HowTo:Mail a Letter
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Nah, I need new socks! I'm down to a few pairs myself...
Oh, god, I've got to mail her a letter saying thanks now, don't I.
Step 1: Write the LetterDear Jennifer,
Thank you very much for your gift of a three-pack of socks. They will be very helpful in keeping my feet warm, which is a very important quality in modern society. You have made my birthday all the more pleasant.
God, I hate her so damn much.
Step 2: Find an EnvelopeAlright, I just bought a box of these, like, a month ago. I couldn't've gone through a hundred in a month. Where the hell is it...
That's not it... Nope. Nope. No--
Why do I have square envelopes? When would I use square envelopes?
I gotta clean this drawer out some--
ah, okay. Yeah, I knew I had a box of these somewhere.
Step 3: Write the AddressJennifer Conroy, 213 Winter-- or is it 123? 312? Where's the phone book?
Okay, 132 Winter Street, Ludlow-- Street? Is it street?
Dammit, I closed the phone book.
Conroy, Conroy, Conroyyy...
Road. Great. 132 Winter Road, Ludlow, MA, 01056.
Dammit, return address.
Richard Timber, 61 Costal Street, Ludlow, MA, 01056... okay. Fine.
Step 4: Find a StampWhere are my stamps? I could've sworn I had some.
Are they with the envelopes, or...
No. I have no stamps. Dammit.
I never talk to her anyway. I could just blow her off and not lose anything of value.
Ah, fine, whatever.
Step 5: Buy a StampWhat the hell do you mean I can't buy one?
I just want one! I don't need twenty!
Well, how much is it?
$8.20?! ...Fine! Just... here.
Oh, yeah, have a nice go fuck yourself.
Step 6: Affix the StampHad to buy twenty of these stupid forever stupid fucking stamps... I--
...fuck. Other way... it...
Step 7: Find another Envelope
Where the hell did I put the box?
Hell, I'll settle for those square ones again.
Step 8: Write the Address AgainJennifer Conroy, 132 Winter Road, Ludlow, MA, 01065--
Shit in a goddamned hat.
You know what, she's a bitch. She can go to hell for all I care. Who buys a guy a three-pack of socks for his motherfucking birthday? Just...
Fuck it, I'll call her.
- Seriously, just get me a gift card to Old Navy or something
- That's better than socks, man
- Where the hell did the socks go, anyway?