.
BigFishy

...and that piranha is just a baby

So there you are, taking a nice, calm, soothing, well needed boat ride in the middle of the ocean. You look up into the sky, you see a cloud, it in the shape of a butterfly! How adorable. You look beside you, and your pet monkey bob isn't hurling his poo at you like usual! Nothing could make this day better, but then you feel a bump under your boat. This was awkward, you bend over to look at what it was. All of a sudden, A UNPLEASANT GIANT PIRANHA jumps out of the water and eats your monkey! You scream "Bob! NOOOOOOOO!", but he is gone. You begin to wounder what just happened, mainly because they don't inhabit the ocean, second....it was HUGE! However while you were thinking of this another jumped and ate half of your boat, the part with the sail (yes you are stupid enough to ride a sail boat into the middle of the ocean). Now your sinking into the gain piranha infected water, unpleasantly. You see your sad an pathetic life pass before your eyes, and while doing that they ate your emergency life raft, one again, nice going.

By the time your done watching the worst horror movie ever, your already treading water and these unpleasant giants are circling you. You think, why, how, and even what, what could I have done to stop this! Well, you should have read this article, because this article explains how to avoid these terrifyingly unpleasant situations. Oh and while you were thinking of that, you got eaten, sucks to be you, now you have to read this.

edit Knowing what your dealing with

So, you want to make sure your not the next victim of a giant unpleasant piranha attack? Well, it ain't a simple thing, fact is, giant unpleasant piranhas are actually the leading cause of deaths in the Bermuda Triangle.


Piranha

OMFG! Look at the beautiful sunset!

Petty

This is a pimp plant on crack, and those are his whores. Although it may be a scary piranha, it is not an Unpleasant Giant Piranha

So first things first. A giant piranha looks like the picture on the right. The picture on the left may also be a type of piranha, but you can kill that one with a talking portable water-hose, or rapidly pressing B. On the other hand the one on the right is nearly impossible to kill. In fact, if you see one, just grab the chick beside you[1] and well, do what you've always dreamed of.

Now one thing to keep in mind is that they actually mostly inhabit the amazon, and that in the story, the person [2] was piss drunk and actually hallucinated the whole thing.

edit Facts that were actually eaten by Piranha's

  1. of course there isn't one, but hypothetically speaking
  2. Which was actually you if you think of it.
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