HowTo:Make a Vlog
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Are you lonely? Do you have no friends and therefore have lots of free time? Do you have the unspeakable urge to spout angry rants regarding politics, spiritualism, or life altogether? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then vlogging is just the thing to make your sad, pathetic life a tad more interesting. A few simple steps is all it takes for you to begin your vlogging experience, and soon, vlogging will give you the confidence you need to finally leave your basement.
| HowTo |
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
edit Vlogging Basics
edit What is vlogging?
Vlog (pronounced vlog) is a shortened term for the commonly known “video blog”. A digital camera, capable of transferring video and sound to a computer, is used by the vlogger to film his/her self talking about various topics. The video is then placed on the internet for anyone to view. so usually the audience does not know the vlogger. You could think of a vlog as a video journal that anyone can see or just a way for nerds to engage themselves in social discussion without the risk of encountering physical contact or a relative closeness to members of the opposite sex. sometimes people create vlogs that are not intended to go so far as the internet, and keep them on his/hers computer/laptop/tablet.
edit Usefulness of a Vlog
For some a vlog is a window to the outside world, allowing them to feel as if they are normal human beings. For others it is a way to yell angrily about topics in which they know little to nothing about. Still others use vlogging to draw sympathy to their plight of nerdiness, aversion to people, or struggle with agoraphobia. All in all, however, a vlog has no real purpose on the internet other than crowding server space and bothering sane video viewers.
edit Getting Started
Now that you’re familiar with the basics of making your own video blog, lets get down to actually producing it – you loser!
edit Step One: Equipment
Obviously, in order to film yourself talking about strange topics, you’re going to need to acquire means of filming yourself. There are many options available to you and it is very important that you consider all of them when choosing your camera and other equipment; after all, this is your only social outlet!
The camera is the principal tool used when capturing video and is regarded by many as the only tool that can be used to capture video. Any camera can be used to vlog; even a camera from a cellular device. But remember that a good vlog contains superb video quality and a sharp, crisp sound. It’s of the up-most importance that everyone who views your video be able to view your fat, unshaven face in perfect clarity and hear your strange, pre-pubescent voice lucidly. Keep these thoughts in mind when choosing your camera.
It’s very important that you have access to a working computer that is capable of using the internet. Wait, if you didn’t have access to a computer, then how would you be reading this? I suppose you could just use the computer you’re on now, or if this one is inconvenient to use (or is just loaded with tons of pornographic ad-ware), you could go find another one.
edit Step Two: Vlog Topic
A crucial question to ask yourself: what are you going to talk about? A variety of topics can be considered. Perhaps you would like to enlighten others with information on your World of Warcraft character. You could talk about your lack of a sex life, relate to others your unexciting day, or even discuss your twisted childhood in which your father molested you and beat your mother at the same time. You might even decide it is best to divulge the things that your “demon voices” say to you in your sleep. Remember though, you should always pick a topic that you associate with well, and, of course, speak your mind!
edit Step Three: Record Your Vlog
Now that your topic is chosen, you’re going to start recording your First Amendment masterpiece. There’s no script needed, so you can put away those cue cards. Just grab your camera and start rambling on about your topic. You can film anywhere; you could film yourself while in front of your computer, eating your breakfast, or having your before-bed crap. After you’re done, save your video and upload it onto your computer.
edit Optional Step: Vlog Extras
If you’d like, you can optimize your vlog for the viewing pleasure of your audience. You could add a title screen with your name and a summary of the topic you’ve chosen. For example:
Why I like emo chicks
Also, if you feel it to be pertinent, you can add your favorite Dragonforce or Coheed and Cambria track to your piece. It’s entirely your prerogative.
edit Step Four: Upload Your Vlog
The most important step of all; uploading your video! How else could you show your sad, strange thoughts to the world without the power of the internet? An obvious internet outlet for your vlog is YouTube.com. It’s a site that’s filled with so much crap that your video, when added to the mix, would only minutely affect the overall weirdness of content. If you haven’t created a YouTube account by now then you should definitely do so. Not only will it allow you to show your videos to the world, but you will be able to see thousands of other desperate video bloggers like yourself!
edit Your New Vlog
Now that you’ve posted your video blog, all that’s left is to marvel at the two hundred people that viewed your crazy rant. And just think, that’s more people than you’ve actually talked to in your entire life! Well Mr./Mrs. Popular, let’s review some of the things we talked about and then look at some fine examples of vlogging technique.
Good equipment is great, but not necessary. It adds a nice touch when you can count the pimples on your face though.
Talking about politics is boring. Spice it up with a conversation about your fantasy gang-bang with Lance Bass and Babs Bunny.
Anytime’s a good time to record, and don’t forget it! Make sure your video isn’t obscene though…
YouTubers love watching stupid people like you yack about stuff. Well, not really love. It’s more like, “love…to make fun of”.
edit Final Note
If even the task of vlogging strikes you as much too social and you'd like to find a less socially challenging way to make your way out of your mother's basement you can always try writing Uncyclopedia articles.