HowTo:Get Nigger-Blood Out Of White Robes

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Getting bloodstains out of robes like these can be problematic, but with this guide it should be easier than beating a man who's hanging from a tree.

So you got blood all over your shiny new white robes? Or perhaps you are a southern woman whose husband came home from a night drinking with his buddies and thrust a bloodied bundle of cloth into your arms saying, "clean these or I'll beat you again." Perhaps you are currently in the bathroom frantically trying to get the blood and skin out from under your fingernails before the cops show up. Don't panic! We have all been there. This guide contains all the information you need to get your robes as clean and white.

edit Initial Treatment

For light stains, such as the blood splatters from a bar-fight or standard lynching, one treatment should be sufficient to remove the stain. Just follow the steps below to get the blood out of your fabric.

  1. Blot the stain immediately with paper towels to remove the worst of it.
  2. Combine 1 teaspoon laundry soap or pretreatment (or dish soap, like Dawn™) and 1 cup hydrogen peroxide in a small bowl. Soak a clean sponge in the mixture, squeeze it halfway dry, then gently blot the stain.
  3. Wash in cool water.
  4. Air dry. Do not use your dryer because the stain may set in and consequently you may never be able to remove the blood from your robes.

edit Persistent Stains

American1
Recommended by the Klu Klux Klan for removing those tough stains.

The above process should be sufficient for most stains; however, some stains, like the the population itself, just refuse to go away and die. This type of stain can result from stabbing someone in the stomach until he dies in your arms and then burying him in a shallow grave, for example. In such a case, you should follow the steps below.

  1. Sponge the stain lightly with a solution of equal parts ammonia and water.
  2. Apply a laundry pre-treatment, such as stain remover or detergent. The [KKK]] laundry department recommends Tide™.
  3. Launder as usual.
  4. Air dry.

Repeat this process until your robes are white. Do not expose the fabric to heat until the stain is completely lifted.

edit What To Do If Your Robes Are Dry-Clean Only

If your robes are dry-clean-only it may not be possible for you to remove the stain yourself. If this is the case, wipe away the worst of the blood with a paper towel and get it to a dry-cleaners' as soon as possible. It may be advisable to go to a cleaners' out of town, just in case the cops come sniffing around. Luckily, your robes probably won't be dry-clean only, as they were most likely designed so that blood splatters are easily removable.

edit Stain-Insure

By now, your robes should be completely free of blood. However, you may want to ensure that next time this happens the stain comes away more easily. Use a scoop of Tide™ or Gain™ in every wash to "Stain-Insure" your robes and next time you hang someone from a tree or curbstomp his face in, the stains should wash right out.

edit See also

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