HowTo:Get Banned

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“Getting banned is one of those life phases; like puberty or world domination”
~ Oscar Wilde on getting banned

CrackNutty

A vandal about to get banned.

Are you perennially accepted with open arms wherever you go? Do you always find a place by the fire and a nice pair of comfy slippers waiting for you?

Tiresome, isn't it?

I bet you'd just love to take those slippers and hurl them into the fire - so that someone, anyone, would cast you into exile for once, just to show that they don't care. I mean, all the really cool people get banned all the time, so why not you? Is there something wrong with you maybe? Were you, perchance, stamped with accepted at birth?

Lou Reed walked on the wild side and he got banned all the time - especially from the NYC Woman's Institute and Bridge Club. The wild side sure sounds exciting doesn't it? And it's a long long way from the dull side that you currently inhabit. So, here it is - your final article before you get off this bus.

Welcome to this informative yet non-comprehensive instructional guide to getting the door slammed on your ass as you are unceremoniously thrown to the street like the gutter-feeding, petty-whining, ass-vomiting tripe bucket that everyone else knows you are, but sadly, you do not.

Are you ready? Then we'll begin.

You will know it is time to turn the page when Tinkerbell rings her little bell, like this:

(ban-ning!)

Ban Tips for Beginner Users

N00b5

An Uncyclopedia Admin offers some helpful feedback to a new user.

  1. Blank pages. Yes, by gosh, there are a few n00bs out there that didn't know this. Hoo hah! For an extra bonus, may we suggest blank the pages and replace it with Template:Blank? [2]
  2. Blank this page and replace it with "Is this how you get banned?"
  3. Write some random shit into articles
  4. Write a bunch of inane micro-stub articles, and interlink them.
  5. Write a bunch of inane micro-stub articles, and spamlink them on good articles.
  6. Write a bunch of inane micro-stub articles. Period.
  7. Keep re-creating an article that an admin keeps deleting.
  8. Write a nasty talk page note to the admin that keeps deleting your "article".
  9. Complain to other admins that an admin keeps deleting your "article".
  10. Send an email to every admin on Uncyclopedia that an admin keeps deleting your "article".
  11. Create the talk page for your "article" that three different admins have deleted, asking why it is being deleted.
  12. Put canned quotes on every page you see.
  13. Change all the quotes at the top of articles to feature your name instead of, say, Oscar Wilde.
  14. Write Chuck Norris facts. Anywhere.
  15. Create an army of sockpuppets with names like "(Admin's name) has a (synonym for small) (body part)" or "I have a (synonym for large) (body part)." This will probably get you banned and deleted quicker than the other methods.
  16. Create multiple forum topics declaring your greatness in ALL CAPS!!!
  17. Edit Todd Lyons's userpage without adding an award.
  18. Litter tons of articles with expletives, or even Template:Expletive.
  19. Vandalize pages, and then rant about it on Wikipedia or Encyclopedia Dramatica.
  20. Vandalize Wikipedia without vandalizing Encyclopedia Dramatica.
  21. Vandalise Wikipedia, and boast about it on Uncyclopedia.
  22. Put an admin on Ban Patrol because he deleted your shitty article.
  23. Create an army of sockpuppets and tell people in IRC about it, then complain to Flammable how psychologically damaging it is to get a permanent ban and then say I didn't know using a sockpuppet could cause me to be banned like this!
  24. Replace a currently featured article with shockporn.
  25. Revert edits to a vandalised diff, and say in the summary "Revert Vandalism".
  26. Send poorly written hatemail to admins
  27. Make long rants about how one article would make people go on violent killing sprees.
  28. Add your friends, family or classmates to Homosexual, Gay or suchlike
  29. Goatse. 'Nuff said.
  30. Type excessively in ALL CAPS on a forum until an admin blocks you for "yelling".
  31. Blank the Earth article and replace the text with "Mostly Harmless". Wow, that's never been done before.
  32. Chant "FU <insert admin here>" all the time, everywhere, make an Uncyclopedian Cult about it, devote everything to it, the works!
  33. Make many articles that consist of the lines: "<Insert name here> is gay! Ha ha ha ha!" Also insert that in many articles. Will get an infiniban. For example, see [3]
  34. Vandalise Romania, or This page.
  35. Blank a user's userpage and then claim it as your own
  36. Add your birthday or those of your friends to the anniversaries pages.
  37. Add your signature to an article.
  38. Overlook adding your signiture to a talk page [4]
  39. Nominate a Unbanned User's Userpage to VFD even if it seems very dumb and/or may seem like an attack page.
  40. Vandalise another User's Userpage. - Come on that is so n00bish.
  41. Tell the Admins they're f***ing sadists. Even if they are you can't say so.
  42. Vandalize Template:DYK. Not just one Did you know, but ALL OF THEM!! By the way, did you know *...that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
  1. Stop a count and start at one again.
  2. Add to this more then once within a fifteen year period.
  3. Triple redirect. Why stop there?
  4. .sdrawkcab gnihtyreve etirw
  5. Replace articles with "AAAAA!".
  6. .uʍop ǝpısdn buıɥʇʎɹǝʌǝ ǝʇıɹʍ
  7. ʍɹıʇǝ ǝʌǝɹʎʇɥıub qɐɔʞʍɐɹps ɐup ndsıpǝpoʍu.
  8. Write everything in rot13

Ban Tips for Intermediate Users

Woot

The BanMagnet 2000 extended keyboard is preferred by n00b editors nearly 70-to-1, over standard 104-key models.

  1. Add your favorite category to every article you see.
  2. Add your favorite template to every article you see.
  3. Write long political rants or complaints on voting pages.
  4. Move pages around without good reason.
  5. Move pages to new locations, then move them back to their original location just to prove that you can.
  6. Complain to an admin that s/he's stupid (a coward, a jerkass, a dick, etc.), and is ruining pages, is wrecking your template, or otherwise "has no right" to do whatever it is that they did.
  7. Annoy an admin until he/she decides to ban you.
  8. Dick with admin user pages, policy pages, or articles that offend your moral sensibility.
  9. Create a "clone article" featuring your very own made-up version of Carlow Crab, Hitler, Darth (something), or Jesus. For bonus points, try Darth Carlow Jeshitler!
  10. Create a "clone article" of AAAAAAAAA! (examples: BBBBBBBBB!, ZZZZZZZZZ!, Chirp!, Meow!, Woof!, or Moo!)
  11. Insist that pages like Meow!, Woof!, and Developers! aren't clones of AAAAAAAAA!
  12. Create a "clone article" of An article that contains nothing but a full stop (i.e An article that contains nothing but a comma).
  13. Link every word in an article to your userpage.
  14. Link every word in an article to goatse.
  15. Link every word in an article, except the ones that say goatse, to goatse. The ones that say goatse link to your userpage.
  16. Type: #REDIRECT [[Goa Tse]] onto every single page on uncyclopedia (after blanking them of course).
  17. Link every full stop in every article on uncyclopedia to An article that contains nothing but a full stop.
  18. Create articles with titles like "(Admin name) IS A (expletive)" and "(Admin name) LICKS (expletive) FOR CASH", but that contain glowing praise about the admin in question.
  19. Vandalize pages as an anonymous IP, until every IP address in your school is banned or rangeblocked.
  20. Vandalize your own user page as an anonymous IP.
  21. Rewrite an article from scratch, then mark it as a minor edit with the summary being "formatting".
  22. Make a huge number of large consecutive edits with a minor edit on top.
  23. Never use the preview button.
  24. Complain on the Village Dump that an admin keeps deleting your article.
  25. Edit every topic in the Village Dump so that it looks like everyone are; (pokemon fan-boys, pedophiles, stalkers, date-rapers, assaulters, kidnappers, preschooler abducters, users, druggers, home invaders, robbers, snatchers, sexual harassers, sexual predators, terrible adulterers, hippies, torturers, murderers, killers, homiciders, psychopaths, patriciders, Mormons, hit and runners, pathological liars, womanizers, debaucherers, horrificly lewd people, grotesquely perverse men, fundamentalists, traitors, evil mercenaries, insane librarians, arms dealers, Spock impersonators, ex-cons, Delta Force, the entire cast of Gilligan's Island, mad scientists, etc.)
  26. Create a page called "The word parakeet written exactly two hundred and forty three times" that only contains the word "parakeet" written exactly two hundred and forty three times, and try to recreate it exactly two hundred and forty three times. Ban: 243 days.
  27. Change the spelling in ^ to say "Ban: 243 years" 243 times. Ban: Obviously 243 years decades years centuries years millenia years mega anna years infinite ban.
  28. Create a complete different page called "The word parakeet written exactly two hundred and forty-two times". Then confess to doing so. Be sure to offer proof.
  29. Write an article about your favorite Internet Meme.
  30. Switch parts of a featured article with each other, and put in paragraphs from other, much worse articles.
  31. Steal subpages from other users by moving them to your userpage.
  32. Nominate your favorite internet meme for VFH.
  33. Create an account where the password is revealed in the user name, so any vandal can take contol of it and vandalise. Bonus: you don't have to do any of the work, someone else will get the account banned for you.
  34. Create an esoteric template, and spam it on a bunch of articles, including an admin's user page.
  35. Move a page, and "forget" to fix double redirects created! (Even if it's a page like Vandalism/example!)
  36. Nominate a REALLY shitty picture for VFP.
  37. Give Hinoa the Bucket of Piss Award even though he's gone.
  38. Continually bitch about discussions being moved to Forum:BENSON and/or the renaming of that forum.
  39. Use {{USERNAME}} in a childish manner (Such as, but not limited to, adding "{{USERNAME}} is gay" to pages).
  40. Talk about your new template idea on the Village Dump.
  41. Praise Encyclopedia Dramatica.
  42. Nominate {{USERLINK}} or {{USERNAME}} for FFS.
  43. Or, Nominate yourself for FFS
  44. Add a (pathetic) Russian reversal to Russian reversal (phenomenon).
  45. Nominate an article for VFD without placing a {{VFD}} tag on the article you're nominating.
  46. Try Killing Famine with the {{Killed}} template [5]. Messing with Famine probably isn't a good idea anyway.
  47. Create a spin-off Article of Mr winkler is GAY.
  48. Redirect a featured article to Nihilism.
  49. Question why an admin. would ban him/herself.
  50. Create many short pages with no content and post all of them to QVFD

Ban Tips for Expert Users

Got pwn3d

Certificate of Pwnitude conferred on those users who've lowered themselves to entirely new depths of idiocy.

  1. Try to get the Uncyclopedia employees to form a union.
  2. Start a "Frequent Users Who Aren't Admins Club"
  3. Create a "FUWAA Club" category.
  4. Dick with essential system templates.
  5. Repeatedly revert a well-written article to a previous stub- or ICUed-version without actually contributing anything.
  6. Repeatedly revert an admin, asking why they "ruined things" with their changes.
  7. Start a revert war with an admin and revert the bloody hell out of pages when they revert them.
  8. Take a long, popular article, and rewrite it to an unfunny stub.
  9. Repeatedly harass other users in the edit summary.
  10. Write long political rants or complaints on every page you visit.
  11. Make complaints about Euroipods and/or its author at every opportunity — on talk pages, in your signature, and even inside of templates.
  12. Hijack the Uncyclopedia Logo on the upper left corner with your signature. Double Plus Good, if you put a shock image in place of the Uncyclopedia Logo.
  13. Put {{ICU|~~~~~}} on a featured article.
  14. Put {{ICU|(Random Admin name)}} on a featured article.
  15. Rewrite a featured article.
  16. Rename a featured article to a title you prefer.
  17. Insist that there is a cabal.
  18. Forge votes from real users on VFH until your article (which is slated-for-removal) is next in line to be featured. (Doubleplusgood if the article in question is about Identity theft.)
  19. Give sympathy votes to crappy candidates on voting pages.
  20. Nominate the Main Page, Deletion log, VFH page, Recent changes, or Block log for VFH.
  21. Nominate a talk or forum page for VFH. (Bonus points for Talk:Euroipods or any BENSON page. (Double bonus points for a Forum_talk: page in the BENSON forum.))
  22. (doubleplusgood, will result in instaban for infitime) Use an open proxy.
  23. Advise an admin on how to do their job, especially if they've been an admin longer than you've been a user.
  24. Write something that allows people to win at Zork. If you do this, you will be eaten by a Grue when, and if, your ban expires.
  25. Create a redirect to this page.
  26. Nominate a wikipedia article for VFH.
  27. Put a Featured article up for VFD.
  28. Nominate a huffed article for VFH. (Yes, even This page does not exist. Or its talk page.)
  29. Nominate BENSON for WotM (or for any monthly award other than Benson of the Month).
  30. Award Benson of the month to a fake Benson or to anyone other than BENSON.
  31. Put Do NOT Delete this Article up for VFD.
  32. Put the Deletion Policy up for VFD.
  33. Place {{ICU|~~~~~}} on pages more than a week old.
  34. Place "__NOEDITSECTION__<div id="old-forum-warning"></div>" into your Signature or into a widely used template.
  35. Nominate an admin on Ban Patrol.

Ban tips for Ultra Class X3 Omega Users

  1. Advertise that you're a Ultra Class X3 Omega User.
  2. See to it that every single page is replaced by Encyclopedia Dramatica's counterpart page. As an extra stinger, make sure that every Encyclopedia Dramatica page is swapped with Uncyclopedia's counterpart page.
  3. Make all pages an ASCII image of goatse.
  4. Vote creatively. If people can use 4, why not write 4 using summation notation: \sum_{k=0}^1 \left(2k+1\right) , or an integral: 
\int_{-\pi/4}^{\pi/4}2\sqrt{2}(\cos{x}-\sin{x})\, dx
 ?
  5. Send People to this pointless article: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/%53%70%65%63%69%61%6c%3a%55%73%65%72%6c%6f%67%6f%75%74
  6. Be Cajek
  7. Create multiple sockpuppets, then have them collaborate on articles, begin friendships, vote for each other, form alliances, fall in love, get married, give birth to more sockpuppets, become disillusioned with the marriage, have affairs, find out about each others' affairs, break up, start fighting with each other, create more sockpuppets to become new spouses...
  8. Become an admin and vandalise protected pages
  9. Vandalise the main page. No, serisously.
  10. Vandalise protected pages without even knowing it. [6]
  11. Follow these edits. Note the style and charisma in which they were contributed and mimic it to the fullest. You can't go wrong.
  12. Claim that your an employee at Mediawiki and vandalize articles calming that it is part of an audit (bonus points for telling admins to block for less then a day so you can continue your vandalism the next...seriously)
  13. Claim that you are 4.252.99.182 (bonus points if you try to get Fisher Price deleted as an author's request, even more points if it's deleted)
  14. Claim that you are Francis Winkler. Prove that you are him by saying that you're from a private school from Virginia, or at least straight, and request that you take Mr winkler is GAY down. (bonus points if you get it deleted.)
  15. Perform every step in this article at once.

Ban tips for Admins

  1. Unprotect the Main Page.
  2. Reveal all secrets of the cabal.
    (The ban would be because the cabal doesn't exist, of course)
  3. Put {{NRV|~~~~~}} on the main page.
  4. Rangeblock 0.0.0.0/0. This is actually impossible, so just rangeblock everything from 0.0.0.0/16 to 255.255.0.0/16.
  5. Unlock the entire data base and invite 4chan to have a Vandalism Party.
  6. Write a bunch of inane micro-stub articles, and feature them.
  7. Ban users just for the fun of it, even if they're innocent.
  8. Redirect the Main Page to here.
  9. Fuck up the entire Mediawiki.
  10. Huff pages for the fun of it.
  11. Huff a featured article.
  12. Huff important system templates.
  13. Huff important system pages, such as VFD, VFH QVFD Policy pages.
  14. Huff the entire forum.
  15. Huff the main page.
  16. Huff EVERYTHING.
  17. Threaten to ban another Admin.
  18. Block 127.0.0.1.
  19. create this page does not exist and then protect from editing
  20. Ban yourself. Duh. [1]

More as they occur...

See also

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