HowTo:Order fast food properly

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Are you hungry? Looking for cheap sustinance before you perish, to feed you during a 79-hour WoW session? Thinking maybe... McDonald's or the like?

Obtaining fast food can be done by anyone, but these skills will separate you from the fast f00d n00bs out there and make you a shining example to the preparers of your food of what a great customer experience.

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edit Drive Thru

  • When approaching the drive through, first be sure to have your music playing as loud as possible to alert the staff that you have arrived. This works especially well during third shift, or during shift changes.
  • When you reach the Order-taking-intercom-device(SM), you will usually be greeted with a statement like "May I take your order?". It's nice if you ask them to repeat, especially if you have not yet turned down the volume of your music.
  • Afterward, ask for a moment to think about your order. This time is best used staring directly into the menu board for about ten minutes, as if the menu has not been the same for fifty years. Periodically, you will be asked if you are yet ready. If so, simply ask for more time.
  • When you are finally ready to order, remember, QUANTITY IS KING! Order as many items as your expendable money will allow.
    • Side note: It is greatly appreciated if you specially order each item differently. For example:
"Let me get ten double cheeseburgers, two with no onions, two plain, one with Mac sauce and lettuce, 
two with extra pickles, one without meat, one without cheese, and one with extra sandwich wrapper,
two large fries, one without salt, and a diet Coke"
  • While you are being read your order, interrupt frequently, and even change your mind a few times.
  • Next, you are usually prompted to go the next window to pay. Hesitate. Mosey upwards and stop past the window,so that you must open your car door and walk to the window with your money.
  • NOTE: If you are bold, you can drive away now.
    • Make sure to never have exact change. If the total is $25.37, give them fifty dollars in nickels.
    • If you are using a credit card, make sure it cannot be swiped through either card reader in the restaurant.
    • Three words: EXPIRED GIFT CERTIFICATES
  • When you pull forward to retrieve your food, be sure to have the biggest frown smile on your face, and stare awkwardly into the window.
  • When you are handed your bags, look inside them and state that there is something missing. It is always a pleasure for fast food joint employees to look for missing sandwiches.
    • Or taste a fry and complain about their temperature or salt content.
  • Continuously dropping condiments passed to you is also a plus.
  • Seem to drive away, but park on the far corner of the parking lot, swap receipts with your partner who was positioned there earlier, and share with management that your order was completely wrong and ask for more food or a refund.

edit Front Counter

  • Preparation for this type of transaction is the most important part, since not only do you have to order food, but you have to be seen by the cashiers, so DRESS FOR SUCK CESS SUCCESS!
    • Remember, they love to see your.... I'm not finishing this one
  • When approaching the front counter, stand back, far enough back that you are not immediately served, but close enough for other customers to think you are being served.
  • Be sure to ask for something not stated on the menu, or change the physical properties of an existing sandwich. Take this example taken from an actual McDonald's grill slip:
1     HAMBURGER
          PLAIN
   W/O   REG MT
   WITH    MAYO
   WITH    MAYO
         TOMATO
           LEAF
         BACON2
   ON A  QTRBUN
   LIGHT SONION
    • Pretty much I this guy, changed a hamburger into a motherfucking BLT, and now YOU CAN TOO!
  • Be sure to question intently the size in ounces of all the drink cup sizes.
  • It's also a plus to make a total mess of the drink fountains
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