HowTo:Get Expelled from School

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School sucks dosen't it? Boring as fuck. Just sit there doing nothing but learn proper grammar. Annd thay teech u speelang 2! OMG duznt tat suk!

Over thousands of years, adolescents deal with impossible, fat, and useless teachers who make their life miserable. But that's just a load of poopy.

So what are you going to do about it? Crying doesn't help. Going on Facebook or a chat room doesn't help. Even making an Uncyclopedia article about the bastard doesn't help! [1]

But getting expelled helps a lot.


What did you do wrong? All you did was set the chemistry teacher's desk afire. Teachers are such spazzes.

edit Step One

Get a bright pink squirt gun. Wave it around in the cafeteria and yell "This is a stickup! Hands in the air or I'll squirt you!" Since the school has a zero tolerance policy for guns, this should do the trick. You might even make the 6 o clock news.

edit Step Two

If step one didn't work, take advantage of the school's zero tolerance policy on drugs. Take a bottle of aspirin to school, don't let the nurse's office know you have it, and start selling it to as many other students as possible. Even if they don't want it, try to hard sell it to them. Make sure at least one of them is a tattletale and will tell the right teacher or a principal.

edit Step Three

Congratulations. You are actually at Step Three. Time to prove you're not a Wimp. The principal will ask you a few questions. He'll always have some sort of jar full of Jolly Ranchers or Caramels or something. [2] Take a candy. Who cares. He's just some fat bum that is in charge of a building. He doesn't even own the building, for god's sake. Plus, he probably has over 20 packets of the candies in a little storage drawer. "Excuse me, please listen to what I have to say". Ignore the fucker. Make some joke about 'what' rhyming with 'butt' and 'what' rhyming with 'twat'. "Don't be inappropriate to your teacher. He/she is a very kind man/woman and is nice to all the students. Do you know what he/she goes through in their mind when they see you acting like this?" Ignore the principal. A good idea would be to change the topic. Talk to him about sports. Usually, younger principals fall for these kinds of tricks. If he doesn't budge, point to a picture on his desk. He is probably married, and or has a girlfriend. Now say to him: "Gee, you have a hot wife/girlfriend. Didn't I see them one time fucking some black gangsters in an alleyway?" He may react to this. If he doesn't, then begin to lick his neck in a creepy way, and give him a lapdance. If he gets mad, start throwing things. Take the jar of candy and throw it at him. Then pull down your pants and fart at him in his face. Now, run! Run, I tell you, run!

edit Step Four

Pull the fire alarm and yell "FIRE DRILL! FIRE DRILL! FIRE DRILL! at the top of your lungs and bang on all the classroom doors. Repeat as necessary.

edit Step Five

Burning School

Who's in trouble now? Burn in hell, bitches!

If you get suspended (which you probably did), then go back to the school and do graffiti or harass a security guard. Then they'll know to not mess with you [3]. If you however do get arrested, blame your best friend or your uncle, and say that they paid you money to do it. If they don't believe you, then enjoy prison! Or juvie! Or, in worst case scenario, hell!

edit Notes

  1. Or does it?
  2. Usually the principal has something. If not, then he probably has a bunch of pens in a jar. Start throwing pens.
  3. Actually, 8 people have listened to this, and are currently in prison right now.
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