HowTo:Make the US follow the Kyoto protocol without their permission

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[edit] Or: 'How to piss off Bush in 10 easy steps' by I. P. Freeley

This isn't exactly a normal Uncyclopedia entry, but then it's not entirely serious eithier, maybe it should be in Rantopedia?


[edit] The Problem

  1. Unless we stop pumping CO2 and other green houses gases into the atmosphere the the polar ice caps will melt. That would mean that:
    1. East Anglia will drown. (Yay!)
    2. Holland will drown. (Boo! Yay!)
    3. Canada will melt and be gone. (Yay!)
    4. United States will lose the 50% of their population that lives near or below sea level. (No No Orleans v3, no escape.) (Yay! Hopefully they'll all die.)
    5. Polar Bears will flourish due to additional food, much like they have since the trans-Alaska pipeline increased Carribou populations. Thousands that live on former tundra will be eaten. (Yay?)
    6. Seal populations will increase in Canada, giving the few survivors of point 3 more opportunity to kill all those poor irritating baby seals. (Bastards! Yay!)
  2. Bush and his Big Oil bankrollers refuse to do anything about this.
  3. ???
  4. Don't wanna
  5. The last guy said he would
  6. Not Profit.


[edit] The Solution (Aka: "Things to do List")

  1. Agree on a set reduction for global CO2 emmisions. Done
  2. Impliment emissions trading.
  3. Work out the "cost" of releasing 1 Kg of CO2.
  4. Work out Total US Carbon emissions for the last year. Done
  5. Work out Total US export value for the last year. Done
  6. Find (Total US CO2 emmisions*Cost of CO2 emmisions)/Total US exports. Remember this number for future reference.
  7. Get the rest of the world to agree to add a tariff to all imports from the US equal to the figure obtained in point 6.
  8. Mandate that this money is used to buy carbon credits on the open market at the time of import to offset the US's insistence on classing SUVs as "trucks" and burying their heads in the sand.
  9. Make the last guy that said he'd do it really do it this time.
  10. Profit.
Tip

The cost can be found by using the market (yes I said the market) with emissions trading.

Tip

The UN or an international treaty is a good way to achieve this.

[edit] The Benefits

  1. We don't drown.
  2. It seriously will piss off Bush and he won't be able to do a thing about it!
  3. 3rd World countries suddenly get a massive reason to reduce carbon emmisions. (The US will bankroll the carbon trading.)
  4. East Anglia will still be above water. (Oh well you win some, you lose some.)
  5. Hopefully New Orleans won't drown. (Again.)
  6. ???
  7. Profit.
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