HowTo:Piss off a Foreigner
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Step 1:Distinguishing a foreigner
This step shouldn't be too hard, as they are everywhere. You can disginuish a foreigner by asking yourself the following questions:
- Is the person in question white?
- Do they speak your dialect with a perfect accent?
- Do they look like they belong in some kind of minority ghetto?
If the answer to any of these questions is NO, then they are most likely a foreigner. And now that you've distinguished a foreigner, you may now proceed to piss them off. Make sure you choose you target wisely; choosing a black guy or a Mexican may result in him shooting you, choosing a Muslim may result in an airplane being flown into your house, and choosing an American will result in some sort of patriotic rant. You have been warned.
Step 2:Prepareyou grew up in, these immigrants tend to flock to ghettos because of the affordable prices and the fact that cops are less active here. You should bring some sort of weapon to protect yourself with, as it is likely you won't be able to fend them off with fists alone. Due to having grown up in the ghetto, their bodies are honed for combat; toughened but often crudely refined with things like tatoos and scars littered across. Despite not having professional practice, though, they can still "Fuck a cracka up" (in gangster lingo) when they feel threatened.
Another smart thing to do is to travel with a group. After all, a famous philosopher (white, of course) once said, "There's power in numbers." Make sure to pick a group of people that shares the same ideology as you, though. Niggers make terrible companions, after all.
Step 3:Decide what's you'll do
There are several ways to go about this, as foreigners are easily offended and thus easy to manipulate to your whim. Below are three fairly good methods to try out. It is recommended that the reader start with the first method and work their way up to more drastic measures for maximum effect.
The "Generally I Think My People Are Better Than Your People" way
Highly common on the internet, these people tend to, as the title suggests, generally dislike other races and think they have a logical reason to believe that their ethnicity/country of origin is best. Typical statements vary from "Well, statistics show that around the world, white people are as a whole more educated than niggers,' to "Without Britain, there wouldn't even be an America you twat!" If you want to harass some foreigners on the internet, this is the way to go.
The "White America" wayAmerican way to offend a minority is to make up a word that describes said ethnic group in a derogatory way, and then proceed to use it against them along with phrases such as "Get out of our country!" or "We don't want your kind here!" Make sure to point out their funny accents and shove them a little for emphasis. A less common method is to lynch them, but this had fallen out of popular use in the modern day.
The "Nazi Douchebag" way
You don't just dislike immigrants, you have almost a righteous fury towards them. The Nazi method involves more extreme methods than the typical patriotic riot, often including rioting and/or firebombing houses. While technically it is not illegal, this method is not recommended for neophytes as the method requires a higher level of hatred for immigrants. One Method is using your mustache as a threat towards their society.In other words "Use A Condom.
Step 4: Commencemethod, it's time to go use it. A recommended target would be that
<insert name here>: Hey, you!
Armenian: Oh! Yes, neighbor?
<insert name here>: Yeah, you! I just wanted you to know that I Generally Think That My People Are Better Than Your People!
Armenian: I beg your pardon?
(You've said your piece, now get out of there)!
<insert name here>: (runs away, making sure you give him a good glaring as you do so)
Step 5: Building up
Now, you've already shown the Armenian what you think of him invading your country, but unless you keep at it the filthy degenerate will never truly understand your pain. Now it's time to step it up a notch--it's time to get name-calling.
<insert name here>: Hey! ARSEmenian!
Armenian: Oh! Hello again, neighbor!
<insert name here>: Don't you talk to me, ArseMENian! As in, I like MEN'S ARSES-ian!
Armenian: I don't quite understand. What is "arse?"
(Denial, huh? You're getting to him--keep at it!)
<insert name here>:Pfffffbbbbbt!
Great, you really got him that time. A career in racism looks promising for you!
Step 6: Firebomb his houselogical thing to do at this stage is to firebomb his house. You will need more than a sharp wit for this; it actually requires some manual labor best left to those black slaves you have stored in your basement. You'll need them to to throw the bombs for you.
Now, you really want to show him what it means to not be white. For this, you'll want a minimum of about 57 bombs, one for each time he's offended you. Make sure he's not home, so they can't convict you for murder. Now go, do your country proud!
Step 7: On the run
Looks like the police have caught up to you and your antics. The bastards searched your home, confiscated your firearms (a direct violation of the 2nd amendment!), and even went so far as to set free your slaves! Truly, this is what happens when liberals are left in charge of the government. Now you're on the run, and some guy named John Walsh presented you on a show called "America's Most Wanted." He must be pretty good, to have figured out that you have contacts in all Southern states and could be in any one of them. Now you've lost everything, and it's all because of the Armenian guy! How dare he tell the police on you, you, who did your country a great service by removing a contaminated household. But on the bright side, now you're free, free as a bird! Enjoy the feel of the wind against your shaven head, the sound of your Confederate flag waving above your truck; the whiplash as the cops following you ram your car into a ditch. Oh dear.
Step 8: You got arrested
You got arrested. The nigger-loving judge charged you for Harassment, Possecion of Illegal Firearms, Possecion of Slaves, Destruction of Property, and Generally Being a Dick. And for good reason. You harassed an innocent foreigner, illegally obtained a huge stash of AK-47s, held slaves, and destroyed the man's house. You tell the judge fuck off nigger tits. cody runs this rep.
|Featured HowTo: Article|