HowTo:Make a Horrible Article
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“ 50% fun, 50% malaria, but mostly Malaria.”
“ I could see the AIDs in the water!”
“Don't worry we will have Lots of fun here Right!”
Camp Refugee(Kamp Ref-U-Gee,not to be confused with Camp Refuge or hell) was founded in 2005 by the United Nations evil cousin The UnUnited Nations of...uh Evilness and ever since then campers have been " happily " playing games and activities created by us.We got several awards like The Geneva Convention for most inhumane place ever in existence ,just behind Guantanamo Bay and Hell by God but they're just haterz. Joining Camp refuge is a commitment and a once-in-a-lifetime experience in fact it will be the last thing you will ever do.Come join us for all this fun-filled excitement, Heck we will literally fill you with fun!
Camp Refugee was founded in
1945 1985 yesterday by a group of former Meglomaniacs called United Nations Iranian Freedom Fighters named Steve and Al-Jazeera Abdul. They met at a hotel and Abdul said " Wanna start a summer camp ?" and Steve replied "Sure why not". At the beginning it was fun until Republicans and Nazi war heroes criminals came calling for a place to stay so Steve and Abdul allowed them to stay only if they lend a helping hand. Until Years later they overstayed their welcome and the helping hand became a whipping hand and then into a shooting hand. Steve and Abdul saw all the evil things that had begun and their response was to simply put their hands in their pockets and walk away whistling. Ever since then the camp is now considered hell to all who come - even Satan himself doesn't dare step on the welcome mat of Camp Refugee.
edit Camp Activities
There many camp fun-filled activities ranging from circumcisions to contracting AIDs. Here's a full list below.
- Build-an-AK - this is the best activity as you get to strip down an AK and rebuild it in five seconds. How fun is that! Losers get executed. Winners get to execute the losers with their Aks.
- Relay races' thru lakes full of piranhas and landmines! - Is your little camper competitive? Well if (s)he is then send him down to Camp Refuge to race thru 200 kilometers of malaria-filled water, piranhas, and touch-activated land mines used in WW2! How fun is that! Winners get a good job sticker and losers get their left hands chopped off and pushed into the lake.
- Who can run faster from a cheetah in 179 degrees thru the Sahara - A little bit different from Relay races thru lakes full of piranhas and landmines. This run requires strength and teamwork as four teams of campers, wearing fresh beef on their backs try to run away from Cheetahs in 179 degrees of skin burning Sun thru the Sahara. How fun is that! Losers are left to die in the Desert. Winners...winners what winners.
- Circumcise - This is for boys only as it requires skill, precision, and Penis. Boys must race against time to see who can cut the outer layer of skin with a machete around there penis with there eyes close for competitive reasons. First one to bleed is disqualified.
- Hunter - This one is for your little hunter as the camper is put on either HUNTER or GAME. Hunters have guns with real bullets, GPSs, and survival kits,GAME have bright yellow shirts that never get stained, a stick that says GPS, and if they get hurt, they have butter knife to amputate the limb! Winners get to eat the other team for Dinner. Losers are tenderized. Who do you think is going to win?
- Scavenger hunt - this is a rather simple game as all participants are given fast acting Aids or HIV and must find the vaccine before time runs out. How much fucking fun is that!Hint:There aren't any vaccines
- Hot grenade - Just like the original game of Hot potato, But this is with 10 people and a grenade that is time for 10 seconds before blowing up and killing all ten players. How fun is that!
- Wild animals - You might of guess by the name, WRONG! This game is just like Hunter except that the arena is a cage full of hungry lions and Michael Moore who aren't in a very happy mood. The key to the game is to find an actual key to open the door to the cage and get out alive, guess where the key is at...in the Lions stomach. How fun is that!
- Movie night - here at Camp Refugee after we are the done playing fun activities we relax and watch fun movies such as ten hours of watching the DirectTV help channel, yahhhhh. If you don't find this movies suitable for your child you can always
Go fuck yourself andwatch something else!
At Camp Refugee we have a ton of sports to play.All of them are unique and made by us for your child. Our games are full-contact, played naked and are super-duper quadruper FUN !!!!!!+Plus+ it's cool.
edit Football w/grenades
Football with grenades that explode if they touch the ground or people.Tryouts begin next Tuesday.
edit Soccer with guns
Very simple soccer inspired by Mexican Cartels. Two teams of sixteen play against each other to get goals or points, but there is a twist to it, all teams get killed at the end regardless if they win or lose. Tryouts begin now.
edit Hockey with Nazis
Its has the same rules as regular Canadian Hockey except that one team is unarmed, naked,and Jewish. The other is full of Nazis with Machine Guns. Unlike Regular Hockey which is played in warm climate this form of Hockey is played in the freezing Mountains of Canada's Applebeemojocochocabeer Mountains not because of the inhospitable climate (-61 below zero) that the naked campers have to play in, but because the Nazis like to play in the snow and build Snow Nazis from time to time.Tryouts begin right about.......now.
Regular Handball nothing to it.
edit Extreme Courage
Remember when your Overweight hermaphrodite Coach told you that you need to get those jaks from the other team? We Remember. Anyway, this form of courage ain't nothing like the one you played with your
pedo. This time you use real Guns, Real military vehicles and real military duties. Two Teams armed with Military-Grade weapons and vehicles are too capture seven POWs instead of Jaks. Each player is assigned a duty such as Pilot, Leader, Grunt, Sniper, Demolition, Engineer, Commando, and Medic in a real-life warzone. Training begins immediately whether you like it or not dirt-bag!
edit Baseball X
You watch an entire game of Baseball instead of playing it. AHHHH MY EYES!
edit Basketball w/Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't play Basketball with you he just allows you to lose! Tryouts are pointless.
edit Emo's playing rugby
An entire hour of Emo's playing Rugby. Well, that's pretty dumb when all you see, hear,and taste is stuff about slitting wrists and how his/hers/its story of how Grandpa fuc..did nasty things to them. Tryouts begin whenever you want them to begin - like it really matters.
edit How to Join a sport
that your child will fail at
Simply sign your child(s) rights to Us and along with a form stating that you will not press charges if (s)he is missing half their body. Then take him/her/it to Us and we will discuss it with your child in a quiet sound-proof room with this guy to
discuss legal stuff play with the lil' children and discuss very "legal" terms with him/her.
Note: joining a sport is mandatory. This text is written super small so you won't see it. Sense you don't see It I am going to tell you that you are a retarded homosexual rent-a-gym teacher that watches all the children while they change into there gym clothes. Wait can you see this?
edit How to Join
You're reading all of this and you say " WOW! all this is super-duper fun. I want to play in malaria-filled water while crocodiles tear us to shreds that sounds like a blast!". Well, first you must contact us through our hotline 555-555-5555 or JoinCampRefugeeordie.com. Next, wait five seconds for our brochure to come. Then you have to trek your way all the way towards a checkpoint. Lastly buy a jackass (not a donkey) to ride you all the way to Camp Refugee! have fun!!! If you're rich you can just teleport over here.
edit Rules and Regulations
Rules are what keeps kids safe and regulations are what keeps kids quiet.
- *No fun what-so-ever. Consequence - Death by hanging.
- *No laughter. Consequence - private session with Michael Jackson,that will keep you quiet.
- *No signs of individuality. Consequence - dragging.
- *No toys or games. Consequence - Buried alive with your toys.
- *No crying. Consequence -Drowned in a pool of gasoline and lit up with a match.
- *No involving a parent. Consequence - Your mom.
- Lastly no fighting back. Consequence - Time out in hell hahahahaha.
- *1-All campers must follow all rules and be a stereotype or burnt alive.
- *2-All campers must not show fear or we will bury alive.
- *3-All campers are subject to but not limited to killing, rape, war rape, hogtieing, burning, burning at the stake, torture, testing laser-guided bomb testings for Al-Qaida, executions, and random throwing of grenades in cabins. Oh did I mention burning
- *4-Have fun or asphixiated.
Camp Refugees staff are highly-trained
at raping and molesting innocent children, then burying their bodies in the Great Rift valley and prepared for emergencies that involve locking the door on the campers while their cabin is burning down. And remember our staff is not responsible for anything for your child being sent home in a body bag...wait that still is humane. In a box.
Our staff are divided into three groups. Councilers,Good ActivitY teachers, and
homosexuals, Friendship Captains.
The role of the councilers is to persuade the campers to feel safe here. I think?
- Freddy Krueger - is a very responsible counciler as he enters the dreams of sorrowful campers and
kills themfinds their fears or bad memory. And literally kills it. He loved by all the campers because he forces them to like him or he will cut their necks off
- Michael Myers - Is a very friendly individual
we thinkand is very helpful. He is always there for the campers. Like if they need help setting the nerds on fire
- Jose Guevarro - Pretty laid-back Mexican guy with the funny accent. Served in Afghanistan for two hours.
edit Gay teachers
There name stands for Great ActivitY teacher. And are supposed to be the coaches and Role Models of the little wonderful campers
until they die or something.
- Michael Jackson - He is very helpful to all students and never misses a day of work. He is there for all campers, especially if they are little boys! Michael Jackson started his own club on our grounds called The Come stay with me in dark Closet with tape around your mouth and your hands cuffed while your pants are down. Ages 6 - 14. (Note:I am talking about the white MJ, not the black MJ because the black MJ was cool)
- Dick Cheney- is the strong character here and a possible role-model for all campers. One little
prisonercamper told him "Dick, I want to be you when I grow up". Dick Cheney replied "When is that?"
They lead our camp to holiness even through every single one of us is going straight to hell.
- Captain Crunch - is a well loved captain who is a former Navy-Officer and even a Pirate-Ninja. He tells stories to all the campers about how he cut open a guy's neck with a toothpick or like the time he
raped a small Asian girl in the ass for just looking at him.helped save two lost sailors in the Atlantic.
- Captain Obvious - He is the most loved and full of character person. Obviously.
- Captain America - loves all the campers except the Arabian, Japanese, German especially, Chinese,Blacks, Jews, Muslims, Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, CallofDuty players, Ps3 owners, My mom, your mom ,my other mom, This guy,Red Links, Red Links, Katy Perry and The Black Eye Peas and did I mention any country who lives outside U.S Borders will die!
- R.Lee Ermey - Is a very calm, patient, and respectful captain who doesn't ask for much and would rather feed the children than play as a ex-marine veteran in some show about the military.
edit Open Job Positions
So you send your kid to Camp Refugee now you want to go and play with us.Simply sign this form
- 1.Age -
- 2.Date of Birth -
- 3.date of Death -
- 4.Are you rapible? -
- 5.Have you ever been in the rape police? -
- 6.Do you have any contact with your parents, friends, nieghbors, emergency services, military? -
- 7.Gender -
- 8.Do you enjoy killing innocent kids without remorse? -
oh and yeah, your going to hell!
Are lines are open all the time so feel free to call us any day from Dusk to Rammada.
edit Health and sanitary issues
Here at Camp Refugee we are very concerned about the health of are staff and maybe the campers. We take great care to assure that our staff meet the highest of sanitary and health checks and that our campers are as healthy as a plaque ridden rat horse. We never take every health test to see if our campers are super-healthy and we feed the campers shit everyday for free if you watch are finest Goatse, but if you didn't you have to pay $10.00 every month. The food we eat is almost never clean and sanitary.Our kitchens and messhalls are filled with roaches, ticks,and rotting bodies but sometimes we clean which is almost never. Our Cooks and Chefs are homeless people looking for a job and are very impolite and mild-mannered well.The main food we eat is shit and rotting fruits, vegetables, and meats. If a camper gets sick we let them die in a ditch or try to give them medicine in the form of weed and herbs from the area around the nuclear power plant with the radiation leaking around the area, especially around the polluted lake.
edit Bathrooms and Shower rooms
Here at Camp Refugee we have six restrooms and shower rooms, the bathrooms are filled with shit on the floor and sometimes clean and the girls bathroom has cameras so are teenage staff could masturbate because it's boring here at Camp Refugee showers are split into Boys and girls usually. The boys shower room contains condoms, dildoes, vibrators and maybe soap and shampoo. The girls shower room contains tampons and maxi-pads for accidents and maybe soap and conditioner as well as a passage so the boys can sneak in and have sex with them in a bathroom. All shower rooms contain lockers with secret places where you can keep weed and condoms and are kept private from the staff most of the time and are filled with cameras,especially in the girls shower room and did I mention that if someone makes fun of another person's private area that you are supposed to make fun of him or her for it being too small or tiny, trust me it'salmost never against the rules unless he as a big penis then it's bad.
You can just skip this as there is Nothing wrong with our camp. except the fact that our camp was blamed for the multiple rapes and deaths by our sick-minded activities and evil staff by the United Nations. The UN states that we are the number one reason for 9/10's of all the worlds deaths. It's not like we just want your money so we can see your kids get killed and raped.RIGHT. Want Controversy? There is no such thing as controversy. Controversy is just a lie by the government to get your money to buy controversial stuff. So do you want to waste your paycheck on that controversy when you can buy that new game Skyrim?
Our rivals are the
cliched type rich kids across the lake. Their camp is called Camp Fuck You Die and beat us at everything with their guns and powerful speeches. But if you join today and I mean today - not tomorrow, bitch We might have a chance at beating them. So if you do want to help us send us some money but if you really want to help, get us some Military-Grade Kevlar, a couple of Drum-fed Aks with grenade launchers, and some chocolate Twinkies. Trust me - this would really help us A LOT ! Don't worry about how you get them just worry about how you get them to us!
We are happily welcomed to have you here at our concentration camp and we hope that you bring your family, friends, neighbors, and some guys kids Ages 1-18 to us
not so we can kill them or anything. Camp Refugee has been paved in blood, sweat and tears of children for over a century now. We can spread our ideas of raping, torturing and killing children for the hell of it, but we need your help to do this. If you want to spread our camp ideas across all of the world call us at our hotline 555-555-5555 or visit us at joincamprefugeeordie.com." Remember at Camp Refugee we are proud to serve everyone and everybody who wants to kill kids " And we will have fun forever..and..forever..and..forever....