HowTo:Google

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Need answers for your assignments? Or you just simply need to find a job? Or do you simply want to find some boobs?

Well, at first, it is hard to find them using just a tool, isn't it?

The legend goes that two nerds were innocently toying with their computers in their garage (well, their parents', actually) one day. Larry Page and Sergey Brin were desperate to look at boobs after they finished their college. Instead of buying porn magazines, they tried to invent their own search engine! How cool is that!

However, you see, Google is not just about an empty search bar with two buttons below it. It is not just about trying to choose the best keywords. It just not just a search engine. It is, inarguably, "Google".

Are you ready yet? Then we shall begin.

edit Google websites

Google on firefox

Google on Firefox. Don't mind the tabs.

  1. The most important thing is to think the websites you want to search. There are, really, some n00bs out there, and unemployed people who don't have anything to do who spend their time Google anything.
  2. When you have got an idea, open up your browser(s).
  3. Go to www.google.com. You can choose any method you like, as it will not be covered here.
  4. When the page has been uploaded, write your keyword.
    1. If the cursor is not on the searchbar, click on the searchbar.
    2. Maybe you are a beginner and you clicked the background of the page, this will make the cursor disappears from the search bar. To fix this, click on the search bar.
  5. Choose the location of the possible websites.
    1. If you want to see websites from your country, uncheck the "the web" and check "pages from [your country name].
    2. If you are ready and want to explore "the web", do not do anything.
  6. Decide whether this is your lucky day or not.
    1. If this is your lucky day, click "I'm Feeling Lucky". This button will save your time and directly go to your desired website. Don't you ever type "Google" there.
    2. If you have had an accident today, probably clicking "Google Search" is the best option. However you will need to check around 1,440,000 websites just to search "Uncyclopedia".
  7. Wait for around 0.2 to 0.8 seconds. You can enjoy your lunch first.
  8. After Google returned the search result(s), search the website you want. For now, don't mind the number of returned search, 2 or 2 millions. Just be brave and try every single page. You will never know what waits you there.
  9. When you click a link, you are leaving Google, and Google is not responsible for anything that happens after that. (Unless if you click "back").

edit Google images

Basically the first two steps are the same with Googling websites.
  1. Think of images you would like to see. There are actually some people who put their relatives' names to the search box and found nothing. Well, if they found something, they will just laugh for some time and then stop.
  2. If you would like to see porn, look around!!!, make sure your boss is not behind you (this applies the same with your mom, your dad, your sister or even your girlfriend/boyfriend). It is also beneficial to check that Moderate Safe Search is on, so if you are caught looking at porn, you won't be landed in as much trouble
  3. When you are ready, click "Images", the button next to "Web", besides "Images". Clicking this will give you the same page layout, it is alright.
  4. Enter the keyword that you've thought in the first step. Do not put other keywords, or it will be biased.
    1. Only enter 1 - 4 words, and never put a sentence. For example, entering "a guy with coke who also plays guitar" will not give you anything.
    2. Check and re-check your spelling. For example, entering "Imoeng" and "Imogen" will give a very extremely different results. Another example is when you put "Bob" instead of "Boob", or the other way around (but I am sure you don't want to search for Bob).
  5. Once you click "Search". To search "boob", you need to wait for 0.20 seconds until it gives you 25,800 images.
  6. If the pictures are good, try to see every single one of them, you never know what is behind those images.

edit See also

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