HowTo:Get a featured article on Uncyclopedia

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Gorillatrans HowTo 
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So you've discovered Uncyclopedia. This website is a bastion of all that is humourous and good. You decide to create an account and contribute back. After you get disciplined by the admins, you actually read the rules and decide to create a useful article. "How do I create a good article?" you ask. Well, this guide will guide you every step of the way.

edit Step 1: Get an idea

Tip

Acid helps the creative process.

Featured

This is your goal. You want to be cool, right?

The first step after reading and ignoring the aforementioned guide is to come up with an idea. Make an article that blatantly rips off something already on Wikipedia, or look in Benson's House of Pancakes and steal as much content as you please.

Another way to get an idea is to go to Encyclopedia Dramatica for high quality ideas, although this is recommended for experts as ED's article and image quality and tastefulness is much too high for new users.

There are also several kinds of articles that are more likely to get featured, such as HowTos, UnBooks, and wacky conspiracies. These are a kind of "minority" article that get sympathy votes more, so keep that in mind. A perfect example of an article title that will definitely get featured no matter what is UnBooks:HowTo:Discover a worldwide conspiracy.

After you get an idea, you can go abuot porly spelign it.

edit Step 2: Get Images

The second step is accumulation of images to litter your article with. First, whine to a skilled potatochopper until they make you a couple awesome images to crap up improve even more with unfunny captions. Images that actually make sense when put in your article work better than anything in Bat fuck insane. Now, remember that there can never be too many images.

edit Step 3: Create your article

Tip

Use Pee Review, then ignore any criticism or suggestions. Remember, you are right.

The third step is to actually make the article. Remember, ignore this rule completely. Those losers have no idea of what is genius. Remember: only your opinion matters. Write your article in spurts, and remember to put {{stub}} instead of {{construction}}. This will give your article the appearance of quality and make people think that instead of being lazy and finish it in spurts, you threw together a crappy article, planning on using other, smarter people to improve it for you.

edit Templates: Good or bad?

Many people do not want templates in their article, feeling it just takes up space. Wrong. Templates are very important, and they add images to your article, thereby making it less eye-searingly awful.

edit Step 4: Getting votes

Lolsex

Yeah, that's the stuff.

Tip

Giving awards to people for no reason helps to garner their vote.

After you've created your article, you have to get it featured. To do this, persuasion must be used on voters in order to garner their votes. Remember, sexual favors go a long way. If you can, praise people in their talk pages. This will make them super horny and want to vote for you, but remember you owe them a favor that they can redeem at any time.

edit The Sockpuppet Dilemma

  • Question: Are sockpuppets allowed for getting votes?
  • Answer: Yes, as long as you don't get caught. See, sockpuppets are a great and noble institution, and practically everyone has a sockpuppet.

edit Step 5: After you get your article featured

Remember to thank everyone for voting, even if they didn't vote. This will make them feel special. Once it has been featured, watch your page. If anyone other than you edits it, revert it back. Those punks have no right to edit your article on an online Encyclopedia that anyone can edit.

Congratulations, you now have a featured article on Uncyclopedia. Now, brag about it as much as you can.

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