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Has your article been featured? No? Good, now listen up. Or should that be read up? Whatever; getting your acticle featured on the front page isn't actually that hard. If someone can write a page about, um..... Denise Milani's breasts for example, that proves that most users on Uncyclopedia are 99.7% straight males, 0.1% women, 0.1% gay and 0.1% frightening genderless lumps.
Picking a subject
Now think of a good subject. No, not that, that's rubbish, we don't need another article on Chuck Norris or Jesus. Come back when you've thought of something good. Maybe ask your mum for ideas. Just come back in ten minutes. Actually, better make it a couple of days.
5 minutes later
That was quick. Ok, don't tell me what you're writing about because I may or will steal. Let's go then.
How long will it take to get featured
Nobody knows how long it will take. Your page may never be featured, maybe because it's just stupid and not funny. Or maybe because the people reading it have a stick up their ass or even worse a sword.
The easy way
The easiest way to get featured is to track down an admin and threaten to kill their family. Or if they hate their family, as is the case with ChiefjusticeDS, you could have sex with them instead. If they don't feature your article then it's probably because you're crap in bed. Alternatively you could follow this simple method.
The hard way
I'm going put this in a way you can understand. Take your subject, research it (God forbid go to Wikipedia), see if someone's already done it. Then after reading their attempt and laughing your head off, go and blank the page like a arrogant 12 year old. People like you will end up destroying this lovely website. The administrators will have lots of work to do when you are done ruining it with your shit writing.
After you've finshed it, ask someone who can write better than you to look at it and help make it good. Then when your article is featured take all the credit for yourself and fuck the other guy. They may be a bit pissed off with you and get all 4chan on your ass. 4chan is full of peolpe just waiting to hack you and find out who you are like they did to that "cat in the bin" lady. Overkill, I say. Some call it progress.
What wouldn't get it featured
Now if you don't put any of these in you article you're sure to get that shiny template that no one will care about. First, DO NOT put pictures edited using MS paint unless you’re really good. And when I say really good I don't mean Picasso good, I mean that it should actually look like something that exists. That one on the right is good isn't it? It took me all day to do. What do you mean it's rubbish?it's met to be rubbish. Never ever go into a list if your going to do a list put it in the 100 worst no likes lists look at the call of duty stuff starts off funny then goes into a list with one liners.